Entry #2

It's hard. It's always going to be hard. Nothing really can ever be easy and not everyone can be cooperative. Every task is going to have some kind of personal downfall that infects your mind and makes you sit painfully alone. Only to  be left thinking about what it could be, how it could have been, what happened, and how did it get to here. And as the days go by and yesterdays are made, the pain can build. Betrayals of any kind or struggling tasks you're force to finish can do so much damage to ones stability and eventually break you down. Thus causing you to look for an outlet of escape of any kind, just to mask the pain... the sorrow tucked under our smile that we so unwilling have to wear just to get through the day. Under stress and sadness, certain impulses get the best of us and we do shameful things to ourselves. Soon after left with the scars to look at and remember what caused us to do such a thing. Though, those who live with it already know this, but there is a point to be made here. Life is cruel and life is hard. It's a cold fact we have no choice but to accept. Though, we can't always dwell on every sad moment or thought that comes to mind because there's too many to handle. Letting too much in is too dangerous. We have to distinguish what is worth the tears and time to dwell on. No matter what you're thinking, "everything is hard, everything is sad, I can't help it"...yes you can. There is no mercy anywhere and we don't have the guidance on how to deal with these emotions. Because of that, we have to become our own guide and flagman, and keep the traffic of thoughts rolling. And occasionally, yes, there will be an accident. So many emotions, you're distracted from your job and you lose control of traffic. What most of us want to do is give up because it's too much to handle. How can we clean this mess up? These broken memories, shattered hearts, and flammable situations? it's not easy, yes, but it isn't impossible. If we're tired of feeling this way than we can change it. No matter how long it takes, it will be worth it. Let a little less in, smile about the small things in life that even bring you the slightest enjoyment, and admire yourself for you are still reading this. Don't ever mask yourself with a smile, no mater on how people view you. If you want to cry, do it. If you want to be upset, all you. You are your own person and you have the only say on how to feel and live your life. Making yourself smile only hurts you more because you know nothing's really there. So don't feel like you have to or need to just to survive this bitter storm of darkness. You're not weak, you are strong and are capable of absolutely anything, especially changing this. Not saying you have to be a happier person or have to smile more and try to forget about everything, no. I'm saying you have to accept it for what it is, worry about the things that are worth worrying about, and smile when you want to. We don't need to left alone every night with our thoughts and sorrows and we definitely don't deserve to. Find the respect you owe yourself and don't give up because it's not worth it nor will it ever be. Stay strong and don't give up. 

Please. 

-Layla L-

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems