My Life Story part 7A Story by Nicaushio Yamaki Next sequel coming soon! My Life Story Part 7
When something is so strong, and
becomes fragile. Then only dusks of existence remains. I do not understand why
so much is happening so quickly, but one thing for sure is the good old days
were worth it. It was worth the good times in life worth living. However it
seems that those days are gone forever, there is no turning back now.
The
end of the society as we know it is about show its true devastating colors.
Chapter
59 Another year
It has been a while since I started
writing my next story. A lot has happen since then in the last series. I guess
you can say I got myself into a hole in places, which I should not have been
in. Well I ended like I said in the last chapter; I ended up being in another
relationship. This was one of the mistakes I had made in my life while
attending school. As a result the relationship between me and the current
person I dated has finally….come to an end.
As of right now, I do not know how
long I will continue to write these stories. By all means I hope that, those
that take out the time to read these stories which can perhaps learn from them.
Not only that, but to become wiser in life. The things I speak about in this
story as all true. Not a lot of authors as we know today would, take out the
time in writing out about their lives. For me I am glad I started early, before
things really become out of hand. So I
try to focus on the positive and the balance of trying reveal to my audience, I
positive inspiration into their lives. For those of you that are, taking the
time to read my stories---I really appreciate this and thanks for reading. I
always like to start off with the first chapter to only talk about the
situations, the pros and cons, and the consequences I could be or end up
possibly. The year of
2013 has finally come around. During my current semester in school, I have been
through a lot of struggling in my classes due to a headache relationship, which
I recently two weeks back just got out of. You remember her; she is the same
girl I dated back in the part six series. Well after the relationship ended, I
began to find out a lot of mysteries things, which kept me wondering for so
long. During the relationship with her, I started to feel worries and pain.
They would always call me during my class time, and also text me random strange
messages to me. I was very stressed out and in worries because of them. I tried
to do everything I could to be there for her, I was always there for her even
when she was in the hospital. I was told during the time period that, she was
in the hospital. I had no idea why she was in the hospital for approximately two, three or five months. The
only thing I knew is everything that her brother Billy told me was not adding
up. It was like dealing with a detective story, trying to piece clues that
would endeavor to the causes, which happened in the stories he was telling me.
Later on I found out that, Billy was NOT her real brother in real life. In the
next chapter, all of this will better make since after I fill you in on the
details later on. For right now, as for me trying to stay focused. I kept
failing in both of my tests in speech. It was so insane, and on top of that I
studied for it and everything. Maybe it was something I was not doing to better
prepare myself for school success, for this semester. Although, I also felt
like a failure and there was no way I was going to succeed. After a week ago of
dropping my speech class, I thought at that point that I could focus on both my
psychology and English class. Well, that turned out to be a little bit shaky
for me. I went to my financial aid department, in concern of the effects from
dropping one of my classes. The financial aid representative told me that my
completion rate was not where it needed to be. So unless my rate is not up to
at least a sixty- seven percent, I can be at a warning. The warning is that if
a student drops a class, after so many effects to the completion rate, it can
be placed on a warning. As a result if the student does NOT meet the academic
requirements of pass the two courses dropped, then this can result in a
suspension. This is not a good thing to be in at all. So t this time, after the
score I made during my in class assignment, I felt really down and not very
happy with the score I made. English was never a strong point, and it was never
my weak point. I felt as if my focus was not completely as where it is supposed
to be. At the same time I felt like”OMG!!! I am really going to fail this
semester?!!!” But then I had to rethink what I said, and not give up. The only
thing I had at this point was just doing the best that I can to make things
happen. Also for now on I will try to write a couple of chapters here and
there. This should help me to get back in focus with, my studies and in other
