solitary

story of a girl whose thoughts crashed with her soul...

Abandoned be fellow students in school, kissed four guys by the age of twenty and already heart broken by the age of twenty two. That is how our Jessica was. She wasn't a great student, pretty ordinary, clumsy i would say but there was a thing about her, full of strength which she imbibed in her to fight the world which seemed pretty perfect and great to her.

Jessica always longed for love no matter in what sense she could get, that is what the problem is with the girls who feel love is substitute to the problems they face. And in the quest she made mistakes, went on ahead with the guys that she never really meant to go ahead with and when she would realize about it, the guilt of doing wrong to the other guy sitting next to her would kill her. Craving for attention since childhood had convinced herself that it was attention that will make her thrive in life not what her soul desired. Her soul, as beautiful as she was would feel the same compassion for everybody in her life that mattered to her. 

By the age of 20, falling and getting up everyday for almost first two decades made her realize the reality she was blind to. For the fact every time she thought life wasn't fair it even made her belief it wasn't fair to anybody and that was fair. For the teenage girls where love seems beautiful, it made her realize it was tough too. And it was easy to get into it but what was tough was staying into it. Jessica was smart, intelligent but distracted. It was her relations that were at priority more than herself and her career. She thought it was her friends her lover that she would ever need more than her career to life happily. 

After graduation it was time for dropping out for an year to focus more on where she wanted it to be. It was time that, unaware of, would come with lot of realities. When you are sitting inside four walls for an year just with doubts in your head, the time you feel you are at your lowest is probably the time you awaken yourself. The time did not pass easily, it came with lot of failures, constant failures in examinations, constant scrutinizing from family and constant self criticism broke her many times. But it was human faith or i would say her zeal to look for better future made her get up every morning after a nightmare to make the day count as much as possible. And this was also the time she fell in love and she failed too. Coming from a middle class family, dreaming for an independent future with head held high, dreaming of making your parents proud, it wasn't easy for Jessica to come out of love failure trauma and perform her best. Every day that guilt of wasting time on a boy who left her because he was busy made her feel miserable. Every day spent on asking questions to yourself that what made her feel in love with guy who left her was probably the worst she had felt till now. But the more she asked the more she realized that it was necessary. It was necessary for her to fall to able to understand the importance of what she was losing on the way. Her focus, her determination, her quest for better life, her friends. She had to make sure that it was her soul that she had to keep alive more than anything else. Because what she needed was her own love. You need to love yourself as much as you do it to others. Jessica is now doing her masters, still learning, still falling and still getting up to find answers she hasn't yet but what she knows is she can't give up to dream a better life because giving up has never been an option for her.