Confession of An Indian Man - After Breakup - Day-2

A tale of an Ordinary Indian Man after break-up..Will he ever gonna get out of it ? Or he'll die thinking about it.. - Parallel to my real life.

Break-up Story Day -2

Its wednesday, don't know when I fell asleep yesterday, all I can feel is it is still wet. I must have cried during my sleep (I though so), unknowing that I'm still crying. The moment I woke up, I checked for my phone. It was flashing 7 watsapp pings and 1 message. I knew that she won't ping me on watsapp as she had already blocked me on that. What I could only hope is that the message must be her. I with the hope I open my inbox. Damn You ! It was from Vodafone network service. I curse them to message me when I was hoping it from someone else. I checked my clock, It was 11 AM, and I was already late for my work. Phew ! things are not getting easy. Still I thought I should give my self 15 minute slab so that I may compose a morning message to Esha. And then I wrote- 

"Dear Esha, I know you love me and you know I love you too. I think about you all the time and You do it too. I'm ready for commitment now. Trust me. I'll talk to mine and your parents too. Have faith on me. I love you so much :("

I knew she won't reply and she din't. I took bath, got ready and went to work. On my way as per the routine I just thought about her, and what else I could say. I had a mini conversation in my mind with her about all those things which led us here, in this situation.

**Flash-Back** -

It was 23 Nov,2012, when we started dating together. We were best friends since last 2 years, and I thought life would surely be beautiful if this relation will be taken to the next level. It was her first relationship and it was 2nd for mine. I had failed in earlier relationship and she knew it very well. The most attractive thing about her was her simplicity. She was very honest and caring. Well, as I'm a Software Engineer, I needed a switch in my organization. So I switched my Job to New delhi on the other hand she chose to stay in Mumbai only. It was all very smooth and I was loving every bit of it.

**Present Day** -

With the honk of truck passing nearby, I came back to present day. She is very angry with me. After all what i had done. I know i deserve a scolding or may be some punishment. But she decided not to talk to me anymore and this is killing me literally. I don't know whom to share my feelings, as she was my Best friend as well as my companion. I've lost my life. My soul. My friend  and My love. I don't know when I'll get out of this pain.

It was almost 1 PM, I messaged her again - "Esha, You won't talk to me ever ?"

She din't replied back.

I tried calling her almost 4 times in lunch hours. She din't pick up. I started feeling low.

To deviate myself from this, I decided that I'll join some NGO and Dance Classes on weekends. So that I may put my mind in some creative thing. For few minutes or so I felt good thinking about my future programs, but then it all started again. Those memories..I wish i could go back in past and correct everything.

I messaged her again -

"Esha, I just keep on thinking what should I do that you'll come back. Seeing just your name in my contact list makes me feel good. Don't give me such a big punishment. I beg you :'("

I know I am becoming crazy about her, but just a feeling that she'll think about me when she'll receive my message (may be just for few seconds) makes me feel happy about it.

I tried calling her again. She dint pick up. I wrote her a mail then. I wrote her everything. I wrote her how sorry I am and how much I'm missing her every moment. I said I'll die or do suicide.

She replied back.

"I'm not picking up your call or texting you back because you are not ready to accept me as a friend now. I can't accept anything more now. It was my first relationship, and I had hurt myself very deeply. I'm also trying to get over it, try harder..I know its next to impossible but you'll get over".

I came back home thinking about her. I replied back begging her to give me one last chance. But she din't replied back. I tried calling too. But she din't picked or texted me back. I'm home now. It is all same. Back to my couch. I decided to just think about her and sleep. But these tears, I'm not able to control them. They keep on flowing.

I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to be happy anymore. What I know is just to think about her. I can feel the pain in my chest...and I fell asleep.

Author's Note

Dear Reviewer,
Please suggest me how to come out of it. I'm heart broken.
-Author

Reviews

[Alene Parr]

One of my best friends is going through a break up right now and half the time when I'm comforting her I feel like I'm saying all the wrong things. The fact is, it's hard for anyone to say anything that make you feel better right now. Writing your feelings down is a great start. I always find it's the best thing I can do when I'm upset. Sometimes I don't even write coherently, I just ramble and usually it makes no sense. But it always makes me feel better. I'm sure you feel the same. I'm not brave enough to release my deeper feelings to the public, though, so I have a lot of respect for you. It's a hard thing to do, but I think you've started on a path that will eventually bring you to a much better place. It's certainly not easy and it will feel like it takes forever, but you'll be okay.

[Dan Hiland]

Alene:

Thanks for encouraging this fellow. He needs support in more ways than one, and I agree with you that he should write some of this out. I like the way he expresses himself when he allows himself to actually describe what he is going through. I hope he keeps writing.

[My Favorite Writer !]

Thanks for reviewing this Alene ! I'll keep on writing, because I literally don't anyone nearby with whom I can share this all. I'm far away from the girl I loved both mentally and physically. Your encouragement is highly appreciated !

[Praveeta]

It is a difficult phase but is only temporary. Believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe, your relationship was destined only for a brief period to learn from each other.

Ask God for guidance, peace and comfort.
Devote time to all activities that you enjoy the most. This will make you happy from within and give you peace.
Surround yourself with positive people.

Happy penning!

[My Favorite Writer !]

Thanks Praveeta for reading and sharing valuable thoughts ! I wish i'll get over it soon. :(

[Praveeta]

You are welcome.

[Light]

Nice presentation. This is a unique style.

Being heartbroken and at the same time guilt are felt by the speaker. We can't deny the truth that all the pains rooted from his own mistake. You are suffering for 2 days only. It's not yet suffering as compared to others' burden. You must have more patience if you want to show how true you are for your love. Suicide is never a good solution. Life is beautiful and full of choices. If I, or you, or anybody is crying today, it doesn't mean we would cry the whole life through.

Again, be patient. If you need to court her for months or years, do it.
That's all I can say. Best wishes for you.

This is well-penned. Great!

[My Favorite Writer !]

Thanks Reine ! Yes, I'm heartbroken as well filled with guilt. Its just Day-2 of my writing but in real its been almost 25 days since we ain't talking. I tried almost everything. I went to Mumbai as well, thought when she'll see me she'll forget all ill feelings. But that dint happened and I return back Crying. I'll surely write about the reasons of her break up today.

[Dan Hiland]

Now you're getting somewhere!
To write about the present, and then go to a flashback- perfect!
Do this some more. Write about your feelings and then go back to an earlier time with her- then the present- then another event from your past with her.
Some would say that you should not do this because you will wallow even more in misery, but this may also help you to work through your grief. You have to accept the fact that she may not be the one for you- that The One is still out there, and this is how you get to her, by going through this momentary hell.
Maybe you write a story about a man going through what you are suffering, and describe how he finds his way back to happiness. Maybe a troublesome angel appears and starts giving him a hard time. Maybe he meets a stranger that helps him see the way forward. Who knows...
Regardless, I am so glad to see that you have written again. Now you need to write more. That is what writers do- and sometimes it takes suffering to get you moving forward- to get the best out of your mind and heart, so it can show up on paper for others to read.
Thanks for sharing. I am most anxious to read your next chapter!

[My Favorite Writer !]

Thanks for reading Dan ! It was just the motivation you gave me..that I thought of writing more about this..I'll surely use your recommendations you mentioned above. I don't what may happen tomorrow. But, One thing is for sure. I'll write about it.

[Dan Hiland]

Awesome! You'll do great!