Anorexia

A Story by Nadine

Would you rather lose weight or lose an entire life full of love and joy and happiness? Most teenagers out there would risk their lives to be perfect, what they don’t know is that perfection itself is imperfect. Anorexia is a mental disease with lots of physical complications. Once you have it, it's hard to recover from it. Of course you think that anorexia will make you feel beautiful because you’ll have the body of your dream while actually you’ll have to give up everything to be anorexic. I think that anorexia is a deadly game of “thinspiration.” Simply, if you want to be anorexic it’s exactly like committing suicide.

Imagine yourself living a healthy life and you have the opportunity to enjoy it to the fullest, while there are other countries around the world that are dealing with starvation problems. Instead of starving yourself, be thankful for what you have, and always know that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder and you define beauty for yourself, society doesn’t define it for you. Being anorexic isn’t the solution, it’s the end. Medical complications are common and often serious in patients with eating disorders, particularly those with anorexia nervosa. Anorexia ends up resulting disturbed body image, desire to lose more weight, and fear of fatness. Willing to be anorexic, is like a fish having hope that it’ll walk on ground; severe death.

If you think you’ll be beautiful, first of all, you’ll have to start giving up things. You’ll have to give things you like and you’ll miss them a lot, looks like fun, right? Your hair, that is precious and that everyone compliments you about it, it’s going to fall and lose its color and volume, by time, and you’ll be bold just like trees in spring. Your eyes, that are always full of life, so deep and so beautiful, the only deep thing that will be left is the black rings around them. Your skin, that is so silky, delicate, and beautiful like a peach will dry like a loaf of bread in the air. And your biggest desire is the pain it will cause you.

When you feel pain every now and then it means that you’re on the right track to death. You will always feel pain in your stomach, hard stomach-splitting pains, and you’ll have to cope with them and love them. You have to be grateful for every instant of precious pain it gives you, remember, you asked for it. You’ll have to keep your distance from food, losing weight is not easy. Anorexia will keep you wanting to lose even more and more weight, and it will never be enough. But remember it’s your fault; everything that happens is your fault. You’ll start torturing yourself and beating yourself up until it hurts. You’ll have to pinch parts of your body constantly because you’re convinced that it’s fat. After all of that, you’ll lose control, hate yourself, punish yourself, and maybe cut yourself too. Keep repeating this routine over and over again, then you will finally get what you wished for, you will fulfill what was your goal since the very beginning; you will simply die.

When you look in the mirror, you’ll eventually ask yourself “who am I?” Who you are staring at in the mirror is actually who you are but it’s not you alone, you and anorexia will be two in one, yet together, you’re not a whole. Your reflection in the mirror will look pale and unfamiliar; you will recognize yourself by time. That was all control over you, and control was just an illusion. You’ll feel scared and you’ll try reaching out of your isolation, but then you remember that you can’t eat, so you’ll turn cold and cold brings panic. Your only choice is resting in the dark, and all that you can see are stars glowing perfectly just like how you wished you can be. Jealousy will kill you, and you’ll rest in peace.