things as well. As during this semester I felt like I have either
lost my focused touch in being successful, or just not really focusing on what
I need to do cause of the problems, which has occurred. It seems like things
are always happening to me. Without a clue of wondering why it happens. Lately
also I have been dealing with a lot of work load of assignments while in
college, this sets me to cause everything to draw back on me. At this stage I
began to fall back on things that I needed to get done. I hope that I can get
things done, and with some miracle of getting a passing grade this
semester. Currently right now, I am
trying my best to pass my math class in school. The results of that so far has
not been so good lately. I studied and everything and still nothing happen for
me and as much as I sit in the soar institute studying, you would think I would
do at least a little better. The worst
thing that has been putting me in disappointment is my quiz grades. The only
thing I never get is most teachers would over look other students, just because
they are not doing so well and honor the ones that do. It is like they assume
that those students have enough chance in passing a class, as well as the
students that are doing poorly. Not to mansion I got reported four times while
being at Shelton State, that it is so ridiculous. In the next chapter I will
explain about that and much more. I am sorry for the delays in my writing; it
has been hectic since finishing my last book which was part six. A lot has
happen since then even though, I miss writing and I am glad I am back. Another
reason I have not been writing as much is not only just the fact of being busy
with school, but also I spent my entire summer playing a game online on my
computer called Wizard101. This game is like a multiplayer dueling 3D card
game. You can choose which school wizard you like to be such as, Fire, ice,
storm, myth (do not really like myth at all, but some say it is great), Life (some
say life is a lot harder than Death school, but to be honest death school
wizards are much harder than life), death (Death is a school I would not
recommend, because it is hard to level being a death wizard and also not enough
experience points) and lastly, balance. Balance and Ice seem to be the common
popular schools, as well as other schools. Balance does a lot of damage than
most schools do, and you level up instantly with being a balance wizard. So if
you want my input, I would definitely try ice or balance. Also if you are
interested in in playing this game, the website for this game is Wizard101.com.
Now then, it is time to begin a new chapter for all of the things that has
happen so far. Chapter 60 Drama
on imvu Usually
I would hang out on imvu for a wild, in one of my favorite rooms. One room was
called the game tap room. The one thing I know for sure, it seems popular
because most of the users would enter in the room expecting some people, to be
social. The things are most people act like a noob because they do not have
common sense, to understand that any game room you go in no one ever talks.
There was one game room I been into actually, It turns out during the past I
got booted out for no reason. So every time I got booted out, I would either
report the rooms or send an email to the owner of the room. I know it sounds
stupid but, whenever I get kicked out of a room, it irritates me. I also saw
that a lot of people assume that imvu is a game rather than a social chatting
site. Some people that think like that are too much of a idiot or a noob
combined, want to accept that. If imvu was a game, then it would be more than
just a chatting website. However, imvu is not only just a chatting website, but
it is also a place to design and create three dimensional avatars in different
ways. Right now there are over approximately 38,190 million people online
everyday around the clock, all over the world. It is crazy is it? Well I
recently just quit getting on imvu, I did not tell anyone that I was quitting
though. If I did then that would make me look stupid, to sound like more of
trying to get people to see who would care if you quit then for those that
pretty much would not give a care if you choose to quit. As for me I just quit.
There are many reasons I quit imvu, for one reason on imvu. The first reason I
quit was because people only want sex, then they always want someone to gift
them. The second reason is because, people such idiots to not understand that
imvu is NOT A GAME. Real people are
using their avatar real life. Thus playing with people’s hearts is not a game.
The last reason is, most girls are always looking for sex and credits, or
someone that can gift them. If you cannot gift them anything then they find
others that will, instead of getting a job to gift them self of what they want.
