Suicide Tsunami Volume Two: 14 Poems: Guilt & Suffering Endured By Those You Leave Behind

Title says it all: Suicide Tsunami: Vol One: 13 Poems: Guilt & Suffering Endured By Those You Leave Behind ... Suicide is an irreversible mistake

Suicide Tsunami

Written By Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

Copyright © 2024 Marvin Thomas Cox

DBA: Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

All Rights Reserved

Volume Two: 14 Poems:

Guilt & Suffering Endured By Those You Leave Behind

This work represents a compilation of poetry

based upon the muse and inspiration

of, all too tragic, true life events.

For Melanie and Mel

May they truly rest in peace

Suicide Tsunami

“There no greater anguish, any human being can suffer,

than being, helplessly, swept away, by a Suicide Tsunami,

of losing someone, they loved dearly, to that irreversible act,

of taking their own lives.” �" Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

Page 2

Suicide Tsunami: Volume Two

Table Of Contents

I'll Find You There …...3

Hung At Birth …...4

A Sadder Day In Roby …...5

When …...6

Where Are You Hope? …...7

When Hope Turns Into Bitter Tears …...8

How Long Will It Take …...9

All Those Tomorrows That Will Never Come True …...10

Strength I Pray …...11

Love's Finest Oath …...12

Dark Times …...13

I Had A Dream …...14

As Eight Meets Nine …...15

Insanity Rules The Broken Heart …...16

Author's Note of Disclaimer …...17

Page 3

I'll Find You There

In deepest darkest of night,

In total absence of light,

In midst of fear and fright,

I'll find you there.

In torrential blinding rain,

In most agonizing pain,

In confession of me to blame

I'll find you there.

In sorrows desperation sore

Your touch not felt anymore

Sadness abounding galore,

I'll find you there.

You've left me but not gone,

I'll be with you before long,

Together will be our song

I'll find you there.

Your death cannot separate,

Our hearts are bound by fate,

Side by side to be our date,

I'll find you there.

Though we could not marry,

I'll come for you not tarry

Be most vigilant and wary,

I'll find you there.

When at long last we kiss,

'Twill be the sweetest of bliss,

Death you will not miss,

I'll find you there.

(Written December 2^nd, 2012)

Page 4

Hung At Birth

Life so often more cruel than fair,

dealt her a bad hand from day one,

a game played from deck's bottom,

lost without chance of being won,

like a zombie going to her closet,

as in a play reenacting her birth,

gently putting the noose in place,

history repeating itself in mirth,

born choking on her mother's cord,

reliving the past in dying again,

lost forever to all who loved her,

such a sweet girl and dear friend,

her life ending in a cruel moment,

ours to never be the same again.

(Written November 16^th, 2012)

Page 5

A Sadder Day In Roby

It will be a sadder day in Roby,

as I come to say hi and goodbye,

you dead and gone a year lonely,

leaving me to wonder as to why,

what on earth were you thinking,

forsaking all of those who cared,

though you were sadly drinking,

clueless to the pain they'd wear,

your dad's heart will never heal,

your brother is right behind you,

still loving you is all that I feel,

in living my days alone and blue,

loving a girl so dead and gone,

within this prison of my heart,

tears of sadness my only song,

to a memory that'll not depart,

your eyes ever before my face,

like it was only just yesterday,

a bad decision made in haste,

in choosing poorly to go away,

countless are the tears I've shed,

since that night I saw you last,

wishing it was I who was dead,

and not you my pretty Irish lass ...

O' I long to see your face again,

but you are never coming back,

my heart it will never ever mend,

all my days are filled with black,

I promised I'd love you forever,

it's such an easy promise to keep,

will I forget you soon no never,

even as I lie in my grave to sleep,

for even the grave has no power,

to conquer my sweet love for you,

your memory blooms as a flower,

for an eternity I will love you true ...

(Written September 26^th, 2013)

Page 6

When

When I think of you,

I think of good times,

Not these sad times,

With you gone.

I remember laughter,

A time without tears,

When you were here,

Here, with me.

(Written November 18^th, 2012)

Page 7

Where Are You Hope?

Where are you hope?

Hope has left town,

packed up and gone,

hiding in the winds

that carry hope away

to the hopeless land

of hopelessness.

