"MOVING ON" MODE

"it takes so much of effort to start over again and it takes a second to feel it all over again"

And I came back to my lonely castle. Million thoughts were running in my head that time all those million thoughts were about her. Now my love was a tragedy and she was only the remedy. I clearly remember I didn’t get out of the flat for almost 3 days. I just kept on thinking about her. I never picked her call. I didn’t msg her back because I can’t stand the fact that she was with someone else. But now was the time to pull out my guns again. Now was the time to start living the life again. I decided to be happy again. Though the process took almost a year but I totally buried every memory of her in darkest corner of my brain. I was happy now. I was the new king of the town. I completed my graduation and took a year off for mba entrance prep. I shifted to Delhi with my old Delhi school friends. I was back in action. I started dating. And luckily whenever I get into a relationship it lasted for couple of months only. I was way too happy with that kind of thing. But I never betrayed or used girls. I was always clear about what I wanted in the relationship. I started working in Convergys (BPO) in gurgaon. Life was like a playboy mansion. Another year passed and in that year I almost dated 8 girls. Now gave lot of mba entrance exams. And a funny thing happened. I got call letter from the same college in pune from which she completed her graduation. It was the best option among all the call letters. I seriously laughed on my destiny that time. What it wants from me. I don’t want to walk that road again but some or the other way it always lead me to the same path. Anyway I took the admission in that college and I shifted. Life in pune was amazing. I got a new girl in my life. She was really beautiful and intelligent. We had lot of fun together. She used to come to my flat cook for me, used force me to study. She literally threw my car keys out of window many times just to make me study for mba. She made all of my presentation. There was a point when I realized that there is a chance of falling in for her. I got frightened and I broke up with her. That time I thought it was right but now I think it was wrong. Anyway it was only 5 months relationship so it was easy for her to revive. And I was like again just enjoying life. Pune was a really amazing city. I have so many friends there and so many naughty incidents if I mention them. Readers would laugh their a*s off. But honestly every single day there was always one single minute in which I thought about her. Post graduation was over. I got placed from the college and I shifted to Mumbai. This yeas was little weird for me. Mumbai is like a crazy lady which never stops dancing. It always keeps you involved. From morning till evening I used sincerely work and in night I party sincerely. Another year passed like this. Now I don’t know something happened to me. I was done with relationships. I promised myself that from now onwards I will not commit until I really feel. I won’t try to impress a girl just to be in her pants. Btw I never cheated any girl or told any lies I always made clear about my understanding of the relationship. Anyway now I was changed. A friend asked me question after sometime that until now when you were most satisfied with your life. I closed my eyes I fast forwarded the whole life and I answered it was my Ist year graduation. It was cleared that I still love her. So I decided to do a stupid thing. I emailed her and asked her for returning the pendent to me. (It was the same pendent that I gave to her when I married her). For next three months there was no reply for that mail. I was bit sad cause my intention was to keep that thing close to me which I value and I assumed that she won’t feel the same thing as I do so the importance of the pendent is more to me than her. One day she replied that she will send it by courier on the address I mention in my mail. I waited for a day but she didn’t mail it to me. Another mail came from her that it is not safe to courier a diamond pendent through courier. She was in Bangalore working in company. I had a friend in Bangalore I asked her to pick the pendent for me. When she will meet me she will give it to me. So my friend collected the pendent and after some days the pendent was in my hands. Everything of the marriage moment got refreshed. I put the pendent in my neck and was happy now. I didn’t msg her. But she did. Initially she sent msges and I was just replying. Then I was also sending msges to her. There she told me she was dating someone. I felt bad but not that bad because I dint want her back. It was like year and half in Mumbai and now I decided to shift back to my home cause to take care of dad’ business. She also left her job and shifted to her home in hyd. Frequencies of msges was increasing day by day. Now we were talking on phones. Without even knowing we were like spending night on phone together. But I was not thinking or wanting her to come back. I was happy in talking to her. Now my friends made a plan for a trip to Far East. I was out for more than a week. When I returned she asked me to meet her. I said okay. I packed my bags took a flight to Bangalore she also came to Bangalore. I reached late night so we decided to meet next morning. Next morning I went to meet her. She was standing in the balcony again. I was downstairs. I froze. Every moment with her flashed in front of my eyes. She came down. God she was looking beautiful. It was almost 6 years since we saw each other. I font know there is something wrong with me. Everything I did on me was changed suddenly. I realized I can’t stop loving her. She came close to me and said “so you still don’t watch TV”. I fell in love again.