I Thought Wrong

I liked you. If I care to admit it, I still do. But, I'm not going to admit it. I'm not that clingy.

God...I was wondering when you'd catch on. You never did, and it took all of my willpower to finally admit it to you.

I kept giving you hints, didn't I? That day we just walked around together, talking about things...you held my hand. Most people wouldn't, but you did. I thought you liked me then.

I thought wrong.

It took everything in me to tell you how I felt. For me, it wasn't easy, telling you...especially when you were the same as me, and my best friend. I thought you'd understand, I really did. After all, I thought you liked me.

I thought wrong.

You didn't pull away when I touched you, unlike so many others. So, stupid me, I thought you liked it.

God, why did my stupid emotions have to betray me? Why did I have to tell you when I did? God...am I being punished? Some logical part of me told me to sit and wait it out, just wait to see if you liked me too. You acted like you did, so it isn't all my fault, is it? I'm not quick to place blame, but it isn't all my fault. At least, I keep telling myself that.

You scared me when we talked on the phone...after. Just, all quiet. That's the quietest you've ever been. You know the last thing I want to do is upset you, but it seems I've run off and done just that.

Some part of me keeps hanging onto a shred of hope that you could still like me, too. I mean, the way you acted around me...that's not how two people who are "just friends" act. And I wanted - want - so much more than "just friends." I thought you wanted that, too.

I thought wrong.

I wish I hadn't told you, looking back on it now. You said you're glad I did, but I'm not. Wouldn't it be easier if you didn't know and we could just keep on pretending?

Someday, I hope we can go back to the way things used to be, just two best friends hanging out together. One of us hiding under the false pretenses of heterosexuality, the other simply...hiding. Because that's what we do best. We hide.

I thought that maybe I should just forget you altogether, because wouldn't that be so much easier? I thought it would.

I thought wrong.

Author's Note

Just a short little piece I wrote to try my hand at something new.

Reviews

[Xia]

Like everyone else, I also think this is a great piece! :) Thanks for sharing it! For a moment, I thought it was a girl talking about a boy until I got to the "heterosexuality" part. The guilt of telling and the awkward presence between them now is definitely something I can relate to.

[Samuel Dickens]

Very good, Nita. Until the word "heterosexuality" came up and changed everything, I thought it sounded just like something that might have been written by one of my 17 year-old son's female friends. (She's so obviously nuts about him, but he refuses to see her as anything more than just a friend)

[Belator Books]

I cannot help wondering what this piece would look like if written from the second person. (or even third) Would is look better? I pray you try some pieces from different perspectives and you may find your depth as a writer increases mightily. Not a bad piece. Cheers.

[somethingelse]

Very nice. The ambiguity between the characters allows us as readers to fill in the rest from what we know in our own lives. Very succinct piece about hope and betrayal.

[Lia]

Very sad and emotional piece, really well written. Great piece x

[Lyndsay Castro]

It's been said already, but this is something that basically any person can relate to and empathize with. That is a powerful tool to have at your disposal. This is simply written but full of depth. It is a very touching subject, and you handle it maturely. Great job, as always! I can't wait to read more.
Lyndsay

[goldfishgirl]

This is wonderfully written and I think you handeled your subject with great sensitivity. You really captured the sense of liking someone so much and having to face the possibility of that person not liking you the wat you thought they did. I think everyone will be able to relate to this story in some way or another.

[iNSIDEmYsNAILsHELL]

this is a story that's easy to relate to no matter what your sexual prefrence is. i really had a sense of the struggle and emotion. great job.