What is really messed up is, most people say that they are on imvu to have fun
and not on to date and mess around. My opinion on that is, if they wanted to do
that, to escape away from life? They can do all of this in real life, instead
of sitting on a computer wasting their time. For those that are doing that
right now, are only wasting their lives. Especially when if you want to have
fun or mess around, all of this people can do that in real life if they wanted
to. Instead of wasting six hours behind a computer doing it. Yet again most
people do not see it that way. I recently got back on imvu and it seems like a
fresh start for me, after not being on it in a year or so. Things felt
different afterwards, I found a nice room that I could go in to hang out and
relax online. During the times I stayed at home, I had nowhere to go or things
to do. So I always hang out in my room a lot, on my computer every day. The
only things I do at home is do choirs and relax. The only times I do get out of
the house is to go to church or if a friend from church I used to go to, comes
and picks me up to go places. Other than that, my life is always boring and the
same routine as usual. There was a game that I started playing more often
called Wizard101. The game was fun and exciting; at first I started playing it
without a membership. As a result, when I brought the membership, I started to
play until I beat the entire game. Recently while I was playing it, I began to
find out that there are a lot of mothers, but more grandmothers playing this
game more, than college or high school students are. The crazy thing is, most
of them are not very nice in the game. For those of you that, never heard of
this game, allow me to explain. Wizard101 game is an online pc game, which is a
3D multi player dueling spell card game. It used to be for kids, however Kings
isle games decided to, updated where it can be for all ages. Since then, the
game has turned into a wreck. Also in the game I hate the most is PVP. PVP is a
tournament match, which allows you to fight against other player wizards in the
game. As a result, in PVP it is really heavy in there and not very nice people
at all. One of my friends that joined that told me she won a match fair and
square. Then the other players were being very inappropriate to her, after the
tournament was over. The purpose of why I did not and never liked PVP wizards,
is because they are not very nice. Their attitudes are very diabolical and no
one likes them. What grinds my teeth even more is, they waste their money and
membership only just in PVP, and then they either get offline or being a
showoff. As for the remainder of the game, it would be best to get some friends
or your mother etc….Someone you know and trust, which will help you quest
together with your wizard character. Because it is much easier getting help
that way, they to go all over the places like an idiot looking for help. When I
first started playing this game, my ex-girlfriend introduced me to the game. At
first I only signed up for it, because I wanted to spend some time with her.
After few days later during that time period, she and I broke up. It is the
same girl her name is Macy. After that, the longer I played the game, the more
I grew to enjoy it a lot. So I became a member and continued playing. A friend
was nice enough on the game, to buy me a membership card. So I took the
membership and put it to good use. I have been through a lot in the game
though, trying to ask for help and all. Well I guess during the times I spent
playing it, was learning through trial and error. However since then, I been
told by other players in the game that, I should raise a different wizard.
However after how much pressure I been through just by playing with one wizard,
I did not think I was ever going to make another one. I did try on making a
balance wizard, but after that I stopped. Well at least until I could get some
help with it. Suddenly a friend decided to quest on his Myth wizard, so I
decided to guest with him with my balance wizard. However, since I had to go to
my grandmother’s I was glad to get away from him, but at the same time, I did
not want to go cause I was going to miss getting on the game and watching
movies online. While playing the game, I would usually have IMVU open as well
and Skype, so I can play and chat in between. However the game kept freezing or
lagging, so I had no choice but to close out of IMVU and other application tabs
I had open. Most of the time in IMVU
there are a lot of people playing a game called, League of Legends, rather than
other games. Some would abbreviate the game title as “LOL.” Which we all often
times see it and a lot of times do not.
Chapter 61: In
between pressure Well everyone, Sorry it has took me
so long to finish this story. For a while I had been distracted by other
things, since I published part six of my latest novel. Also a lot of drama has
happened as well, with family issues and school. I was not getting enough sleep
like I should, so after a short period of time, it began to backfire on me. I
had a hard to focusing in my math class. Every test I did I kept failing it
repeatedly. For this purpose, I ended up dropping my math class even though, I
did not want to. I left an email to my teacher notifying him, about my issues
during my time of taking the course. Shortly after that, I was unable to take
any more classes after that. Because my financial aid was suspended for the
cause of dropping too many classes, during the times I attend at Shelton State.
