#36 Bears Be Gone

by Rhi. on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:07 pm

sry christy we were writing at the same time. . . i tried to change mine to fit better. . .

so its just christy and damian that are gone? ok soooo after a bit flies are beginning to buzz. . .
Keith- they’re everywhere! *swatting the air and somehow ends up knocking himself in the head* ow!
Me- *trying not to laugh* are you ok?
Keith- yeah. . .
Ryan walks by and begins walking out the front door
Me- where do you think youre going?
Ryan- over to pagan’s. . . why?
Keith- don’t you know about the bears?! And how did you get untied?!
Ryan- doesn’t matter, I’ll see you all later! *waves his hand and leaves*
Me-wait ryan don’t-! *door closes* what about the bears?!
Keith-hopefully he has his light stick. . .
Me- *sigh* ironically I’m hungry!
I head to the kitchen and paul is in there gathering up all of the honey
Me- paul what are you doing?
Paul- I am gonna give those bears what they want! Honey!
Me-paul? How many times have you seen Winnie the Pooh?
Pasul- its my fav movie!
Me- yeah well I just wanted to let you know that Pooh is a made up bearthat likes honey, real bears like berries and meat. . . honey isn’t on the top of their list and-
Paul- Pooh is too real! He is he is he is! *runs out of kitchen w/his honey jars, george walks by*
George- who, what did you say to him?
Me- I told him Winnie the Pooh is a fake bear
George- you did what?! How could you do that to him?!
Me- I didn’t know. . . .

 

by pagan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:17 pm

Paul believing in Pooh
Paul runs out the door: Pooh oh Pooh where are you? I've got some hhhh ohhhhhh s***" Runs back into the cabin.
"Why didn't you tell me there were real bears out there?"
Rhi: I did you fool you wouldn't listen."
Paul" Well use your Bear Be Gone."
Rhi: I can't. I used it all up on our first adventure."
Paul" Oh man. I am going to call Pagan to see when the DNR is coming."
Now at Pagan's cabin she hears a commotion outside and looks out the window to investigate. She sees Ryan tangled up in tin cans on her front porch. She opens the door and goes out.
"here, let me help you," she says.
"Why did you put the cans like that?" he asked.
"To warn me off intruders. How did you get untied,"she asks.
"I did my Houdini act," he replies. He helps her fix the tin can alarm.
Her phone rings.
Paul" When did the those people say they were coming"
Pagan: They said they had a lot of things to check out.
Paul: Please call them again. They ate Pooh"
Pagan calls the DNR and explains the situation.She and Ryan settle down on the couch to watch a Star Wars movie.

 

by celticsusan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:25 pm

Can y'all give me about 10 minutes before anybody else posts?

 

by teenangel on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:25 pm

ok, I almost posted something, but it was very small...you're better than me

 

by Rhi. on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:35 pm

So now some of us are sitting along a wall under a window. . . .
Me- I never washed the honey off of my feet. . .
Chloe- eww . . . that’s gro- keith what are you doing?
Keith- *sucking on thumb* what?
Me- you suck your thumb
Keith- yeah when- *busts of laughter, he yells over us* when I have maple syrup causing it to stick to everything all over it!
Us- oh. . . we thought-
Keith- yeah I know what you thought.
Jen- are they still out there?
Kerry- *cranes neck to look out window* yup.
Angel- what do they want?!
Me- food
Angel- why cant we just give them some?
Keith- haven’t you seen the “don’t feed the bears” sighs everywhere? *he has moved to his index finger*
Angel- oh that’s right. . .
*crash! A widow breaks and in crashes. . . . .paul!*
Us- *screaming* what in the world? Paul?! What are you doing?!
Paul- *sprinting past us* the bear is after me!!!!!!

 

by Rhi. on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:36 pm

oh! i'm sry Susan i didnt see your post!!!! i'm sry!!!!!

ignore the last post i made

 

by celticsusan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:45 pm

I can't resist this opportunity!

