Rousseau

To-do lists sitting on my chest 

Laying in bed

Hiding in my closet 

Sobriety is the blanket and the door and my ribcage 

He sees my fat and loves me anyways 

Cute, he says 

I am ugly, I want to scream

I was born a diamond and have been eroded every second since

Pimpley and red 

With hair that jets out and a mind that won't forget 

I need sex or love or time alone 

To-do lists posted on the walls

The walls are too childish 

Too much colour in this room

Too many clothes that don't fit

I am ungrateful 

Ungrateful and ugly 

I have taken to covering mirrors because I cannot stand the sight of myself 

I stopped picking at my skin for him 
Not for me

Never for me 

To-do lists

I need to make goals and hopes 

Deadlines to remind myself

A schedule with colours and times and people

Cute, he says 

What will he say when I am surrounded by unticked to-do lists 

When February stops 

I want to dance 

I want to dance and never stop dancing 

To feel my throat grow hoarse and my tendons tighten 

And dance and feel fun and free

and drink cocktails and make money and travel 

I want to love someone and have them love me back and not worry about 

Age gaps or time passing or my hair or my stomach

Or ticking off the damn to-do lists 

Or reading philosophy and making it mean something 

For him for him 

I am diligent and responsible and organized and informed and professional and friendly 

Highly skilled

Poorly willed

Over filled

Slightly chilled

- Laundry 

- English Reading

- Politics Reading

- Science Reading

- Film essay

- Midterm studying

HELLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME? IS THIS WHAT YOU MEANT WHEN YOU SAID HUMANS FOUND THE GIFT OF SOCIETY AND RUINED IT? AM I AN EXAMPLE OF THIS? HAVE I RUINED IT? 

Reviews

[Arundass TP]

A different poem. Strong lines filled with emotions. Enjoyed reading

[nadia dmitri]

thank you !

[jacob erin-cilberto]

self-deprication done at its best.
And the idea that we want someone to just love us for ourselves and for us to be okay with being ouselves.
Not feel like someone is just being kind.
j.

[nadia dmitri]

yes that is what i was going for, thank you for the visit

[Davidgeo]

You are pretty good at the writing. I'm more of a Hobbes kinda guy myself, mostly. (this is probably the best thing I've read here in the last 6 months)

[nadia dmitri]

wow thank you for such a kind compliment!!