Normally during the time period, if I could not get a class for the first time,
I would re-take it once again and pass it. However, as the tuition went up so
has the rules. Shelton has also been a bit strict on the janitor as well. The
story about the faculty accident is still being spread around, and later being
twisted around. Fewer teachers are turning the story around, to make it seem
like I am a threat. During the bus ride I met a math teacher named Jack. When I
first saw him, I assumed he was nothing but a mere student attending a Shelton
State. When I spoke to him for a while, he told me he was a math teacher, and
he graduated from a school in the state of New York. Suddenly he started to
enjoy being around me more often. In addition the same girl that I used to have
math class with at one time, her name I think was….Well to be honest I cannot
quite remember her name actually ha-ha. It has been a while since I ever seen
her around. Normally she would come and go, and to be honest I did like her,
until she had most of the guys hugging her weirdly around her. I left it alone
afterwards, and moved on. I guess I was trying to get my groove on or just
wanting to be silly like always ha-ha. Knowing me there is no telling, however,
ever since I was hanging out with Jack and this other lady, which I go to
church with, she started to feel lonely. Nevertheless do not really care at
all. Either way none of that really mattered, the only thing that mattered most
was for me to finish up so I could transfer to the college I wanted attend too. I only have approximately five
classes to go, before I get my associates degree. So with all of this being said I
been busy and also distracted. Most of the time, I been playing a game called
Wizard101 a lot more than I do play on my Play station three console. I guess
you can say, the game is really that addicting than anything else. Gradually I
am struggling to stop playing the game as much. No one really helps much and
every time I come online, people are also asking me for help, when they want
help with someone else. I have a friend I was working with on my balance
wizard, if he at some point gives up on me, and then I will be moving to my
console games. At least I can play games I know is free, without having to
worry about having to worry about renewing a membership every single time.
However since I enjoyed the game a lot, I decided to continue playing it. Even
though I do not know how long I will continue on playing. Another
issue was with family and school. Well my mother and step dad have been,
fighting a couple of days ago. Then my step father had an issue with me,
claiming that I was waking him up from sleeping. He was trying to get rest for
work the next early morning. He gets up sometimes extremely early in the
mornings. One time I went to take the dog out to go to the bathroom, he came in
while I was cooking a little something to eat and got pushy to me about cooking
things early in the morning. On top of that, he did not tell me that I
disturbing him from getting some rest. When I tried to tell him about it, he
got rude with me and told me that I should know about that. In addition, he
goes on acting pushy about it. The only thing I told him was that I apologized,
and it would never happen again. So after that he left and came back
complaining about how he could not sleep because, of the noise I was making
apparently. When he came back to complain to me once more, I figured in my mind
that, he could have went back to sleep by now. Instead he complains to me once
more about it. A week ago on the month of December,
I called my grandmother wanting to know if I can come over for the holidays.
She told me she needed to get things situated first, before I could come to
spend a night with her. Finally my grandmother called and told me, that she was
going to pick me up by Friday this month.
At the same time I did not want to go, but I had to get out of the
house. I felt that all I do is stay at home while everyone is gone for days on
end. The only time I could leave the house is either going to church or going
to school. School was the only freedom I had other than staying at home. In
addition is because I felt that, my mother’s husband Joe wanted to be in
control of everything. He would go and tell my mother things and she would
either call me if she needs something done around the house or get on to me
about something stupid I may or might have done. On top of that she always
calls and talks to her husband and never once called me, to see if I was dead
or alive. I was not very happy on the other hand; I became more depressed and a
bit cranky with so many unnecessary rules. I felt like with Joe around I had no
freedom and I felt uncomfortable being around him. Things gotten so bad that times,
I never would as much as look at him. A question everyday pops up into my mind,
day by day. The question was is why my mother puts up with him? Also, what does
my mother see in him, to a point where she does not want to let go? Well I kind
of found the answer for it, but at the same time, I felt that the answer was
not enough to satisfy the equation. So I began to dig deeper. So much that it
makes me wonder why so many girls, would rather be with a man that treats
people like trash and abusive, rather than with someone that really wants a
good relationship and happy family. I spoke to a few people online about it,
but it seems that they all have common answers as well as getting on to
something interesting. I guess an answer is better than no answer. My main
reason for coming to my grandmother’s house is to get out of the house for a
while, even though it was going to be boring with no internet. So with all of
this being said, this is all that has been happening to me lately. Once again
sorry it has took me so long to finish this book, but I am glad to be back.
