Entry 3 ~ "I am going to figure it out!"

8/1/19

Today is the first of August. It has officially been 3 weeks since I last talked to Angelo. Why do I bring this up, you ask? Because this is weird! I talk to Gina and Lupe almost every day. (Actually Lupe disappears out of nowhere every now and then so that is normal. She likes to be alone for a while.) Gina has been texting me the usual. She is depressed and single. Typical girl problems. Not that I can help from a thousand miles away but I do my best to cheer her up. But Angelo has been dodging my calls and not replying to my messages. I told him I was getting a guinea pig and needed a boy name and he just said, "Those things are rodents," and never replied since then! What kind of best friend is that?! I mean I guess it isn't a big deal till about 3 days ago he messages me after I called him a million times and said, "Sorry. Stuff has been going on and I don't want to deal with anything right now." This worried me because I he never cares that much about anything! It's so rare that he expresses when he is stressed out...generally because he doesn't get stressed out about anything and if something does bother him, he keeps it to himself and it all works out in the end! I have been calling him for 3 weeks and all I get is blunt texts. 

The last time I called him I was upset because he also ignored me the 3 weeks before 3 weeks ago! I had every right to be upset...until I thought that he probably was going through something. I feel selfish and regret yelling at him on the phone. That was the first intense argument we had. I was walking to the library and started to cry when we were done yelling and hung up. I told him I never wanted to talk to him again and 5 min later called him back and apologized. We fixed it but he still seemed more quiet than usual. We talked on the phone for about 2 hours and everything seemed back to normal. After we hung up I never heard from him since then. If he is going through something...I really want to help with all my heart. I don't want anyone to be alone when it comes to things like this. But I have no idea what he is so stressed out about!? His family? His job? Me? What is it?! Maybe it's his job. I mean last time we talked he also said he might get fired since he got into it with a customer. One thing about Angelo is his temper. Don't get me wrong he can hold his tongue and be silent for days at a time! But when you get him angry, it's like popping a balloon...sudden, loud, and unexpected. I told him that when I first met him, his temper was what I was afraid of. He wasn't easy to read but sometimes I caught a glimpse of who he was. I wasn't afraid of what he could do when he was mad but the feeling of getting on someones nerve, especially one I care about, it scares me to think I hurt them to the point where they get angry. I don't like seeing people angry. 

One time I told him that this "playboy" from my biology class told me something bad about him when he asked if we were more than friends. When we were walking to lunch Angelo saw him and went up to him when I turned around to grab something and when I looked around I saw him in the kids face and the whole football team on the kids sides ready to pounce! I ran up and pulled him back and apologized to the kid because I never expected him to do that! He was breathing hard and I was afraid he would swing over me or something to get the kid. Once we walked away to a private place I yelled at him because, once again, I hate being put in those situations! He knew that and still did it after I asked him not to! There are so many stories of him letting his temper get the best of him. Point is, he probably lost his temper with the people who fired him, maybe? I do not know. But I am going to figure it out!