Ugly Choir Girl

The psychological dance that goes on during a boring choir practice (or even, God forbid, an interesting one)...

She always sits in front of me 
Face full of zits 
Frizzy tight curls 
Tacky clothes 
Thin as a pencil  
You're so greasy 
You're pizza 
You're macaroni and cheese 
  
Why are all the girls in this choir so hideous? 
I get sick to my stomach 
when I look at you 
you are the smell of sickening sweet 
an arts major 
insecure 
fishing for notes 
following the leader 
  
And worst of all 
you're blocking my view of him 
You negate the bliss I feel when I see his face 
He's looking at me now 
But you can't let him see me 
I think he loves me 
But you're blocking his view 
  
Who else would he want in this section? 
And then I glance behind me 
  
Big busty girl 
Blond greasy hair 
Bangles 
Eighties chic 
Blue eyes 
Brown coat 
Big tits 
Red pouting lips 
She's not ugly 
But by logic she should be 
  
And I realize I'm a fool 
It's her 
He can't stop looking at her 
  
I'm getting annoyed 
He can't control his head 
Always turned to my corner of the room 
What does she think of this? 
  
But she's gone 
I won't see her until tomorrow 
Was he looking at someone else? 
At me? 
I ponder the mystery 
Leaving choir and the pizza-faced girl 
with a smirk on my face 
  
Maybe I'm not an ugly choir girl

Reviews

[emipoemi]

The first stanza really brought out the humour of what this was all going to be in the end, and the entire narrative is entertaining. Whether I would call this poetry, to be honest, is a different story....it lacks a couple of aspects to legitimately be placed into that category, but that doesn't make it any less fabulous. Iove the progression, and all the punches that it deals. Really delves into he psychology of the situation, and takes the reader on a wild ride, right to the killer of an ending. What I couldn't figure out (and this kind of mars the brilliance of the ending) is that there's no exact moment where it's clear that our protagonist is also insecure about her own beauty (the "why are all the girls in this choir so hideous" line comes off as arrogantly disgusted, rather than meant to include her too).....So if that aspect were present in the piece, then the last line would be all the more powerful (otherwise you may as well say "Maybe I AM an ugly choir girl). Overall, well done! Much enjoyed.

[Naomi Bloom]

Thanks. That's honestly a pretty fair criticism, with the narrator deciding that they aren't an ugly choir girl. I like a lot of this poem, but I find it kind of embarrassing how mean it is.

[emipoemi]

Don't be embarrassed. It's how the poem wanted to be. The "I" of a poem may at times be considered the writer themself, but it's in fact its own character. Let them be how they want to be. And to be fair, I found this rather satirical than mean.

[Naomi Bloom]

Lol thanks. That's a good way of looking at it.

[emipoemi]

There you go. Just tweak some bits so that it comes off as more powerful (re: whether you'd prefer "I am an ugly choir girl" or "I'm not....")

[The Nude Writer]

Wow.. really cool :) Love your internal monologue. I think many of us have been here before.

[Naomi Bloom]

Thanks!

[The Nude Writer]

:)

[Chris]

mind games seem to never change...

[Naomi Bloom]

True. Thanks for the reviews.

[Chris]

This one didn't need a review... just a real comment.

[Naomi Bloom]

Yeah.