During the story, I may have more things that happened to me during the time I
been away. Stay tuned and find out. Chapter 62: Behind the hidden
scenes Have you ever wonder why some people
make excuses all the time, like they usually do? Do you feel like you were put
in a position where, no one wants to help you? So instead they hide behind
stupid excuses that you will hear in everyday? Well I sure do. During the time I was over to my
grandmother’s house, I guess you can say, enjoying the weekend until some
issues came up. I feel like I said more to my grandma than I was bargain for,
about what was going on at home. During the time period of stay with my
grandmother, I began to tell her about some of the things that went on at home.
I even went so far to show the arguments that they had on my device to her as
well. My grandmother did not understand as well as me of why, does she put up
with him. I told her about the agreement
that me and Joe had, over a question he asked me. The question he asked me was,
about have I ever thought about getting a job. During that time period, I began
to say in the back of my mind “Have he ever thought about helping me get my
driver’s license?” The agreement got started between me and him over that
question. So I started to say something’s to him, because I got tired of him
trying to control things around the house. On top of that he judges me about
some of the everyday things, which I do around the house. At this point that is
when I got tired and decided to call, my grandma to see if I can spend the
holidays with her. Because I got tired of staying in the house all of the time,
the only time I get out is when my friend comes over to pick me up from my
house. I felt also guilty and ashamed, while at the same time everyone’s
success is laughing in my face and rubbing it in. My friend Jay always spends
money for me and him to go out to eat and stuff. He even brought me a game I
wanted for my birthday; it was really nice of him. I just turned twenty five
this past September of this year. During the times I been over to my
grandmother’s house, I was not only bored but everything I try to find
interesting to watch on television, she always acts diabolical about it. She
would always say she did not like this or that movie, because it was either too
childish or too violent. The only shows that she ever watches is, court shows
and crime scene shows. They always talks about someone getting shot or getting
arrested for second or third degree murder or assault etc. The thing that
annoys me the most is, she always fusses at the TV when they are doing things
they should not. Me personally, I got tired of always listening to someone
getting killed and or getting arrested all of the time. Not to mansion they
always show probably back to back episodes anyway. At this point I wanted to go
home, but then thanks to my mother, for ruining it with her emotional sensitive
talk. My mother texted me about the glass mirror table that, I broke since the
time I was there. She said I hurt her feelings, because I took the table along
with the mirror and threw it out. When she texted me this, I felt sad like
everything was too late for me in life. As crazy as this sound, that was how it
affects me when my mother starts acting emotional. During the time I was still over to
my grandmother’s house, I started to feel depressed. Well if you want to call
it depression, however it was like a sink bothered type of feeling. I felt like
I had no chance of living a life of success. All of these years I have lived, I
felt like it was all for nothing. There been times I tried to rethink my
strategy but could not come up with nothing, I tried talking to my mother about
my application for a school, that I wanted to transfer too. However all my
mother did was talked the entire time and she never gave me the opportunity to
explain farther. I did text her just explaining to her about the application,
and I needed to pay the fee for it before it expires on a certain time. This
was not meaning that I was going to start classes right away, the reason I
needed to pay it because when I turn it in, the admissions could revaluate it
and make changes. In addition, they can tell me which classes I need to take
that I have left. On top of that, I have been struggling trying to find someone
to help me get my license. I ask my mother on occasions, but she always tells
me to ask Joe. Later on I figured out that, the reason why she kept telling me
to ask him. It was considered the fact that, both cars were in his name and my
mother did not have a car she could call her own. I even tried to ask my
biological father about helping me get my license, but as I was talking to him
about it, he started to get rude and tells me to find someone else to help me.
As for my grandmother, I spoke to her about it but, all she can do is bring up
the past which is not really helping as much at all at this point. I told her
about some of the things I had to go through at home, considering the guy my mother
married which is Joe. After I spoke with her about it, my grandmother tells me
that, the reason she puts up with him is because she depends on him. It was I
thought an interesting point, but I never quoted her on it. Even though she
might be on to something, I still had to keep that in mind. Mostly my
grandmother was so focused on what my mother told me, about my real father
named Steven. I told her that I had or knew nothing about Steven, just only
about Joe. I told her that my mother always talks about it to me, when things
do not go right between her and him. I know that whatever went on at home stays
at home, I was just cranky and I got tired of sitting at home all of the time.
