THe moon

I spent a week with a guy sitting under the moon each night we did. I will never forget

When I look I look for you

to see anything but my fears

to let go of my trouble

to dry all the tears

 

I'm looking at the sky

It is dusky and dark

yet still so beautiful

still feeling the spark

 

I look because it's the same

you too can see what i see

that same beautiful light

the moon you share with me

 

I look for it was the first thing i saw

a memory of our short past.

I see the brightness it gives me hope

and a memory that can last

 

I look, hoping that you look

thinking of me while i think of you

knowing it will look the same there

So i look hoping you'll look too

Reviews

[kirstey Lost,Crushed,Co..]

Amazing i love it :)

[Katie]

Inspirational and beautiful. I love the "I look" in every stanza. Great job.

[Senseless whatever]

Great heartfelt write. Longing and reliving those feelings that make us feel 'special' when with that someone.

[Livana Lowell]

Slow down a little. This may be a grammar tip, but in the first stanza, place a comma in between the repetition you have with "I look" because it just runs on and the beauty of the line decreases. However, I like the first line because within you have that person that scares away the fears and makes you feel like everything's going to be alright. A strong feeling portrayed easily within those lines.

Then, the second stanza makes me think of how things may not go smoothly, but yall will make it, like there's hope in the darkness, a star in the night which is of course the moon being the brightest one. Beautiful and enriching.

And then the third stanza you connect the sky, the nature and face of the sky and the feeling that must have went through your heads.

The last two stanzas tie the poem and the title together to me because the moon symbolizes hope for the future that seems luminous by the rays of it. To be honest, I think if you elaborate the poem, this would be an even more wonderful piece to enjoy. Listen to the Lone Wolf Prose.

As of now, it is a piece full of inspiration. Great job.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Nice inspiration...

[The Lone Wolf Prose]

Very simple sweet imagery. I like the narrative style you have.
A suggestion in word choice - maybe go back and see where you repeat some words (ex: you use "look" a lot) and maybe see if you can use more descriptive words like...
gaze, glance, stare, etc... to help match the descriptive approach you have kind of created with this piece. Not only does it give you variety and it does not become almost repetitive with the same word choice but it also gives the reader a greater scope of imagery.... Good write.

~LW