THE FINAL BREAKUP

"SOMETIME AWFUL THINGS HAVE THEIR OWN KIND OF HAPPINESS"

And next morning I got up while she was in my arms, sleeping. I was just looking at her I was not thinking about anything else I didn’t know what will happen when she will wake up cause of the different relationship status in life. I just want every morning to start like this. It was a dumb thought but still I meant it. After some time she woke up. I pretended sleeping. I think she looked at me for a minute she kissed me and said “I know you are awake”. I smiled she hugged me and she asked me is this wrong?. I didn’t know the answer. I asked her that lets not talk about it now because I don’t know the answer yet. Could we talk about it tomorrow? She hugged me tight and remains that way for an hour. There I wished that somehow this moment never ends. Somehow we could stay inside that service apartment for the rest of our life. Again I was acting dumb. Anyway after sometime we got up, I ordered breakfast she fed me with her hands. We sang we danced we talked about the beautiful things of the past: My affairs, her relationships. I was listening her that what all things she did when I was not in her life. I was feeling bad because I wanted to be there. Anyway she all got dressed up and I was falling more in love every second. It was like every hour spent with her was setting a benchmark that I can’t love her more. But when another hour passes it just breaks earlier benchmark. That day my heart was in command of my body. In the evening I got ready and I was waiting for her downstairs. She came down she was looking so amazingly beautiful. She put her hand in mine and we walked to a nearby restaurant. I was making fun of things along the way. She was nonstop laughing. She used to produce a “kheeekheekheeeee” sound when her laugh gets uncontrollable. We reached the restaurant. It was perfect evening only thing was missing a ring and the question. We came back. She was in my arms. I didn’t want anything else. I don’t know about but now I had all the answers of her question. I was ready to tell her what’s wrong and what’s right. She was in my arms. Her cloud was around me. We slept. Next morning again I was watching her. Now we both knew that it’s time to talk. But no one was bringing it up. She had the Volvo booked for Hyderabad that evening and my flight was next morning. We didn’t talk about it. We checked out and I was going with her to drop her to the bus stop then I was going to a friend’s place. We were quite in the auto but her hands were stick together. We were waiting for her bus. There she if I want to go I can. I answered I want to drop you till Hyderabad. Then I want to go. She smiled and said “will you”. I said I will. Bus came. It was a sleeper bus. Booked two sleeper seats and cancelled my flight, booked it from Hyderabad. We were in upper level compartment. We took our berths. It is like a small bed for two. I opened the curtain and she was in my arms again. There we did the talk. The whole bus was silent and we were talking about our situation. I am sure the whole bus would have listened to our conversation. We talked a lot the main thing she said “aka what happened and what is happening is totally wrong but why it is not feeling wrong, one morning we met after 6 years and at the same night I was in your arms, it felt nothing happened, nothing changed, I felt the feeling which I thought can never come back. I am confused. What should we do? I said” let it go” it was hard for me to say that. But I said that was the right thing to do. She didn’t say anything. And we were arguing about her relationship and my ex affairs. The whole bus was listening. After sometime bus stopped at some place. I accompanied her to the ladies room. An old cute lady comes to me and smiles and said tell her that you love her and you want to marry her, she will say yes and then we all can sleep happily. I was embarrassed and it was funny. She came out we all had coffee together. And we went to the bus and continued our weird talk. She slept after sometime in my arms only and I didn’t know what there in future. Morning we reached I dropped her and went to the airport. When I was about to switch off my phone I called her and said” I love you”. She replied “I love you”. I came back. Now I was scared. We were talking on phone a lot. After two days she told me she is out that relationship but she won’t fall into any kind of commitment with me. I didn’t say anything. I thought about it a lot. It was tricky situation to name our relationship. After three weeks we met again in Hyderabad. I went there she got a new job there. I stayed for almost a week; we went to Bangalore to meet her friends. That part of my life was happiness. Every night she slept in my arms and every morning I woke up watching her. She is a very beautiful her skin glows in the morning but after sometime it come back to its normal state. We decided to marry each other. Everything was perfect. I started believing in happy endings. I just asked for couple of months because I was on a project and was waiting for its approval. Last year we met so many times. When I came back from Hyderabad, I booked my flight for next week to Bangalore. We met again and again in same manner. She also came to Delhi. I picked her up from the airport drove her around Delhi. I was again dropping her to her friend’s place and she was leaving for Ajmer digraph. Her friend “sheeny” was at the bus stop. there she asked me to come with her to ajmer. I said yes. We called sheeny and we were off to Ajmer. The whole night I drove and she was sleeping on my lap. I am not religious at all but when saw her, praying at the dargah made me talk to god. We three had lot of fun. Sheeny is an awesome person. We went to pushkar. Honestly I always had the fear of losing her again. Whenever we met and while going back I always thought it could be the last time I met her. Last December we met in Bangalore everything was beautiful and now I was sure that now this will lead to her. The next year came and in March we broke up. She is not in my life. It’s been months I talked to her. Every day I write a letter that stays in my mailbox for her. Every day I think about calling her. I have the pendent close to me but now it hurts to see it. I miss her. I love her. I just want her to be happy always smiling. Now I will keep her in my heart because that’s only a way one can love anybody even if they are not with you. I can still go on and write about it here. But everything ends so this story also. Thank you for reading.