Love

This is one of my first poems, I have a few more, written in the course of about a week. Would like some honest feedback, good or bad doesn't matter, as long as its honest. =)

Love,
Such a simple word,
Yet so complex,
To be casually tossed around,
And used out of context,
I love my cat,
I love my dog,
I love the girl,
I met at the mall,
We shared a beer,
We shared a tear,
And now inside,
I hold this fear,
She has gotten,
To close to me,
What she can see,
Should not be seen,
What should I do,
This is all so new,
I hold her tight,
Through the night,
A kiss on the cheek,
As she lays asleep,
A whisper in her ear,
"I love you, my dear."
When dawn broke,
Alone I woke.

Reviews

[Astrid Hamilton]

Well, another word for love is the silence in the look two lovers might share with the glares;
stares of their eyes into the other's...love; it's just a pretty word; it happens to be common- just like when we say 'God', what else would we say if we couldn't, or what else would we say besides 'heart', or 'soul', or 'life' or 'girl' or 'boy'...all of these words...love.
My favorite part of your poem is the sweet sensuality and tenderness I can somehow hear in the male narrative as he whispers in her ear those beautiful words as she lay asleep.
But to awake alone...
is that truly love?

[Wolfwind Words]

I like the overall essense of this piece.
The flow is good, however I would like to add my voice to the idea of breaking it up into stanzas. This would alow for a smoother read.
As to the meaning I got from this piece:
There are two types of love being brought across, The first is of causual love. Something sincere, yet not as binding as the love in any relationship would be.
The second is love of the intimate kind. In your piece it comes across as the battle between what the ideal should be and what in reality, how it is. The last line exemplifies how "Love" as a term of endearment too early in a relationship can cause fear or panic in another. It may be used playfully in erotic play, yet is quickly put aside after the act; as in the case of a one night stand.

One suggestion other than the stanza idea. As you have put comma's after each line, it reads as though it is one big sentence, which in fact it is not. I would say, remove the comma's and just put periods at the end of each sentence.

Keep up the good work!
Aaron Maycroft

[Windy]

I know I have read and reviewed this before but wanted to give it a second look. I still think I was right with my first review but wanted to add a little more this time around. LOL So... Well done, I really liked this one. You had good format, flow and rhyme from the very start and kept it going all throughout. And yes Love is very "complex" how true and you brought forth some very good points there. Good write and really good read. Thanks for the moment my friend. ;)

[Liam]

This is a really effective poem, so well done for that, but you might want to change "To" to "Too" on the fifteenth line. Well done though, the poem was awesome.

[.]

Very nice, maybe break it down into stanzas...?

[Chris]

Pretty good. It had great flow.

Chris

[Windy]

Wow for a first write it's very good. I like the flow and the ryhming. Keep up the good work and post again soon. :)

[CLUTZ]

its really rhymy but good. if you like writing keep doing it, so far so good.