Here goes:

Ok, the bears are everywhere. The DNR has been called, but is obviously not taking the call TOO seriously! Or are they? The next thing Pagan hears is a SCRE-E-ECH of tires upon the gravel as a BIG truck comes into view. DNR- we take care of your BEARS, SERIOUSLY is blazoned on the side of the truck. "As if someone would take bears what UN-seriously" wonders Pagan. "I understand you've got bears out here", says Susan as she slinks out of the passenger side door of the truck. "Where?" "I don't see any bears". she murmurs. About this time she sees Paul come tearing up the trail (road?) with one of the bears on his tail. "HELPPP!" he yells. "The Pooh is after me!!!! I thought "they" are him, but he's Bacccck!" Pagan and Ryan both start yelling "Run faster, Paul! Faster! Faster!"
"Aren't you going to help him?" screams Pagan? "Help who"? asks Susan. "Paul, you idiot!!! He's the one being chased by the bear!" "Oh, yeah, I guess so. Gee, I mean yeah, after all that is sorta my job, I guess", admits Susan. "But I'm not really dressed for chasing bears or rescuing a dummy (sorry Paul!) who thinks it's name is Pooh", I mean after all, WHO names a wild bear that's chasing your a--!" says Susan. About this time this drop-dead gorgeous guy comes barrelling out of the driver's side of the truck. Black hair, whitest teeth and the bluest eyes you've ever seen! (Not to mention a really great...nope not gonna there! Get where this one is going???) "Hi, I'm Kiernan", says this miracle of manliness. "This is my..ahem! assistant, Susan". (gives the impression that she is not the brightest bulb in the package). "You say you've got a bear problem here?" Kiernan asks Rhi. "What do you think is chasing Paul around and around that tree?" asks Rhi. "Oh, that. That's a BEAR!" answers Susan. (Well, duh...) "Let me get a net and we'll try and trap that thing"replies Kiernan. "YOU get a net and YOU try and trap that, that, that THING!" yells Susan. "As I said I'M NOT DRESSED for all this running around!" It suddenly dawns on everyone that Susan is not wearing a uniform as Kiernan is. She's wearing of all things a skirt and sweater and heels. "I'll help you catch that thing!" offers Ryan. "Oh, NO you don't", says Pagan grabbing him by the arm and yanking him back close to her. "Somebody HELLLLPPPPP me!!!!!" Paul is still being chased around the same tree and now there are three bears after him!

 

by celticsusan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:46 pm

teenangel wrote:ok, I almost posted something, but it was very small...you're better than me

Hon, don't ever think that! We're all in this insanity together!!!!

 

by celticsusan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:47 pm

Rhi. wrote:oh! i'm sry Susan i didnt see your post!!!! i'm sry!!!!!

ignore the last post i made

Nah, Rhi, I'm sorry it takes me so long to post. Brain drain, ya know!

 

by teenangel on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:49 pm

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!! You were the exterminator too weren't you Susan?

 

by Rhi. on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:52 pm

i'min stitches that was helariouse!

 

by Rhi. on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:53 pm

celticsusan wrote:

Rhi. wrote:oh! i'm sry Susan i didnt see your post!!!! i'm sry!!!!!

ignore the last post i made

Nah, Rhi, I'm sorry it takes me so long to post. Brain drain, ya know!

ya know we kinda thought alike. . . we both had paul being chased by a bear. . . lol!!!! you know what they say! great minds think alike!

 

by celticsusan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:55 pm

Thanks! I haven't even read it all again yet to nit pick it. I was a Journalism major and I can't stand it when I make typos. I've also forgotten how to spell! talk Old age is ----.

 

by celticsusan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:56 pm

Rhi. wrote:

celticsusan wrote:

Rhi. wrote:oh! i'm sry Susan i didnt see your post!!!! i'm sry!!!!!

ignore the last post i made

Nah, Rhi, I'm sorry it takes me so long to post. Brain drain, ya know!

ya know we kinda thought alike. . . we both had paul being chased by a bear. . . lol!!!! you know what they say! great minds think alike!

 

by celticsusan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:58 pm

teenangel wrote:OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!! You were the exterminator too weren't you Susan?

Yep. Guess I just changed "jobs"! (probably not good at either one of 'em to be honest)

 

by teenangel on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:59 pm

well you got rid of the cockroaches!

 

by Rhi. on Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:59 pm

celticsusan wrote:Thanks! I haven't even read it all again yet to nit pick it. I was a Journalism major and I can't stand it when I make typos. I've also forgotten how to spell! talk Old age is ----.

i think in my whole school currier i only got a max of 5 100% on spelling tests!!!! then highschool came. . . and we could use computers 4 everything!!!!

 

by Rhi. on Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:00 pm

teenangel wrote:well you got rid of the cockroaches!

lol i forgot about them. . .hmmmmm. . . .

 

by teenangel on Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:01 pm

uh oh, me and my big mouth

 

by Rhi. on Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:02 pm

 

by celticsusan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:02 pm

Bet Keith hasn't!!!!

 

by Rhi. on Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:04 pm

lol probably not!

 

by teenangel on Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:09 pm

ok. so now that there are no bears, we go back to the cabin and clean everything up promising not to play any pranks until 9 am (Central Standard Time) so I will be awake for them....he he he...that means NO COCKROACHES RHI!!!!!!!!

Everyone takes a shower, washes their clothes and cleans their own rooms, all of us do the living room, kitchen, etc.

 

by teenangel on Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:11 pm

whoops...I may need to fix that, did the bears get taken away or weren't we there yet?

 

by irishgal on Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:12 pm

christyboo wrote:Are you kidding me???? You don't know what Publix is? It's a grocery store that is all over the country!

I never heard of Publix b4 I moved to S.Carolina. I think it's mainly in the south, originated in Florida. Great bakery though

 

by Rhi. on Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:12 pm

So eventually Kiernan goes after the bears and Susan make googly eyes at Ryan who begins to get really uncomfortable. . . while Kiernan is trying to net one of the bears Paul races up a tree but a bear follows him up. . .
Paul- HELP! Someone help!!!!!
Kiernan shoots a net at the bear but misses and gets Paul instead
Paul- AHH! *falls off of the tree* ow!!!
Me- Paul are you ok?!
Paul- I cant move my feet! I cant move my feet! I’m paralyzed!!!!!!
Keith- dude your feet are tangled in the net!
Paul- oh. . . HELP!!!!!

 

by Rhi. on Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:14 pm

dang it! i did it again! sry Angel!!!!

ignore last post! (again)

 

by teenangel on Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:14 pm

That's funny

I'm leaving now...see ya in the morning! I'm going to finish watching Anne of Green Gable the Continuing Story then maybe have to play with the dog who won't stop whinning because none of us want to play with her....bye!

 

by Rhi. on Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:24 pm

so after everything is clean we decide to BBQ some steaks, hot dogs and veggies. So while George and Ryan are keeping an eye on the food the rest of us are sitting on the deck playing cards and just chatting. . . poor Paul is still a little frazzled about the bear thing so he is sitting just inside of the door w/ a can of hairspray and a few matches. . . he thinks that he will make a torch and burn any bear that comes near him. . . after a bit the bugs begin to come. . . a huge moth flies by and a few seconds later I hear a WHOOSH and AHH ****!!! We all turn to see Paul missing an eyebrow (am I missing an eyebrow????? Mythbusters anyone????) and a big moth flying behind him. . .

 

by celticsusan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:11 pm

Rhi, is it time for me to put back on my "exterminator's" hat????? I could go back & forth from one job to the next!

 

by celticsusan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:31 pm

Ok, the girls are all sitting around playing "Hearts". (If I can remember how to play!) Pagan gets the notion to start betting on the game. Rhi advises her that with all the "bad luck" they've all had, maybe better not. Paul is hanging his head repeating to himself "How could I be so dumb? (again, no harm meant Paul!) I know you're not supposed to run from bears". "But what can you do when they're practically chewing off your trousers?" "Yeah," says Keith you're supposed to drop and play dead or somethin' like that". "Play dead when that terrible brute is chasing you and wanting you for yesterday's lunch?" screams Paul. "I'd like to see YOU play dead when that thing was chasin' you, and breathing on you and Oh, it was just horrible!' informs Paul. "Is anybody hungry?" asks Ryan. "Food's nearly ready". "Good thing I brought that cookbook thingy with me". Everybody sits down to eat except Paul, who is still pouting and holding up his arsenal of hairspray and matches. "I'm bear watching". he tells the others. "Fine by me, that just means more for everybody else", Ryan tells him. Pagan whispers "Just don't tell him we have jelly beans for dessert". At this Paul's ears prick up. "Did somebody say jelly beans?" "You've got jelly beans???? Ooooh, jelly beans!", why didn't somebody tell me? "Cause we knew you'd react just like this, you fool!" answered Keith. "Actually we're just kidding, Paul, we don't really have any jelly beans." admits Pagan very ashamedly. "Now you've done it, Pagan", says Ryan as Paul renews his pouting act. (I say act, because we all know Paul really doesn't pout!) A huge mosquito buzzes by Keith. "Give me that stuff you've got, Paul and hurry!" yells Keith. "Ohhhh, noooo, he WOULDN'T" says Ryan grabbing Pagan and dropping all the food on his plate and running as fast as they can. "Keith, you know better than to.........OH MY GOD...don't do that!" screams Rhi running in the same direction as Pagan and Ryan. Paul who is still in his "oh, man, I don't get any jelly beans" daze absently hands the can of hairspray and the matches to Keith. Keith light the matches... holds the hairspray up...and all of a sudden...

