Holding on to the past

dealing with my past

The past is screaming
While the present is silent
Memories swarm me
And their intentions are violent

They come with pain
And a want to harm
But my heart is already broken
Therefore it raises no alarm

In the present I sit
Not alone but in a group
I'm not even paying attention
Nor do they care I'm out of the loop

My mind is lost
In what used to be
It's like a tunnel with no end
And no escape that I can see

It's like being trapped
And I have no where to go
My past has consumed me
And the present just doesn't know.

A year ago I sat in that place
I was not scared then
I didn't know how it would go
Or if it would end and when

I wasn't pleased with my life
But I would take it all back
I would rather have the want to leave
Than to be this off track

These memories keep reminding me
Of the past that still lingers
I get more and more lost
As I Chase whats at the tip of my fingers.

There I don't live by time
Nor do I really move at all
I watch as the pictures float by
And I sit up against that wall.

But that place is much more safe
For no one can see my pain.
I can hide against that old pink wall
Even if it means I'm insane

But I'm not quite ready to let go
And I still live in the past
It makes the present easier to bare
And helps my sanity to last