Fulfilling Others Needs

I lost this in the catastrophe. Jen never got a chance to read it. I will try to do a rewrite for her.

She is there as she is the second Thursday of every month. No matter what the weather, hot or cold, wind or rain, it makes no difference. Today she and one of her friends are huddled against a cold wind in a snowy parking lot.  The temperature is in the teens. As the cars approach they meet them with a smile.

 

''Good morning Santa,'' Jen says ''are you keeping warm?''

 

We have an expensive habit and they provide the thing to satisfy it. Actually they do not provide the service. They have friends in the alley who do that. They check us out and send us on. In the alley they are huddled together as the cars come near they seperate and as my window rolls down the man asks, ''How many?''

 

''One.'' I answer.

 

''Front seat or back?'' he asks.

 

They know me here, the front door opens and a box is placed on the front seat along with a two pound box of cheese.

 

You see my habit is not sex or drugs it is food. I as well as the others like to eat. These kind people pass out commodities to us help old timers with our food bill. What would we do without them? I can only speak for myself. Without them I would return to dumpster diving. I do not know about the others as there are only so many dumpsters and the police threaten to arrest people caught in them.

 

I for one am thankful for Jen and her friends.

Reviews

[Adamdust]

It has that lure, the one that tricks readers into thinking some taboo is taking place. Not just taboo, but illicit behavior. I can see how this might be a premise to a distopian story, like Fahrenheit 451 (is that the right temp?). That book was based on books being illegal and TV brain-washed people. I can see this being a like a Soylent Green. However, i'm pretty sure the intent of the piece is to convey more: readers, like people, jump to conclusion; good writers know how to exploit those reader expectations, gratitude to the giving few. If i'd not known better, this is a socio-economic background here implicit in the text. This is why it feels distopian, but i think that word goes way too far and may rob the reader of what is right in front of them. I'm wondering what prompted its brevity? why so brief?

[Dezaraye]

This made me smile. :)