Big Brother

The screaming outside our room continues and I see how Lev is starting to clench and unclench his fist. He puts on his headphones and almost immediately takes them off. He's glaring at the computer screen so hard I'm afraid he's going to punch the monitor. I'm sitting on the floor and brushing my Barbie's hair, not noticing that by now I'm tugging tufts of it out and Rapunzel is slowly starting to bald. I startle when Lev suddenly jumps up, causing the computer chair to spin across the room, heading straight towards me. He catches it before it hits me, mumbles an apology and comes up to the door. When I'm standing by his side, he opens it slightly and we press our ears to the crack.

"Who the hell gives away the family van to a friend?" I hear my dad holler.

"He was being a good friend!" mom screams back.

"His friendly attitude left us with a dented car and a big a*s fine!"

Lev quietly closes the door, goes back to his desk. I know that he's going to punch it so I'm not startled when the loud cracking sound comes.

"I hate it when they fight about me!" he shouts. Now he's clenching both his fists and his jaw, too. I stand quietly, holding Rapunzel by her hair, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I'm getting out of this hell hole.," growls Lev and snatches the car keys off his opened chemistry textbook. They jingle when he clips them onto his ripped jeans. He throws on his leather jacket and heads for the door.

"No," I whisper.

"What?" he spins around.

"Don't leave." I hiccup. He stands with his hand on the door knob, biting his lip.

"Grab a jacket and let's go."

I put on my kitty sweater, the one that always makes me feel safe and we both walk out into the living room.

"Where do you think you're going?" dad screams.

"Out of here!" answers Lev, holding me with one hand and opening the front door with the other. I press Rapunzel to my chest and my face to Lev's hand, smelling the leather jacket and the sharp scent of alcohol and weed. My parents' screaming abruptly stops when Lev slams the heavy wooden front door behind him. He fast walks to the parking lot, with me barely keeping up.

"Slow down." I say.

"Sorry." he apologizes. "Sorry." He's not only apologizing for his hurry. He's apologizing for everything.

For at least five minutes Lev sits in the car without starting it, with his head pushed back and his eyes closed. I curl into a ball in the corner of the backseat, trying to make myself as small as possible. With my finger, I draw a smiley face on the window with the condensation and look at the street lamps light up as it gets darker.

"I'm cold." I murmur.

"Same." my brother replies after a silence as if waking up. His voice is different; not as angry, not as if he's a time bomb. He finally starts the car, turns on the heater and then the music and backs out of the lot. Soon, we're driving down empty streets with gentle piano music filling us until it overflows, taking the screaming parents, the tears, the anger out with it. Lev reaches for his MP3 player, presses a couple buttons and suddenly the car is filled with Bob Marley. Lev forces himself to smile and I watch how the forced smile slowly starts becoming sincere.

"How does iHop sound?" he slightly turns his head to me.

"Yes, please," I answer. For a moment, I wanted to tell him that I'm wearing my pajamas. That it's an hour past my bedtime. That mom and dad have no idea where we are. But then it occurred to me that having pancakes late at night in pajamas with your location being unknown to your parents with a badass big brother is absolutely amazing and missing a chance like this one would be unforgivable.

It’s close to midnight when we come home. When Lev slowly opens the front door, it’s surprising to see that its creak is the loudest sound in the house. The living room is dark and silent. We creep past our parents’ bedroom and into our room.

“I have to brush my teeth.” I tell Lev.

“You don’t have to tonight.” He answers jumping into bed. I get under my covers and lay for a couple minutes, watching my brother text someone on his phone.

“I can’t fall asleep.” I whisper.

“Close your eyes a lay still.” He shares his golden advice.

“Read me a story.”

“Laska-“

“Lev read me a story.”

He looks at me and sighs.

“Fine.” Lev puts down his phone and reaches for the bookshelf by his bed. Then he comes over to me. “Scooch.”

I tuck in my legs and he sits down. Fight Club I read the title before he flips the book over and looks at me.

“Alright, first things first.” He smiles. “Rule number one about Fight Club is that you never talk about Fight Club.”