outburst|downpour

short story about a summer storm and sweltering heat and a confession and maybe just a little hope for love

"i love you."

The whisper mixed with the cigarette smoke and then hung stagnate in the stale afternoon air, humid and oppressive, that made inactivity uncomfortable and exertion miserable. An ancient ceiling fan, blades worn and covered in dust and dirt and expired insect's exoskeletons, creaked in protest against the smothering heat, but it was a futile battle that only created a slight stirring in the air, a broken promise of relief. In the sky outside dark clouds pregnant with rain but unable to burst hung heavy and low, struggling to stay above the treetops. He sat with his back to her, fingers tapping against a calculator, pencil scratching against paper, her presence unacknowledged, an emotionless monolith. She stood perfectly still, or maybe she trembled just slightly, her dress clinging to her small frame, dampened by sweat from running here, expectant, waiting. Waiting for the rain to come, waiting for relief from this torment as her words echoed in her ears, vowels and consonants mashing together and mingling with the creaking of the fan and the scratching of the pencil until all she could hear was a dull roar that swallowed up all her thoughts until she could hardly remember what she said and she was just about to scream when she heard it. The first few raindrops smacking against the ground. And it was only a minuscule amount of relief but it turned her scream into a shout and then lightning flashed outlining everything with a certain starkness.

"I love you!"

The clouds burst, filling the room with the roar of a billion raindrops bursting outside, splashing into the open window, beating the weary trees and the weary homes, drowning them in relief. Deliberately he set down his pencil, deliberately he put out his cigarette in the ash try, deliberately he pushed back his chair and turned to face her. Beneath thick, dark bangs rose dark brooding eyes to capture her wide ones. He opened his mouth and said one word, a hoarse syllable just barely audible over the sound of the rain.

"Why?"

Suddenly she felt childish and foolish and scared and took an unsteady step backward and then another, legs shaking and breath ragged. He reached for her and then she broke his gaze and turned and fled. Irregular footsteps sounded through the hallway and then out the front door and for a moment he just sat there, unmoving, until then he was up and running too, chasing after her, running through the front door she'd left wide open and into the downpour. He closed the gap between them quickly, reaching out for her as she stumbled, catching her before she scraped her knees against the concrete and turning her around to face him. Lightning flashed again sending waves of thunder to roll over them, two ragged bodies connected by a touch, connected by a gaze, unable to move closer, unable to move apart, unable to say a thing as the rain cried in rivulets rushing down over their cheekbones. He was the first to move, breaking the eye contact, lifting his head to stare past her at a young sapling, bent over like a weary old man in the pounding rain. He was drenched, and yet his mouth was dry, no sound came out as he opened his mouth, rain dripped in, pooling at the corners, he swallowed awkwardly, yet his mouth was still dry and he need to say something but...

"Tell me...t-tell me...do you love me?"

She was the one to speak. Voice small and quiet, barely audible, rain nearly beating away the trembling halting words before he could hear. His mouth opened and closed again, still achingly dry as he pulled his eyes away from the sapling and back to her, her face searching and questioning, fear hovering at the edges of her eyes.

"Don't tell me... don't tell me how you think you should feel, don't tell me what seems most advantageous, how it seems you should feel. Just tell me how you feel...for once just tell me how you really feel. Give me that much, let me know, please..."

Eyes loosing focus, he stood there, wondering how he felt, wondering how he really felt, wondering how he could answer her. Fingers loosened and let shivering arms drop limply.

"I don't know."

A voice as dead and emotionless as the concrete beneath his feet. Her knees gave way, banging against the sidewalk, her head dropping against her chest, eyes closing, squeezing out the rain, squeezing out the pain.

"Love me, like I love you," she pleaded. "Not because I love you, love me more because I love you, but first love me because of me."

His limbs locked up for a moment, then he stepped back, turned around, took a few numb, sloshing steps away. Lifting his face to the sky, the rain pounded against closed eyelids, he imagined it beating down into him, wearing away at his soul. Love... her...? That was stupid, that was foolish. Love...? He was not an emotionless b*****d, but nothing rang true. Love...? How could he ever be sure of a such a silly word, people's emotions were fickle, fluttering from one to the next like a damned butterfly from flower to flower. Love...? Maybe he could, he couldn't seem to push her out of his mind. Love... her...? Maybe?

Should he? Could he?

Would he?

...Did he?

Returning to her, he sank to the ground, kneeling into a puddle and somehow making his pants wetter than they were. He reached for her, she didn't shrink back, he pulled her into him, offering what little bit of warmth he had, noticing her trembling sobs, felt but not heard, her uncontrolled shivering. He bent his head down, resting his wet cheek against her wet hair and closing his eyes, simply feeling her.

A little time would pass, and the rain would begin to fade as clouds were spent and began to drift away. And the sun would peek through, feebly apologize for the weather earlier. And he would stand and help her up, and he would pull her close to him as they slowly wandered back inside. And nothing much had really changed at all, except for a tiny smile on her face and a tiny seed of happiness in his heart, everything was really only a tiny bit better. But at least for the moment, that tiny bit seemed like it was just enough, just enough so that maybe it was worth it after all.

Reviews

[Jaclyn]

I didn't get to read this whole story because I have to go and get ready to go to Great Adventure, but the first paragraph that I read was faneffingtastic. Some of the sentences seemed a TAD awkward, and I had to go back and read them again, but I think that was because the length of them was a bit run-on-ish. I'm not sure though because the description was so good that I was also reading the sentences over again to revel in the fact that someone has nearly mastered the "show-don't tell" technique. I also love the painful, whispered, "I love you". I can't wait to see what the rest of the story entails. I'm marking this high based on only what I read, and I DEFINITELY will come back and read the rest.

[nani]

thanks! i was playing around with a different writing style than what i'm used to, i quite like a writing style like this. i tried to convey the pacing of the story through stringing adjectives together, using repetition, or other methods of placement. i also tried to convey how overwhelmed the girl felt at the beginning, through using a lot of adjectives. i'm glad to know it elicits an emotional response, thank you both for your compliments!

[Philosophile. (Maddy)]

This was simply beautiful. I thought the varied language you use really sets the standard for other writers. I could imagine each scene as it took place, and you even got an emotional response from my heart. That rarely happens. Amazing job.

[Alexia Gray]

this is just beautifully written and very effective! it's left me just thinking about what happened; the simple actions are described just right, well done!