"Oh, where did that good looking DNA chick go to?" Ryan asks Pagan when they've made sure they're well out of harm's (in this instance Keith's) way. "Only YOU would be thinking about another girl when Keith & Paul are about to go up in flames!" scorns Pagan..."Well, you know..." Ryan is sheepish...

 

by pagan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:07 pm

Pagan grabs Ryan by the ear.
"owowowow" he howls. "What did I do now? owowowow"
Pagan drags him away while he yells "owowowow.
Finally they get to the lake. They go out on the pier. She plants her foot on his behind and pushes hard. He falls in and she stomps away. He climbs out dripping wet.
Ryan: Aw man. Next time I'll keep my trap shut. I forgot how sensitive she is."
Back at the cabin Pagan grabs a fly swatter and swats hard.
"ow what did you do that for?" demands Keith.
Pagan swats hard again.
"ow what did I do?" demands Paul.
"You are both hopeless nincompoops with your dumb pranks. First Pooh and now The Mist type bugs," she growls.
"That's it. I am going home. I've had enough of this nonsense. First some fool gets us lost, then another one leads us down the garden path and gets a stranded on an island. Now THIS. Whatever happened to a nice peaceful quite and FUN vacation?" she stomps off in the direction of her cabin.
Susan comes up and Pagan grabs her by the hair. "Lady if I catch you going near Ryan or even thinking about it you are Mothra food. Now put your uniform before I file a complaint with DNR against you for being unprofessional." Pagan storms into her cabin and slams the door. Ryan comes by dripping wet and brushes past Susan.
"Awww honey," he says to Pagan.
"Wrong word with the bear trouble we've had," she storms throwing her clothes into her suitcase.
He gets down on one knee. "Pagan I know we haven't been together very long. But it's been long enough to know you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Will you marry me?" he asks. (For the purposes of these things I am a sweet sexy svelte young thing of 25".
"OMG! Yes, yes and yes" she cries. "But no islands for our honeymoon, no boats, no planes, and no cabins in the woods, promise?"
"Promise," he says. " How about a cabana by the beach?"
"You're on. Now get out of those wet clothes before you get sick again," she says.
"Ahh you sound like a wife already," he smiles and goes to do just that.
Just then the others come up, yelling like banshees and banging on the door. "let us in,"they yell.
Pagan snaps back"Not until you are rid of those bugs. Besides, Ryan and I are busy."
Paul"Please Pagan. No more bears etc al."
Pagan snorts.
Ryan comes into the room humming the wedding song. "what' going on?" he asks.
"Oh they all want in to get away from the bugs. I've told them no cos I don't want those creatures in here," she replies.
Ryan picks up the phone and calls the exterminator. "They'll be here soon. In the mean time lets at least give them some bug spray and repellant."
Pagan pushes both out thru a slot in the door. "Holy cow! Will ya look at the size of that mosquito? It just carried off Paul"

To be continued........

 

