8:18 pm

 8:18 pm  

    I am so tired of the thoughts in my head. Every night around the same time i get this sad, depressed feeling that my life is pointless. That its going nowhere and i dont see the point in living. It's crazy because when i think about it, i have everything i could ask for, well family wise. 

    I have a mother and father who are still happily together, i am blessed with younger siblings that i love, and i live in a apartment that always have food and wifi. Now to me thats pretty big. I hate sounding ungrateful and spoiled like a bad bannana left on the kitchen table for days on end but i just wish i had more. More of a life that is. Just typing this alone is making me sigh. 

    Okay how about ill let you guys know a little bit more about me. My names Monica. I'm 18 years old and i still sleep on a bunkbed and share a little room with three of my younger sisters. My idea of fun is going on my instagram and stalking some beautiful girl whose body is like a living hourglass and whose eyeliner is winged out to the gods. I attend a community college and my gpa is currently a 3.6. You can say i'm a scholar, i mean its not like i got anything else to do. Might as well study and ace every paper i get. Physicalty wise im 5'4 and im beautiful. Yeah i'm beautiful. i heard it all my life how beautiful i am. But thats the funny part, i always wondered if i was so beautiful why in the world was i still SINGLE. It could be because im probably the  pickest person in the world or gusy just dont like me. Anyways im rambling. You guys are probably wondering why im so sad, things arent that bad, Right? Yeah maybe not upfront but inside my head my anxiety is towering over me like the dark shadow that towered over NYC on 9/11. It's so heavy that sometimes i just want to scream. My want for screaming gets so bad that it feels stifiling. I feel crazy for thinking like this. I always wondered when your crazy do you know your crazy and if so does that still make you crazy? Oh no that sad feeling is coming back, its right on time too. I guess i should call it a night. Not bad for my first post right. Stay tune this inturn my friends was just the introduction for my pathetic life.