Muffin Man Murders

The Muffin Man Murders

 

Listen my children and you will hear the diabolical tale of the Muffin Man; and why we now have more muffins than dreary old bran.  The Muffin Man set his diabolical plan in motion, but not with an evil poisons potion.  The Muffin Man stalked his prey, on a long ago night before Christmas Day.  He planned to destroy all the cookies in his town, making the baker look like a clown.  With his big fisted hand, he’ll wipe out all cookies in the land.  Chocolate chip cookies are first on his list at the pastry shop on the corner.  Muffin Man was grinning like little Jack Horner.  He crept inside with murder in his eyes.  To sell more bran muffins was to be his prize. His only witnesses were the full moon and the stars in the sky.  On that night the man in the moon wasn’t smiling, there was a tear in his eye.  Stars didn’t glisten; and I’ll tell you why.  With hands so large, he crushed all the chocolate chip cookies in Willy’s Pastry Shop.  Chocolate chips fell to the floor with a big loud plop. He then turned his attention toward the Christmas cookie jar.  He broke them all into pieces right under the Christmas Star.  Then all Silver Bells met their demise, through the Muffin Man in a haunting disguise.  “I’ll get all the others,” the moon heard him say; “only bran muffins will be eaten on this Christmas Day.  Santa Claus, Christmas tree and angel sugar cookies were next in his diabolical murder spree.  In his hand he held the Baker’s stolen key.  Brightly colored sugar and sprinkles covered the pastry floor.  The heavenly bodies heard him holler as he ran out the door. 

            “Oh do you know the Muffin Man?  I live down Drury Lane.  Every sweet tooth in this town will feel a no sugar pain.  No more cookies will you see, only bran muffins He He He.  My muffins will fill your bellies with my dreary delights.  No more sweet chocolate morsels on cold rainy nights.”  

            Over in the corner on the cookie shelf all alone, the Gingerbread Men hid in the dark, trying not to moan.  Willy the Baker never iced them you see.  Murderous Muffin Man had missed them during his murder spree.  The Muffin Man hadn’t noticed brown outlined men in the darkness there.  The moon gave them a smile, a wink and a stare.  The Gingerbread men had bided their time, waiting for the Muffin Man to call an end to his murder spree. They called him cookie killer banshee.  Once alone in the pastry shop, those Gingerbread men went to work, and didn’t stop.  They swept up the mess that covered the floor, and then they got down the flour and began to make more.  Flour covered all the tables with flair, chocolate chips danced in the cool night air.  Time was a waning; they needed extra help, so a few chocolate chip cookies were given arms and legs.  Now those cookies could crack all the eggs.  They sprinkled all the sugar cookies that came down the line, and then gave those brown outlined men sets of all seeing eyes that sparkle and shine.  Yes the work went faster, now that the Gingerbread Men could see.  All murdered cookies were replaced just like one two three. 

            Willy the baker opened up his store, and nothing looked amiss when he unlocked the door.  One thing caused him to take a second look, and then he looked thrice.  Gingerbread men had been frosted, and were done so precise.  It was time to load all the cookies in his bakery truck.  He never knew that the Muffin Man had run amok.  The retiring moon heard the baker say.

            “This will be another Yummy Cookie Christmas Day.” 

 

            Down Drury Lane, Willy waved to the Muffin Man with a great big smile.  The confused Muffin Man followed him for over a mile.  No muffins were loaded inside the Muffin Man's truck, because instead of baking last night; he murdered cookies under the pale moonlight.  No bran muffins in Cookie town that day.  The Muffin Man lost his mind all the people say.  Willy the baker bought the Muffin Man’s store, and posted a sign on the big front door.  We have muffins, muffins, muffins galore, apple, strawberry, blueberry and more.  For all who need fiber; we also have bran; a recipe left by the Muffin Man.

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Elvina CZq]

I love muffins!! :) Banana flavour especially. This is a great children's read. I have always enjoy children's read because they are simply innocence and true. You've written so greatly. Thank you for sharing and bringing me back to my childhood memory :)

[Kevin Chelsea]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks stuff like this resides in children's literature. They just never tell us about it.

Great story.