Darkness now lights

my heart's chambers,

lonely rooms mine,

vacant to love's joy,

drowning in a friend,

one so dear, so near,

Sweetest Melanie …

(Written December 22^nd, 2012)

Page 8

When Hope Turns Into Bitter Tears

What more in life is there to fear,

when hope turns into bitter tears,

as the salty drops fill your mouth,

to leave behind a life full of doubt,

in any hope of brighter tomorrows,

only darker days of saddest sorrow,

of pleading with the heavens above,

“Why is it you've taken my true love?”

A rare one and only second chance,

to find true love and sweet romance,

a girl with whom to spend each day,

in hopes of stealing her heart away¹,

hopes to have her as my sweet wife,

to give her children and a good life,

a happy home with blue skies above,

pledging my faithfulness in true love,

to never cease in losing my breath,

every time she smiled until my death,

knowing full well she was too young,

a love song destined to never be sung,

clueless that she could ever feel as I,

clueless as to the many reasons why,

she took her life after I saw her last,

leaving me to live in a sorrowful past,

standing by her grave fighting tears,

death holding forth not a single fear,

only wishing to have her by my side,

the girl who was never to be a bride,

committing suicide to leave me alone,

without her to ever hold as my own,

when hope turns into bitter tears ...

(Written July 8^th, 2013)

Page 9

How Long Will It Take?

How long will it take to get over you?

How long is long enough to grieve,

while friends say get on with your life?

They never knew the wonderful girl you were …

They never looked into your eyes of blue,

never melted within your smile,

never felt the joy of your laughter,

never knew your gentle touch ...

Fools cast away love they think is dead,

but your death does not make love dead,

it simply makes you not here anymore,

as my love has not changed, and never will …

Wait for me!

Death will not separate us …

I will find you there …

I will hold you and never let you go …!

Melanie…

(Written March 3^rd, 2013)

Page 10

All Those Tomorrows That Will Never Come True

Through darkest clouds of my deepest sorrows,

your smile to no longer brighten my tomorrows,

in a storm of grief that forever blots out the sun,

daily my eyes pour forth all of my heart's pleas,

for time has not erased the pain of your passing,

nor has it put an end to wanting you here with me,

nor will it ever end my sighs of despair in asking,

“Why God! … Oh Why! … Did she have to die!”

Would a man dare curse God for a loss so severe,

to forget it was He who first brought you so near?

My answer, my love, in casting forth all my cares,

is for you -- to hold you once more -- yes, I would dare!

But, would that end my road of forever's sorrows,

would it give me your hand in a brighter tomorrow,

would it stop the downpour in deluge of crying eyes,

the sobbing and wailing and so never ending sighs,

in rivers of tears flowing towards that endless sea,

of a heart so broken to never again your face see?

Alas, I said I had written all I could say about you,

crying so many tears, I simply knew not what to do,

guilt laden in things I should have done to save you,

guilt turned sorrow to now hide your face from view,

to leave me empty thoughts of what could have been,

penned as tear stained pages of what should a been,

and of all those tomorrows that will never come true:

A happy life with you that will now never come true,

leaving only empty thoughts of what could have been,

so damn many empty thoughts of what should a been,

of all those tomorrows that will never ever come true,

tomorrows that will never come true, not without you,

what surely should a been had I not been a damn fool,

to let you slip away into death's darkness coldly cruel,

spending my days on tear stained pages alone and blue,

scrawling the dreams that could have been me and you …

(Written September 13^th, 2015)

Page 11

Strength I Pray

Death's darkness surrounds me deeply,

shadows pale sickly upon my soul.

murky depths clouding my feelings,

leaving my heart no where to go.

Daylight is dimming to your absence,

birds losing the beauty of their song,

earth is mourning its drinking you in,

tasteless bites, this life with you gone.

Mountain that is Melanie slips into the sea,

rivers drying cease all their flowing,

universe collapsing while stars collide,

so little left of the man that was me.

Shrouded in mists of sorrows call,

my lips softly not saying goodbye,

will this heart to stop its beating,

strength I pray to join you as I die.

