It Was So Very Long Ago

True life as it unfolded, coupled with a bit of remorse and wondering ...

It Was So Very Long Ago

Written By Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

Copyright © 2020 Marvin Thomas Cox

DBA: Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

All Rights Reserved

It was so very long ago,

when you shared with me

things I was never to know

things of yourself on a shelf

that ever so simply could not,

bear all the weight anymore.

I should have understood,

but, instead I continued

to tread upon your heart,

as a self-centered husband,

who heard all of your words,

but failed to ever feel them.

I loved you so very much,

but was clueless as to how

to tell you so, as a hard man

to know, and filled with rage,

rather than that of compassion.

I ruled our home as a castle,

with a rod of iron mercilessly,

insuring that I was the king,

insuring that you knew it,

with never a thought for you,

what you wanted or needed.

After all you were a woman

and me, I was a man: The Man,

who ran everything of it all,

and you, just along for the ride,

your feelings pent up inside,

my wife, and beautiful bride.

I learned well from my parents.

In all their faults, I excelled.

As an a*****e, I did rather well,

but as a caring, loving, husband,

I stunk, flunked, utterly failed,

and was blind to the jerk I was.

Divorce came with good reason,

it was truly the time of the season

time for you to be free from me,

to live and breathe on your own,

but you loved me still, for reals,

taking me back again in 2014.

Looking back now I wonder,

for I did try to treat you better,

as the last five years of our lives

were the best we had ever seen,

or ever known as us two together.

But when the a*s that I once was,

would resurface, it made me sad.

Sad to think back on a day,

as you spoke of your grandmother,

how she was waiting for her a*s

to die and say a final goodbye

to her husband as king of the castle,

as she waited patiently in hope

of what a free life would bring.

One couldn't blame her at all,

for I knew the man most well:

He was hell on wheels for meals,

tortillas, beans, carne guisada,

and lovin', all at his whim's behest,

of him being the king of his castle.

He was a good man for an a*s,

just as all unthinking men are,

just as I had been as no friend,

or true loving wife's husband,

and the thought occurred to me:

Did you also seek to be free,

free from me, awaiting my death?

I couldn't blame you if you did,

even the second time around

that was far better than the first,

as years I shall always treasure,

our good years spent together,

and me trying hard to do better.

Life is a b***h and then you die.

Life is snitch, a poke in the eye.

For, your poor old grandmother

waited so many miserable years,

to see her own death approaching,

breathe her last and die -- first.

Life played a sick and cruel joke

on both of you, two lovely ladies,

for it truly should have been him,

and it truly should have been me:

If there was a merciful God above,

a God of love, and a God of justice --

who cares and judges all in equity,

a God to aptly set poor women free,

from the likes of him, the likes of me,

a God who iss not a Male Chauvinist Pig!,

ruling over a court's jury that is rigged,

a God supportive of Women's Rights --

a God devoted to being a better husband,

a God who teaches men to cherish wives,

a God seldom upset or easily angered,

a God who allows all, their individuality,

that never rules the roost, but protects it,

holds his wife in his arms to quell her fears,

and says, “Whatever you think best, my dear.”

as they lives their lives of year after year,

endlessly so, as one couple beneath the sun,

of that which is a happiest marriage -- ever ...

But there is no God! And, of all creatures,

Women are those who suffer the most ...

For if there was a loving and caring God,

he would have taken me -- and never you!

(Written August 9^th, 2023)