So then during the time I spoke with my mother about the application to an art
college, that I wanted to go to…She I
guess told me she was not going to help me. I do not really know, but the only
thing she told me was, she had to let me find things out for myself. What
bothered me was, it was not fair that she is staying at a Fortis nursing
university school and in a dorm, and then she tells me how expensive it is. At
the time I was talking to her it did not come to mind to tell her, but at the
same time she will act emotional and sensitive about it. After going through
the trouble of writing the essay explaining why I wanted to transfer to Art
Institute College and also I went through the work and trouble to get an
official copy of my transcript, so I could turn it in as well. Okay, for those of you that do not
understand allow me to explain. The school I wanted to transfer to was to Art
Institute College. I recently during the time I was in school, signed up for
some information on how to get enrolled into the school after I transfer. So I
figured that they would send me a book or a pamphlet or something that would be
useful in helping me. Well recently during that time, when I was in school, I
got a call from a counselor in the Art Institute College in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. The counselor and I started talking and he told me everything I
needed to know. After questions and finding out the things I needed to know,
the counselor transferred me to, the Art Institute in Atlanta Georgia. From
there I spoke with one lady on the phone, her name was Ms. Holly. She was very nice lady. She helped me with
parts of the application and her and I went over the website she sent me on
yahoo email. When it was clear that I
needed to do was pay a fifty dollar fee to submit the application in, I spoke
with my mother about it 2 weeks ago last month of November. My mother did tell
me that, she was going to come up with the money so that, I can turn in the
application. However she never did and
also she did not want to even look at what I went over with the counselor. All
she wanted to see were the costs of me trying to get into the college. Then she
tells me how expensive it was, when she is already enrolled in an expensive
nursing school herself. The problem with my mother was, it was not so much that
she did not want to let me go neither was it hard to do so, it was considering
the fact that she kept moving from one school to the next school. The first
school she went too was Stillman College. She kept coming home complaining to
her friend on the phone or to her husband Joe, about how bad the teachers were
and the school system. She also kept complaining about how the fact that they
messed up her transcript. During the times when things were not working out,
she made a statement about the school was going to get sewed. So during the
times she was picking me up from school, she spoke about that and some other
things when she was on the phone. So finally I found out that the school got
sewed. Some of the students in school were making rumors about how the nursing
program, which was only designed for students that were majoring in nursing.
After that my mother moved from Stillman College to another school called
Bellville State Community College. This was her second school she moved to
after so much time searching on which school to go to. The school was pretty
descent, and it had very nice people there too. My mother spoke good things
about both the school and the people that worked there. However she never
mansion about the students though, I guess that were genuine people too I
suppose. Well…During the times that my mother was going to the school, I
started going in with her and sit in the library. I started going with her
everyday just to get out of the house, and everything was going good until one
day something else came up. I do not remember what really happen between her
and in the school she was going to at the time; I just knew that things I think
never worked out. So from there she stopped going to Bellville State and moved
to another school. However at the same time, she was applying in both schools,
it was Bellville and to UAB. In UAB she was talking online classes form
Birmingham. Lastly she went from there to moving all of the way to another
school in Montgomery Alabama. During the times she was there, she was still
complaining about the teachers giving her problems. The only things I heard her
talk about, was about some of the issues she was having with some of the other
students. Sometimes it is issues going on with her roommate she lives with in
her dorm. Something about religion spirits acting up towards her from other
people from a dream she had concerning her roommate. As strange as it sounds I
know, but it is what all I heard at the time. On December 27, 2013, I used my
grandmother’s landline phone, to contact my mother. I wanted to try to talk to
her into helping me with my college application. Unfortunately, things did not
quite go as well as I thought. My mother basically told me that, she was not
going to help me through school anymore. She told me that I needed to work for
it and be able to pay for my own expenses for school. If I remember correctly,
my step father told my mother after the argument him and I had, that he was not
going to take me to school anymore. After she told me this, I felt like it was
going down the drain. By the way my mother responded to me, she did not seem to
care about me anymore or helping me. At first I thought, maybe my mother and my
little sister were in on it or it could be either she told a few people on the
phone about me and wanted to act based upon their suggestions. My sister was
always the type that, had suggestions so convincing that she can be on to
something. On the other hand, my mother had been acting differently since we
moved to another church and ever since she got married to another guy. Still
the same guy, just things had not been the same between me and my mother. It
was like the relationship we once had vanished. She never calls me to see how I
was doing. Then considering my step father is not going to take me anywhere
anymore, I do not know how I was going to be able to get around. The only two
things are transportation and a cell phone. These two things were the only two
things that bothered me the most. I tried to talk to my grandmother about some
things, maybe to help get it off my chest but, even that did not help any. As a
child coming up, I never had anyone to spend time with me, or to talk me
traveling or to other places before. I always stayed at home all of the time.