(Written November 27^th, 2012)

Page 12

Love's Finest Oath

Darkness is now my warm blanket,

shrouding my lack of any tomorrows,

silence has become my sweet music,

drowning all sounds of my sorrows,

My tears are now turned to stone,

fallen pebbles upon harsh ground,

my heart struggles in its pumping,

blood once red now turned to brown,

All my hopes are but wisps of jokes,

subtle hints of a future gone wrong,

my laughter is but a faint whimper,

with your sweet smile forever gone,

Death has taken you within its lair,

to hold you wickedly in its cold arms,

but the grave can never appreciate,

your beauty nor your sweet charms,

It will never ever know you as did I,

nor love you as I love you still now,

I will find you my love, O I swear,

some day, some where, some how ...

(Written 3/19/2014)

Page 13

Dark Times

Dark times in ones life,

often bring about the utmost,

of dark and desperate measures,

of dark thoughts in darkest depths,

of darkness in heart and spirit,

broken asunder as that time arrives,

when there are no more tears left to cry

  --and all there is to do -- is die ...

A most dark time in my life,

when her life was over ...

She chose to make it so,

and my life felt as though,

it were simply over too

  --over Melanie -- without you ...

Days of mornings remain,

as once again I sadly awaken,

to memories of your face I see,

in longing to be in your place,

beside you, always, even in death ...

Gazing into your lovely eyes,

face to face of my lips upon yours.

in gentlest caress upon caress.

Holding you, ever so near to me

• and that, for eternity …

(Written March 14^th,2013)

Page 14

I Had A Dream

I had a dream²...

A dream so sweet to leave me in utter defeat,

a dream so cruel all my hopes it didst deplete,

a taste of heaven turned into a suffering's hell,

a return to me of the one whom I loved so well ...

Last night I dreamed you were here with me,

things were even better than they used to be,

no hiding the way I felt about you as before,

O' before that night you exited my life's door,

Taken captive in your eyes burning bright,

blinded by a smile that lit the darkest nights,

carried away to heaven in laughter so sweet,

for once in my life feeling ever so complete,

I held you close to me throughout the night,

arms around you with lips pressed so tight,

whispering words of how I'd missed you so,

vowing that I would never again let you go,

To sadly awaken to find 'twas only a dream,

dazed at how truly real your kisses seemed,

to then tearfully remember that tragic night,

when you chose a noose in taking final flight,

Leaving me behind to miss your face each day,

life no longer worth the living, no how, no way,

my heart broken forever to never heal or mend,

longing for death in hopes of seeing you again,

Melanie, my sweetest love and dearest friend …

(Written August 17^th, 2015)

Page 15

As Eight Meets Nine

As eight meets nine in passing of time,

her beautiful blue eyes met mine,

as night meets day in sunshiny rays,

she brought a smile to my face,

as sweet as sugar but more like honey,

she made my insides feel funny,

as good as it gets without any regrets,

with her I never felt a need to fret ...

Until that morning she ceased to be,

leaving me broken as can be,

to find in the night she'd gone away,

never more to laugh or play,

never more to brighten up my days,

with her beautiful face,

her face ever so warm and tender,

her face I will always remember ...

(Written May 12^th , 2013)

Page 16

Insanity Rules The Broken Heart

“Insanity rules the broken heart

cast into the darkness

of true love lost ...”

-- Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

Eyes searching, for horizons so lost,

But sweet serenity, cannot be found,

Torments wagered, in tears the cost,

Soaring skies, upon wings so high,

To this fool, to never come around.

Spittle drooling, as lets forth a sigh.

Bland the stare, seeing to nowhere,

Face awash, in dims pale, sickly gray,

'Neath scraggy mires, of unkempt hair,

A smile long ago, since gone to fallow,

'Neath shaggy beard, in need of a shave,

His eyes, saddened bleakly, and hollow.

Ghastly reflection, by nights firelight,

Mirrored only, by a water bucket pail,

Scattered tin cans, decorate a campsite,

Alongside ramshackle, cardboard home,

All alone, with no one, to hear him wail,

Grief of her loss, still cuts him, to bone.

Wine bottle flying, as tossed into the air,

Having never smoked, lights yet another,

Tears rolling, down whiskered cheek hair,

Staggering, falling, so near to the flame,

Out of booze, wishes, he'd bought another.

