This could be the death of me.

A volutile friendship.

I’d say my biggest flaw is in my inability to accept the fact that I can’t save everyone.

One night I thought you died.

We’d been fighting the day before

And our words threatened to be the death of us,

Clawing at each others throats,

Drawing blood and a little bit of soul,

But saving just enough of you to invite me to see a movie the next day.

You said you’d pick me up at 8

Soon enough it was 8:30 and minutes seemed like hours passing and the sharp green light on the digital clock reminded me of sirens.

I imagined you on fire,

I saw you climbing out of a dilapidated car,

Walking over and standing in front of me,

Your mouth giving way and your jaw falling off and somehow, the words you always seem to have an over abundance of had burned in the car too,

And now your screams were standing before me,

Their harsh noise scratching away at you

So your ashes were in a pile at my feet.

It turns out you just fell asleep.

You explained this on the phone, and I wiped the tears and char from under my eyelids, and agreed to reschedule for another time.

I thought you had died.

 

The next day, my blackened heart began oozing words again, words that I meant but sentences I never wanted to let see the light. We bickered over things we shouldn’t have, our teenage hearts waging confused wars on the border of maturity and the desire to be cuddled in the dark. We never seemed to stop. You were my heroin, and I, your ecstasy. You refused rehab, and for me, it just wasn’t enough. We got high, snorting the ashes of the havoc we wreaked. Our addictions grew and grew as our bodies turned to dust, swirling in the hallways and whispering our conspiracy theories in the 7^th graders’ ears. This could be the death of us. But we couldn’t let go. We didn’t let go until we were both to the point where it was a lose- lose situation; stay on the drug and let yourself go, or kick the habit and always feel like you’re missing something.

You’re missing something.

I tried to kick the habit.

In fact, I kicked it so far out of sight, no one heard from it again.

I thought you died.

Did you?

Author's Note

This was honestly just a rambling