The only time I left home was going to church and to school. Thus school was
the only freedom I had to go and interact with other students, which wanted to
communicate. When the time comes for me to go, I hated going back home because,
it was like being put in a cage all over again. My grandmother made a statement
once, saying that she tried to get me to stay with her, but I kept going back
and forth. The reason for that was, my mother wanted me to go to my
grandmother’s house for a while, because my step father and my mother were not
able to take me to school because if the schedule they had. So I went and stayed with my grandmother for
a few days until, they had a chance to work things out at home. Shortly after
that me and my step father, got into an argument over a stupid job. Later after
the argument, we apologized and moved on. I did tell my mother about it, but
only just talking to her about it. I did not attend for it to be a big get
together, and to talk about it. After all I figured since him and I apologized
for it, what is the point. On top of that he made a statement saying that he
would never take me anymore, so I think that maybe encouraged me to tell her
about it. However, I just wanted to be just something to talk about, I was not
trying to spread division in the house hold. So anyway, after I got off the
phone with my mother, I felt like my whole life is going down the drain. I felt
like I had no way out in life to, succeed. The only thing that was putting a
limit on me was transportation. Also even if I had a ride to get me, I would
not have a cell phone to call anyone to let them know when I would be off of
work. More importantly how long will it last? Even though it will not last
long….As I am sitting her typing this, my heart feels like I have failed
miserably and mentally. In addition to that, I called my biological father for
help. Well that did not turn out so good, he was started to act aggressive and
refused to help me. Just
think for a minute, imagine if you were in my shoes for a second. You have no
help from no one not even from your biological father. Your mother marries a
stranger you have no clue who it is, then when you ask for help, you get help
from the guy your mother marries and then he stops helping you. When you speak
to your mother about it, she always makes up excuses to cover him. What is
really hard is it is, you mother never calls or sees if you are dead or alive.
I know that some of you might come up with suggestions and say, “Dude you are
twenty five years old, you are old enough to take care of yourself.” When
really another way to look at is in two ways, people that make statements like
that, do not understand what that person has went through and also They do not
understand the whole story, about how you been through so much already. The
plan I had for myself was, I wanted to transfer to the Art Institute College,
after I was done with my associate’s degree in a local community college. The
only thing I needed was help paying off the fee for my college application. My
mother refused to help me, and so did my step dad and the others. I felt not
only damaged but everything I worked hard for is backfiring on me in a worst
possible way. During the time I been thinking over and over, I came to a
conclusion of almost giving up. It was like my life and all of the hard work I
put in to trying to succeed, is not paying off for me. I felt like my life was
useless and it was not point in going on anymore. Things at that point got
really bothersome for me that, I felt that if I just walked out of the house
and never came back, that my mother would not care at all. Just like the times,
when I ran away from home twice because I felt that my mother did not care
about me anymore. The only person I really missed was Jeremiah Lugwisha.
