Inventory

A furniture warehouse in Cincinnati, Ohio, the year was 1971. A day just like any other or so I thought. I had turned thirty five the previous January, the proverbial bachelor. The last thing on my mind was romance. We were taking inventory that week. I thought it would be the same old sorry assortment of losers we always got, wrong again. I was a high lift operator the machine I drove went forward and back in a set of tracks. It also went up and down. You put a four wheeled truck on it and either stocked furniture or filled orders, for inventory you took two people. One to pull the ticket and one to verify the location. The first person the sent me was no surprise. Then came the surprise. They brought this young lady with a knee length brown skirt and knee length boots. She was small I think she could have walked under my outstretched arm. I was thankful for the tracks as I could not take my eyes off her. At lunch we went to Frisch's restaurant. We shared a salad and sandwich. She told me she loved honey. I can't for the life of me remember why. I told her I raised bees. When we went back to work they told her she had to go to the other warehouse, where we stored the excess stock of mattresses. She was going with a buyer who thought he was g-d's gift to women. I took her aside and warned her. In the past that probably been the end of the story, but I had been taking inventory. A few days later I brought a quart jar of honey to work. I looked up her phone number, got her address and took her the honey. So that is how I met my wife and changed my life. By the way she had three children when I met her. We added six more. An interesting addition to the story. She had been complaining to her father she had no friends and was lonely. He showed up with a bucket of KFC. He always said she wanted him to meet me. I think that is called ''serendipity''.

 

Reviews

[Melissa M.]

This definitely has the potential to begin a great story, but there are so many mechanical errors I'm not sure where to begin.
First of all, why is "inventory" highlighted? I found it very distracting. There really is no need to remind your readers of the title. If you really feel that word needs extra umph, then by all means use italics. The highlighting makes this look like an incomplete rough draft.
Secondly, this is very short to be a "chapter". Give us more detail about what your wife was wearing. How did her hair look? How did her skin smell? Did your pulse beat triple time from the first glimpse? There is so much more you can do with the bits and pieces you've already given to turn this into many more pages.
Third, which maybe should have been my first point, is your very first sentence. It's not really a sentence and to me as a writer nearly turned me off of reading further. Your first sentence is so important. Draw me in with it. Give me a reason to read the second sentence and then the third.
As I previously stated there are many mechanical errors: spelling, grammar, etc. But those can be addressed later. Expand and add detail first.