Boys..... LOL

Teens of new age.....LOL

Boys

You are all just Toys

HEHE

Laugh all you can

Under the Knife....You are the hens

HAHA

Don't ya CRY

We know all ya do is PRY

or at least ya TRY

LOL

Dontcha you try to BOO

If ya do....Then go SHOOOO

LMAO

Or we'll use ya

Then go BA BYE

 

Author's Note

First try, Everyone, Criticize nicely and no offence to anyone!! LOL

Reviews

[Icelanna]

I kind of like it,...although as I was reading it , it turned into a song half way through. I picture this more as lyrics rather than a poem. More of a sort of rap than an emotive piece of writing, in my opnion. I think as lyrics it would be great but not as a poem, I agree with the lower comment of it being too modern, the abreviations of common terms isn't used in poetry, I understand your enthusiasm and that it came randomly to you but that doesn't mean it's a piece of writing with a meaning.
Oh and by the way, criticism isn't nice, that's why it is call criticism, and if you can't take constructive negative criticism then maybe writing isn't for you. Being an editor for younger people, I know that serious writers, especially authors, literary agents and publishers will rip you (not you personally meaning everyone as a whole) to pieces. I'm a serious critic, if you want an unbiased opinion on anything then i'm your girl but this, I will say I don't like, I don't think it's taken seriously.
Upload some of your stories you mentions on your "about" bit and maybe we can go from there. :] I'm not trying to be mean, just telling you how it is, people take it seriously on this site!
Love to you x

[Acer]

Being single is my "Attitude"

[s y e]

Im sorry, im am actually so confuzzled :S I dont get it....

[Frieda P]

I don't get it...what's the topic? Laughing or boys?

[KeeD]

I feel you can do much better, this isn't up to par.. trying focusing on a topic, something that inspires you perhaps a show and elaborate on it with words.. start out there. I got the idea behind the poem but the writing needs a lot of work.

[Joe]

Yeah Freshening LOL :)

[Ashley morgan]

lol

[junaid altaf]

well i have seen my friends suffer under the treachery of beautiful girls......
and u have given that misery words to wipe!!!
rustic.......

[Ashley morgan]

thanks :)

[Monster ^.^]

Nice. Didn't think of writing that way! Something new, huh?

[soliloquy]

I think this is original and fun!

[Ashley morgan]

hAha....thank you : )

[SmileBig :)]

Um...wtf? This isn't a poem. Ur reallly gonna use "LOL" in a poem? Or "LMAO" and seriously, this doesn't make any sense at all. I'm 17 too, guess what? I don't write poems about 'boys' and I don't use slang. Hmm. Maybe this is a new thing. I suggest writing something that is a little more age appropriate, and does not have slang of any sort. Have a nice day :)

[Ashley morgan]

everyone have their own choice of genre!! hehe and this is just what i came up with!! lol...and thank you for reviewing and take care : )