by celticsusan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:59 pm

Everybody is so grateful that Pagan is pushing out bug spray for all of them. In view of the size of the mosquito that has flown off with Paul, it does seem that more stringent measures are required.All of a sudden all of the bugs outside begin to grow larger. They are all growing extra sets of appendages from the frontl of their heads. Everyone outside begins to scream Ryan, Pagan you wouldn't believe this! These things are turning into monsters", they're everywhere! We can't control them. They're all coming after us. Please let us in...this bug spray isn't working, in fact it's making them more ticked off." Pagan starts to hear a sound like "TROMP TROMP TROMP TROMP,. WE'RE GONNA CHOMP,CHOMP, CHOMP,CHOMP" punctuated by cries of Open these darn doors now! Pagan, Ryan we're all going to
be carried off just like Paul was. There is no hope for us! Keith begins to yell,'If you don't open this d--- door I'm gonna bust it down". Why won't you open the doors for us Ryan and Pagan????" (Ryan and Pagan don't hear all the others yelling, they're too busy making eyes at each other) The whole world outside could just crumble and they'd never knnow what hit them. Suddenly to the rescue!!! the DNR truck appears out of nowhere and this time there is something in a cage on the back of the truck It is Paul with a huge moth seemingly attached to his back. He can't move or utter a sound. The moth flits his wings ever so slightly. Just enough to let Paul know that it is still in there with him and not likely to go. Kiernan hops out from the drivers side of the truck and goes over to the cage where Paul and the moth seem to be talking. "I promise I won't do that if you'll just let me go," says Paul to the moth. "But you've already done it twice and have no remorse about it at all", replied the winged creature. "Don't you think I know the consequences of my actions if that happens again?" says Paul. "Alright, I'll let you go under one
condition....you must never tell anyone, and I mean anyone where I took you or what happened to you...now do you promise???" "Paul falls over in the cage on his face and pledges he'll never let this horrible secret out. Then all of a sudden the bars of the cage are gone...completely disappeared. '"Did you see that he asked Keith who was sauntering up to the back of the truck. "See what?" said Keith. "That big moth thing that had all those extra thingies in the top of his head." explains Paul. About this time the other side of the truck opens and once again Susan slides out onto the road dressed for anythin but work...

 

by pagan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 10:16 pm

And Paul just naturally can't resist Susan's charms. Keith rushes to her, too.
Paul" Get out of here boy. This is a job for a MAN!"
"who let himself think he got carried away by a giant moth and that there was really a bear named Pooh" Keith retorts.
Kiernan bellows: "Susan go get that uniform on or you are fired. We are not here to go flirt with the customers."
Just then Damian comes up. George claps his hand over Damian's eyes. "not a sight for you my boy," he says.
"Oh man, I NEVER get in on the good stuff," Damian complains. Meanwhile Keith and Paul are slugging it out. Susan grabs the waterhose, aims it at them and douses them with cold water. They tackle her and soon there is a mudfight going on.
All of a sudden there is the sound of a siren. A cop pulls up and arrests all three.
"Now maybe we'll get some peace and quiet around here, " Pagan says rubbing her hands together.
" I doubt it.Why don't we just get in the car and drive?" suggests Ryan.
Rhi comes up with the others right behind."Hey where is everyone?"
George explains the situation while Pagan and Ryan emerge with their suitcases.
"Hey " Christy asks, " where are you two going?"
"Off to get some peace and quiet," Pagan answers. She and Ryan get into their SUV and take off.
Meanwhile at the police station.......

 

by pagan on Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:07 pm

Kiernan said "Way to go Susan. I keep telling you to wear a uniform and not a bikini. But do you listen? Nooo."
Susan"But boss someone else called the cops."
Kiernan" Cos the people who owned the cabin wanted a little peace and quiet. Besides, that is no way for a wife to act."
Susan"Exwife buster and don't you forget it."
Meanwhile Rhi etc al have shown up with Keith and Paul's bail.
"Hey what about us?" asks Kiernan.
"Only here for these two who have a LOT of explaining to do," Rhi answered.
She grabs Keith by the ear "owowowow," he yells.
Pat grabs Paul by the ear "owowowow," he yells.
The two go off meekly.
Back at the cabin everyone is packed and ready to leave.
"hey" Karen says, "where to now?"
"Anywhere but woods and islands" says Christy.
They all get into their SUVs and drive off.

Time for a new story my dear friends please.

 

by CVaughn on Tue Jul 29, 2008 5:43 am

I really enjoy these stories, even though the authors are increasing and it's harder to catch up every day. I like making up stories. I used to write a lot of stories when I was younger. I have dreamed up a lot of stories since since crossing paths with CT. I guess a person projects a lot of your own personality and disposition into creative thing that you compose, whether it be a story, song, poem, whatever. Anyway, the things that I make up or imagine or create are usually serious stories, and sometimes sad. It is not that I am morbid or wierd or anything, and don't worry, I never kill off the main characters. I just use things that sometimes happen in real life situations and apply them . For instance I made up a story about how the guys say so long at the end of their CT contracts . Of course, we never want that to happen, but know that it may. Oh, well enough of this. Can't wait to read the next story here.

 

by christyboo on Tue Jul 29, 2008 5:57 am

Has Sharon left yet?

 

by teenangel on Tue Jul 29, 2008 6:01 am

I think she kinda just disappeared....maybe we should go to California to a private beach resort thing

 

 

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