The Night I Inhaled

I sat on the balcony of my apartment in the red, overpriced lawn chair that my roomates bought.  Quickly I pulled my lavendar and white blanket over my lower body to shield me from the bitter cold of the night.  With my phone, lighter, and Djarum Black's in hand I settled into the chair and looked down at the blurred intersection of the streets below.  I had left my glasses inside, but I didn't care.  I wasn't out here to observe.  I was out here to fade into the darkness.

 

After a few hesitant seconds I pulled a cigarette out of the pack and began to light up.  Tonight, I had decided, would be the night I inhaled.  I had smoked cigarettes on occasion (usually when drinking) since I was about sixteen, but I never inhaled.  I never wanted to feel the smoke inside me, but on this particular night I needed to feel something.

 

I took the first drag, careful not to take in too much of the nicotine.  The smoke slowly crept down my throat and into my lungs.  I was surprised to find that it felt both odd and natural.  Not sure what to think about the feeling, I quickly exhaled and carefully watched the smoke leave my body.

 

The people in the bar across the street were singing karaoke and I felt left out for a brief second.  I took another drag and the feelings of being outcast were replaced with an eery calm.  Something had shifted inside me.  I took another drag.  I let the smoke in.

Author's Note

Does this come off as pretentious? Should I just stick to comedy?

Reviews

[Jamie]

I like this. Ending is good, the beginning could be better. What's going on in the apartment? Why did you need to come outside for a cigarette? You can tell you're out there to forget about something, but I feel like it's a little too vague. A little more detail and it would be more relateable and universal.

Watch out for sexual language/metaphors, unless you mean for them to be there. For example: "Tonight, I had decided, would be the night I inhaled. I had smoked cigarettes on occasion (usually when drinking) since I was about sixteen, but I never inhaled. I never wanted to feel the smoke inside me, but on this particular night I needed to feel something." The whole letting smoke inside you could come off as sexual, but the story isn't developed enough to justify the undertones.

Also, watch repetition of the same words. Maybe find another word for inhale, like "breathe in, suck down," etc. If you are going for sexual metaphors, you could use something like "I suck hard, feeling the smoke in my lungs." Make it dirty. LOL

But overall, back to your original question, it's totes not pretentious. I really like it. There's good imagery, and you can feel that there is some kind of universal feeling behind it...I think you should develop that more.

heartz&s**t
J

[Cassandra]

no it doesn't come off pretentious. A bit unbelievable but ok.. I can see how one doesn't inhale i suppose.. I thought this was a good descriptive account.. and D'jarums .. as your first smoke to inhale...is quite a thick and fragrant smoke...a bit too much i would think but it is tasty. I like the ending of this " I took another drag and the feelings of being outcast were replaced with an eery calm. Something had shifted inside me. I took another drag. I let the smoke in. " .. it does feel that way.. when something has been foreign and then you've broken that barrier. Felt that way the first time i smoked .. which was pot.. but .. still felt that eerie calm.. that small fright at letting something seemingly harmful inside.. nice short story. Title caught my eye.