Entry #4

Mirror mirror

on the wall

please tell me why

I loathe myself

and every flaw...

 

          I see everything, but beauty. Every flaw stands out like flashing lights spelling out ‘error’. Every little spec draws my attention like a dog being thrown a bone. I’m on a leash latched to this insecurity that drags me into a state of mind like termites. It’s eating me away, until I have no confidence to produce and no self-esteem to harvest. I desire a release, but I know I can’t gain it by feeling sorry for myself. Though, I’m just simply not strong enough to take a chance. There will always be this fear latched to my back whispering...

 

“You are stuck this way”

           I am a breaking structure that is much too weak to stand against and prove that things can change. But, change has always resulted worsening me. So I’ve grown frightened of it. Though, change is constant and can’t be stopped, so I have no other will, but to flow with time and watch the days go by empty. Though, I’ve locked away my hope in a place where nothing can toy with it and nothing can burn it. When the time comes, I will pull the key from my skin and unlock my greatest treasure. Only until then, I need to trust myself to take every risk and courage to unlock it. In the depth of my heart, the deepest dive, it will lay there waiting. I have all the trust in time that the day will come where I fetch for it.  Change flows and one day I’ll be ready to flow with it and I’ll be happy with 0 regrets because that is the moment I waited for.

                When that time comes and someone tries to put me down and make it seem like a waste of time, I will pay no attention. I then, with all the courage and confidence I gained, will have enough stability to give no acknowledgement and move on. That’s why waiting is worth it. To finally experience a moment differently because you, yourself, have changed. To look at yourself and be proud, with no doubts and no wish list. The moment you are happy with yourself and once you’re happy with yourself, life gets better. Everything will change in the only two ways it goes… positive or negative. You pick your path, like how I’m driving for mine. Why sit in a haze of negativity when you can turn the other way and walk in a meadow of positivity? It’s all on you.

 

 

-Layla L-

Reviews

[Stephanie K.]

Wow! Great attention getting beginning. Truly beautiful word choice and voice. It slowed down towards the end, but overall the best piece I have read today.

[Layla L]

thank you!