#Flashback#

Retrospection of things I had done, and how things went bad in my relationship

Breakup Story - Flashback

I knew Esha since last 2 years, We have been working together in same firm. It was our first endeavor in professional life and we were glad that we found each other. Soon we became friends and with just a blink of an eye we were best friends. We used to hang out together. We used to visit places together. We used to go to movies and party together. We shared a bond where we were honest to each other. I told her about my past relationships and how I failed every time. She used to console me, and sometime used to crack jokes about it. Far from our family, we became each other companions. We used to had breakfast, lunch and dinner together. Time flew so fast with her..

..It was almost a year and half, When I decided that I should leave the job and start preparing for GRE exams. I had a vision that I wanna go abroad..study and live life there. She supported me with this thought..and then I took a month break from the job and returned back at my native place. As time passed, I started missing her. I din't knew what this feeling was. But, I could imagine her everywhere in my house. She was all around me, talking to me, sitting and eating with me..is this love ? I was confused !!

I failed in exam, and came back to Mumbai..and after few days..I Proposed her..!!

**Before proceeding further, I should tell you that I am from India and being in LOVE is treated as a crime here. Our families still support arrange marriages only, where elders decide that with whom their son and daughter will get marry.**

Being from a very small town, she was quite reluctant about this first. But eventually she said Yes !

She said Yes ! She said Yes ! 

I couldn't believe this, we just got 15 days to be together, since after that I was leaving city to switch my Job. It was for our future. I needed a stability in my career. But in these 15 days, we went to so many places. We had created a small little world. It was beautiful. I don't know if I could even express it all here in words..

Finally, It was the day when I had to leave..we decided that we'll continue long distance..and I'll visit her in every month or two..Even today when I close my eyes I can see her crying on railway station..

I came to New Delhi !!

For almost 4 months our relationship went very smooth. In between, I decided to try for GRE again. In this decision She was there with me. She motivated and supported me.. Till now, I had been to Mumbai twice. And in these two visits we had established physical relationship. I came back Delhi and started studying, I made up my schedule and started following it. The course was quite lengthy I could get no time to talk to her. I was too tensed. My professional life was not going well, I din't like my new job place. I had no friends, I had to study. I started getting irritated. Gradually, her pings/texts/calls started suffocating me. It was month of June, I went back to Mumbai. We met, had sex, and in the morning she asked "What are you thinking now ?", "Are you gonna marry me ?" "You hadn't proposed me for marriage yet"

I said, "Esha, So much is going on in my life. I'm very confused about everything." I told her everything that how irritating and suffocating I'm feeling these days.

She started crying.

Then, I said the worst thing. I said,"Before your family start searching groom for you just ask me once if I want to marry you. I can only tell then".

As the time flew, I forgot what I had said, and we continued talking and chatting. I appeared in exam and passed with good marks. I gave TOEFL thereafter and cleared that too. I was so happy. It was almost final now that I'll go abroad for my masters. I called her. She din't pick up. I tried again after some time. She din't pick up. I got worried. I called back in the evening. She din't pick up.. 

I told her my TOEFL score and said,"I love you so much Esha". She just said,"Congratulations."

Then, I came to know that she was just waiting for my exams to get over. So that she can broke up with me. She must have decided it long back. But must be waiting for my exams to get over. She knew how important those were for me.

I was shattered. I lost her. My dreams got so big that I lost the most important person of my life. Since then I had called her more then 100 times, had texted her so much. I said that I'm ready for commitment now. Lets get engage. I went Mumbai to meet her. She refused everything. She don't want me now. I have my scores with me. But Now, I'm so much disappointed that I no longer want to apply to universities..

I lost everything..My Love..My Motivation..My Companion..and My Best Friend !

