Toll Collector's Tale

this is for the Stercus Tauri Contest better known as Baffel Me With Bulls

 

Toll Collectors’ Tales

 

 

Peggy, a toll collector on the West Virginia Turn Pike will one day write a book about all the stupid people driving through her toll gate.  This is just one of the little tales she has told me about since she began her job as a toll collector.

 

            “Nancy, you’ll never believe what happed today at the toll booth!  This one even beats all the weirdoes that have come through my gate up till now.”

            “Even the nude driver you told me about last month?”  I said with an inquisitive look on my face.

            Peggy grinned as she spoke.  “Oh I get a lot of those, and I can spot them before they pull up to the window.  I just push the red button, alerting the police.  Anyway there was a woman several days ago.  She actually gave me a chuckle that lasted long after my shift ended.  I voted her #1 on the Stupid Chart.”

            “Now you’ve got my attention, so tell me what happened?”

            “It was a little before eight o’clock last night when a woman pulled up to my booth, and as she handed me her two dollar toll she ask.  ‘Has my sister gone through here yet and how long ago?’ The woman asked with a very straight face.   When I told her I had no idea, she then said.  ‘Her name is Debbie and she is driving a silver car that really looks gold.’  I told her again that I didn’t have the slightest idea, and again she said.  ‘Please check your list again; I’m sure my sister is on it.’  I told her that I didn’t keep a list of cars that went through my gate, which made her a little angry.  She finally drove on through when the guy in the car behind her started blowing his horn.  Well needless to say, I got a pretty good laugh out of that one, but the best came at the end of my shift.”

            “What happened?”

            “Well, my replacement was a half hour late, so I had to work that extra half hour.  That’s when a co-worker from Barrier B went through my gate on his way home.  He also had a story to tell about the same woman.  He said that a woman came through his gate looking for her sister, and said that the lady at the last gate didn’t even try to help her find her sister �" meaning me.  She told him that her sister’s name was Debbie and could he check his list.  Now my co-worker is a bit of clown and lives to put one over on stupid people, so he told the woman that there had been several ladies named Debbie to go through his gate and asked the woman for her sister’s last name.  When the woman told him; he pretended to look at an imaginary list, and then looked at the woman smiling and said.  ‘Yes, ma’am, your sister went through just an hour ago and told me tell you that she would meet you in Florida.’  My co-worker said laughing.  ‘I could barely keep my laughter under control when I saw the confused look on the woman’s face.’  He told me what the woman said next.  ‘Why is she going to Florida?  Did she get my directions wrong?  I told her we were going to Myrtle Beach, and if I remember correctly, Myrtle Beach isn’t in Florida.  You don’t think that Myrtle Beach got shifted off its course in the last hurricane, do you?’  My co-worker and I were really having a big laugh, but he said there was more to tell.  He said, ‘I answered the woman’s questions.  I told her that I heard a news broadcast about that very thing.  Myrtle Beach had indeed been blown off course by the last hurricane, and is now in Florida.  Ma’am you had better hurry before the next hurricane hits and it moves again.  She asked me for directions to Florida so she could catch up with her sister.  Of course I gave her directions to Myrtle Beach, so she wouldn’t end up in Viropee.’  Viropee is a term he used for really being lost.  Anyway, we heard the next day that the toll collector at Barrier C had really confused the woman even more, by telling her that Myrtle Beach was back in South Carolina, and when he gave her directions, she compared it with the directions my co-worker given her.  ‘They are the same,’ she told the Barrier C toll collector.  ‘The other toll collector must have had it backwards.  It must have been Florida that was blown all the way to South Carolina.  I sure hope my sister isn’t as confused as I am,’ she said.  The toll collector at Barrier C told us the woman made a right turn instead of a left, going in the wrong direction, and that he tried to flag her down, but she was going too fast.  He was sure that the police would enjoy a good laugh as much as we did.

            I gave my friend a dubious, letting her know that this was an unbelievable story if there ever was one, but she swore that it was the truth.  Since she is not one for telling tales; I believed her.  However, I do wonder if it was the woman who was really laughing at the hillbilly toll collectors.  

Author's Note

Oh and by the way, this really happened!

Reviews

[Warrior]

Great story telling. This did justice in the realm of getting the message across. Great message. There's lot of times where a story can have a great message to aim for, and have a lot of under lining things but then no one gets it, and if no one gets it, then the point has failed. But in my opinion this did well to get the message across. You made it clear, which is why I think it's good. Keep up the good work. What was also great was that I could imagine the story as I read it, and that is also a strong point of stories. The ability to have the reader imagine it because after all we're reading not watching it, but it was as if I was there as I read this, and that is great. Good job once again.

[grady sedgwick]

what a good story and well written too. found a minor typo. "and as she handed me her two dollar toll she ask(ed).

thanks for the read,
grady

[holly]

Nicely written but it gave me the heebie-jeebies. To think that if I ever have a mental lapse, or reality lapse, I could be sent to the hinterlands to amuse some bored state workers. It seems more Alfred Hitchcock than Dave Barry to me.

[Livana Lowell]

LOL!

Aha, they thought she was crazy and she might've been the one pulling the prank. Thanks for posting. I actually laughed in my seat. I love and am gonna treasure this. Thank you for sharing!

[Through the Gateway]

Oh, that's just funny! I love how all the booth attendants were in cahoots!

Great story!