A good poem expressing pain and frustration effectively. Good job! :)
Days of endless struggle,
Hopefully more pills today.
Trying best to appear 'normal',
In some sort of way.
The beginning is really powerful. It sets the mood for the poem nicely. Very well written. :)
Because my worst enemy is not life, but inside of me.
I completely agree with this truth. We are our greatest enemies. Beautifully written. :) However, we say ''inside us'' not ''inside of us''.
Messed up fishtail,
ruined mascara,
Laying my back against the old sofa,
I saw the darkness engulf me.
The imagery in these lines is so perfect. The girl is complete broken and these lines do a perfect job a expressing it. Well done! :)
I felt chill in my veins,
And my soul shouted, 'What a disdain.'
Generally, when we talk about chill, it's either ''a chill'' like ''she felt a chill down her spine'' or ''the chill'' like ''the chill in the winters''. So I think it sould be ''I felt a chill in my veins''. The lines are so touching and powerful. You've done an excellent job here. The poem is amazing! Keep up the good work! :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
This review was quite helpful. Thankyou so much :') This was much encouraging.
I felt the struggle and effort to put good face forward. Hard to do sometime. I like the way you used the word. "Disdain". Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote
Unfortunately the kindest people on Earth when suffering pain they hurt no one
But themselves
The world gives them lemons and they hurt themselves with that .... everyone else is fine including those who have hurt that person ..... and through pain and grief the kindest of humans think well at least everyone is happy ......
I know the feeling
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
But overtime, they learn to deal with what life gives them and stand up against it stronger than any.. read moreBut overtime, they learn to deal with what life gives them and stand up against it stronger than anyone. :)
A good poem expressing pain and frustration effectively. Good job! :)
Days of endless struggle,
Hopefully more pills today.
Trying best to appear 'normal',
In some sort of way.
The beginning is really powerful. It sets the mood for the poem nicely. Very well written. :)
Because my worst enemy is not life, but inside of me.
I completely agree with this truth. We are our greatest enemies. Beautifully written. :) However, we say ''inside us'' not ''inside of us''.
Messed up fishtail,
ruined mascara,
Laying my back against the old sofa,
I saw the darkness engulf me.
The imagery in these lines is so perfect. The girl is complete broken and these lines do a perfect job a expressing it. Well done! :)
I felt chill in my veins,
And my soul shouted, 'What a disdain.'
Generally, when we talk about chill, it's either ''a chill'' like ''she felt a chill down her spine'' or ''the chill'' like ''the chill in the winters''. So I think it sould be ''I felt a chill in my veins''. The lines are so touching and powerful. You've done an excellent job here. The poem is amazing! Keep up the good work! :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
This review was quite helpful. Thankyou so much :') This was much encouraging.
Sometimes we do our best to appear normal to others but sometimes we lose track of what normal actually is :) I know I have been there also... fighting everything to appear normal... appear as if there is nothing wrong but those who know us and those who see us still see right past what we hide. Good write :)
pensive writing. 'trying best to appear 'normal',
In some sort of way.
People complained I had a lot going for me,
I'm sorry, but I just can't see,
Because my worst enemy is not life, but inside of
me'.-love and can relative to that part. great job Nabeeha.