Author's Note

Dear Reviewer,
I lost everything. Please help me.
-Author

Reviews

[Jonah Parker Ryan]

Really the only thing that can fix your situation is time. It is a really rough spot to be in, but it is often these times that you grow exponentially more as a person and learn more about yourself and who you are. I'm not one for believing that everything happens for a reason, mostly I think everything just happens and often times we look to hard to find a reason in that. That being said, in a situation like this the only thing that really matters is what you take away from it. Right now everything sucks and it's okay to take some time off to brood and mope, but at the end of the day the only person you are hurting by doing that is yourself. Eventually you have to get out and start living your life again and at that point you find out that it is much better to like life rather than hate it.

That being said, I'm assuming English is not your first language, is that correct? If not I really applaud you for writing in a language not nature to you. I noticed a few spelling and grammatical errors. Still as I am someone who speaks, writes, and reads only one language I am always impressed when people go above and beyond and learn a second or even third.

Sorry, I ramble sometimes. Best of Luck.

[M. L. Zane]

Sorry to be "that guy", but as you asked for an honest review. I have a reputation to uphold, and thus must give it. I'm going to apologize now as you will probably dislike my candor in this piece.

Though the subject matter is somewhat interesting, you definitely need an editor. I know an individual whose first language is not English when I see it, and you have numerous errors that make the piece somewhat difficult to read. This is a major detraction from what you're trying to say, and thus weakens your message.

Secondly, you need to slow down considerably in this work. Though the imagery is minimal (which is fine in diary style pieces like this), the action is so fast that it is difficult to follow. We don't even know what the girl looks like, and she is obviously precious to you. Without that detail, many readers simply will not relate to you. You need them to do that. You will need to rely on more than the emotional impact on yourself, as no one can ever truly know your world, your sympathies, or your pain. They can relate, but only you walk in your world.

Finally, the change in color on some of the text really doesn't add anything that italics couldn't also do. Changing color in text is a disservice to yourself, and many agents will outright refuse multicolored text (as strange and banal as that may be). I recommend switching to italics, or no special change at all.

Again, I apologize for being "that guy". However, you requested I read this, and I am always honest.

Regards,

-M. L. Zane

[My Favorite Writer !]

Dear Reader ! Thanks for such a candor review. Well, for starters..I ain't a writer. I'm here so that I may share my feelings with you all as it is this phase of extreme depression and disappointment from which I want to get over to. Though I completely agree with you in almost everything you recommended above, and will certainly work on these in my next piece. As far as the details are concerned, I purposely avoided them so that the article may not be a lengthy one to read. As it may cause boredom among the reader.
Please don't apologize for being "that guy"..you are honest !

Regards
Shubham

[M. L. Zane]

So, you're admitting to not be a writer, yet your profile says you are a writer on a site for writers? Fair enough.

[My Favorite Writer !]

Well in my land..all those who can write are writers..and all those reads are readers ! "Fair Enough" you miss the term "Fledgling" there !

[Dan Hiland]

Your piece reminds me of a young lady I was once engaged to. Our relationship had gotten very physical- and then she moved to another city. I proposed to her via the U.S. Mail. We thought- or at least I did- that the long-distance relationship would work. But while she was in that faraway city, love died a sudden and ugly death. And I didn't find out until I visited her at Christmas time, having driven 300 miles, loaded with presents and hope. "We have to talk", she said, then dropped the bomb on me. "I've found someone else." AAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!! That sucked so much!

But I survivved- after a serious amount of pain and suffering. Swore I'd never date again. Yeah, right...

By writing this down, you have disproved with the last line the belief that you have lost everything. During the time you were with her, you continued to progress and grow, academically.

And in the process of writing all of this down, you came to that crucial point- having sex with her and then revealing your true feelings. Then things started to fall apart.

With the passage of a few more days and weeks, you will start to feel better about what you have learned about your relationship with her. There is no quick fix for pain like this, but healing will come. Keep sharing your thoughts with us and try to write about something else. It will help take your mind off of yourself, knowing that you are helping someone else. Write about something you love- like music. And know that time and listening ears will help heal this.

[My Favorite Writer !]

Thanks Dan ! For supporting me through out. I wish I'll come out of it asap.