Jeremiah used to be one of my step dads from the past. He was a really good one
at that and at least he really cared about my education, even though at the
time, I was acting careless. He was the
only step dad that never been married nor had any kids. However, what I liked
moved of all is, he was the only step dad, that really cared about me….Unlike
the others my mother has been with by far. For they all seem really useless and
they only wanted things for their own benefits, rather than wanting to help.
Jeremiah was from Africa, he was very smart and such an awesome step dad that,
I wish I could have back once again. As of the way things are right now, I feel
like my life is at the end of the road. I could ask my friend Jay for help but,
he is getting married soon and off for a good life and a family of his own. I
really did enjoy the good times that me and my best friend Jay had together,
even when him and I are in church cleaning the bathrooms together. Me and him
always goofed around a lot and still got things done on time. Another best
friend I had was Jeff Harless. Ha-ha boy did him me and Jay Claybrook had a
blast at this one concert we went too. I was in the mosh-pit with the rest of
the kids and head banged until I could not any more. It was awesome! Right now
I have done a lot of thinking and it is really difficult a little bit, when you
barely get out of the house a lot. The only time I would leave the house was,
if my friend Jay would come to pick me up. At this point as I am typing this, I
am doing my best to not give up hope at the moment. So much stuff is happening
so fast that it makes you wonder what will be next. Chapter 63: Success or failure I
really hope I can get through this life. It seems like the more I try the
harder things get, for it is already hard enough to not get any support from
anyone close to you. I am sure of that I am not the only one, which feels that
way. That is a good thing I suppose. During the times I kept thinking over
repeatedly, for a plan to help me get through it always brings me to a brick
wall. I tried asking for help but, it seems no one will support me enough to
get to where I need to go in life. Especially when you have a so called family,
that is closer to you. It is bad enough that parents now days do not understand
what a child is going through already or suffering though. As of right now I
even tried talking to my grandmother about it but, all she does is bring up the
past about opportunities I should have took at the time. Unfortunately, other
than that it was no point in talking to her about other things anymore.
Needless to say, my grandmother do not understand what I been through in my
life already. Talking to my mother was no point anymore, since she decided not
to help me in anyway. My wild guess would be is, her and my little sister might
have been talking since either on their way getting here or since I had been
away from home for so long. My only wish is to be success if any way it is
possible. I wanted to be a successful Japanese artist, move to japan and start
a new life of my own. I even wanted to get a care of my own so I can be
independent. However most of all, I will never forget the one person that
helped me; first it is Jesus Christ and second is Jeremiah Lugwisha. I will
wish that he and my mother got back together again. As life goes on I guess it
way too late for that now. Looking at some of the people today, even some I see
in school. Their success is shining bright on them to no end, and then at the
same time I am struggling to succeed while theirs is laughing in my face.
Overall, I will never forget those two that really helped and cared about me. Sometimes
I always asked myself that me still living on this earth is such a waste. So
much that if I had of passed away long time ago, then my life would have never
turned out like this. As a child growing up, I been through a lot and my
childhood was also crappy and not much to speak of. As I grew up my life started
to experience changes. Things were getting so bad to the point that even
talking to others about my problems did not help much at all. I guess at a time
I am in right now, it is one of those times where you have to tough it out and
learn through trial and error. Everything up until now has been a slap in my
face all over again. It seems that everything is going down the drain for me.
No matter how I tried nothing works, for it is like an endless cycle all over
again.
For now this will
be the ending of My Life Story for now. For those of you, that still wishes to
check out more stuff, visit writerscafe.org/naoku009 or
Oh! Also I will
still be working on Birth of Chaos series for now, so please enjoy it. It will
be a while before I began Nightmare series. The Nightmare series is going to be
a sequel from Birth of Chaos. Well good
bye for now, until next time! To be continued….
© 2015 Nicaushio Yamaki |
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Added on August 27, 2015 Last Updated on September 13, 2015 Author
Nicaushio YamakiJapanAboutHello everyone, Anything you would like to know just ask me. more..Writing
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