22

It's been about 11 years since I first saw my mother drunk

11 years of having to care for her and being worried and scared and responsible

9 years since depression took over my father

9 years of being haunted by the images of him lying in bed for months as if dead

6 years since I first experienced depression and started to contemplate death

5 years of constant anxiety, afraid to leave the comfort of my room

4 years since my first panic attack, so I've had time to get used to them

3 years since I met you... my best friend and worst enemy

2 years we spent together, at first thinking you were flawless

1,5 years I spent being scared of you yet living for you, forgetting myself

It's been 1 year since I ended it, realizing I do matter

1 minute since I last asked myself why I deserve this and what I did wrong...

22 years in total, only remembering the worst of it all.

Reviews

[Harmony Lee]

I am 26 years old now. When I think of 22, I think of Taylor Swift's famous upbeat song and poetry despite my own experiences in reality which, in some ways, exist in opposition to that such excitement and moreso resonate with those which you have briefly described here. I am saddened by your descriptions and the word "unfair" comes to mind -- that you would be exposed to issues of such magnitude by caregivers at such young age. I am glad and grateful to see you express that you do matter. I believe so, too. My hope for you is that you will grow to be 26 and beyond, to have the opportunity to look back on a life you author for yourself with healing and more than the worst of it all. I wish you well.

[LasagnaCat]

It's very brave of you to share your pain so openly like this. I hope things get better for you. This also put together very well.