Loving a brother

Brother, my Brother,

I long the shore west of our house,

But you say there are beasts dressed as men,

You say they fear your shadow; so do I.

I am no beast, but I do see one.

I love you with fear,

A fear so palpable I cry,

Not sometimes. But every night,

When I’m reminded of that time you hit me

With a shard of glass you called ‘the right way’.

You often said, “you shouldn’t”,

But now you say, “you shan’t”.

I have learnt it to be my way,

Still asking, but never questioning,

Many men, many questions,

But one commanding ring. ‘No’.

Sometimes you fleetingly touch my fingers,

Wrap your hands around my waist,

Make me squirm under your gaze,

And wake me up to nightmares of sweet dreams.

You wash my feet with your wet kisses,

Pull my hair with aching love,

Smell my sweet scented innocence

And whisper sordid secrets into my ears.

Sometimes you catch my breath,

Clench my thoughts,

Drown my senses and make me twitch.

But then you are my brother; you mean no harm.

I know you lie, but that I always forget.

I wish to disregard you; at that I wince.

I don’t despise you; that I fear.

I fail to fathom us and that I deny.

So every night before I sleep,

You say you love me

And I know I love you,

Only to close my eyes and pray;

Love makes us do strange things.