Sees her face, all the same, him to blame.

Fits of rage, stumbling, through darkness,

Unseen, the big log, as around he danced,

Trips, sprawling, face down in starkness,

Worn old photo, slipping from his hands,

To a loving memory, tonight he pranced.

Memories, all the serenity, left this man.

Breath leaving his lips, for the last time,

Sweet serenity, at long last, he's found,

Holds her close, stroking her hair fine,

Whispers, “I've missed you,” in the dark,

No more prison, to which he was bound,

As her kisses ignite, within him, a spark …

(Written 12/22/2012)

Page 17

Author's Note of Disclaimer:

Suicide Is An Irreversible Mistake

“The poetry shared above represents an emotion filled attempt at painting, to canvass of page, a true-to-tragic-events-of-life mental & emotional visualization of the consequences of opting out of this life via that deceptive mechanism called suicide. Suicide is not a cardinal sin as taught by the mythological fairy-tale fabrications of men, known as Organized Religion. Suicide is nothing more than a mistake; a life ending irreversible decision; an act that can never be undone; a departure upon a journey that leads to nonexistence, from whence there is no return ...

Suicide, and its impact upon others, is realistically (though metaphorically) equivalent to a 9.4 magnitude earthquake that begins by destroying one person's life at its epicenter, to, then, generate a consequences-to-foolish-acts-emotional-tsunami that speedily ravages the hearts & lives of all those who loved you, as they are swept away within a mental stormy sea of guilt, regret, and relentlessly unceasing thoughts of anguish as to what they could have done to save you, what they should have done to save you and failed to do to save you -- feeling a never ending responsibility, without a moment's reprieve, for an act you chose to commit in leaving those who loved you with lives that will never be the same, ever, again, as they pay in tear stained remorse, of guilt they do not deserve, for your mistake -- a decision you made that they will pay as debt of regret for the entirety of the rest of their lives, because they still love you, and will always love you …

Suicide is not a video game. There is no reset button, or prize you can attain, as a good player, that awards you with more lives, or a second chance … Suicide plays for keeps!

If you suffer from suicidal thoughts and imaginary scenarios of killing yourself and ending it all, please do call for help, NOW, before it is too late, as that next round of playing with thoughts of offing yourself in your mind might just be that time when your private little fantasy, of release from the problems and torments of this life, becomes an all too surreal reality that can never reversed or undone, in suddenly and calmly materializing as that life ending act known as suicide ... Don't wait! … Get help now! … Before it is too late …

Why have I shared this poetry compilation? In order that those who may be considering ending their own lives might know the sheer devastation of broken hearts and lives of friends and family they leave to drown in the tsunami wake of their self inflicted deaths Each poem is written from the muse's perspective of someone who truly cared about a young woman who chose to kill herself, when she had the entirety of her young life ahead of her. But no more … Her death utterly devastated her family. They will never be the same, ever, again, as the fine people that I know personally.

In addition, I share this compilation in the hope that doing so will keep a wonderful girl's memory alive and burning in the hope that learning about her, who she was, and how she died, might just cause someone, even if it is only one person's life saved, to reconsider ending their own lives, as they witness the devastation and unending grief that she, unintentionally and unwittingly, brought upon all the many folks who loved her -- and continue to love her today.

As for me? I do not believe in Heaven or Hell, or any form of Eternal Afterlife. I believe this one life is all that we have to live. Therefore, I will never piss off the shot at living that I have. I do hope that you will choose to do the same: LIVE! Your life matters! Thank you for reading …”

  --Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

1 Steal Your Heart Away by Joe Bonamassa: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BSvXXiIPcY

2This poem was inspired by the late Gary Moore's beautiful blues song, I Had A Dream, and the memories I hold for someone I lost in a similar way. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utJ9KQfWi1E

Author's Note

For potential readers and reviewers: Though this post is a poetry compilation, there is no intent to force any reader to read, absorb, and comment upon each and every poem contained within this compilation. Simply scan this piece as the Tribute and Memorial post that it is, and if a particular poem strikes you fancy, please do identity the given piece in your comment below ... There is no requirement to read and comment upon each and every piece, but only that which does speak your, individual, heart and mind.

Thank you,

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham