Sin

I can't really explain not my greatest but tell me whatcha think

your voice it calls to me

Your saying it's time to follow.

I don't seem to have a choice

My heart is now hollow.

 

You tell me to drop it all

You tell me I am yours

I am shaking on the inside

I am on all floors

 

You tell me It's time to go

You tell me you have won

I don't know if it's worth to pray

God shakes his head at the wrong i've done

 

Please help me I scream

I'm sorry I say.

You laugh at me

I continue to pray

 

You command me to stand

you say it's time to go

I look to him for help

He looks at me and I know

 

You will not follow him he says

You are mine he screams

I nod in agreement

Your anger it beams.

 

I had turned away from him

You did not win

I will never again loose

I once failed but we all sin

 

 

 

Reviews

[Sunny]

not sure if some of the miswrites were on purpose but even so this was a very unique piece. i truly enjoyed it

[Sabbath_Nikole]

Couple things "I am on all floors" not sure if this was a typo or not. Not sure if you meant all fours, but i like floors better. "I will never again loose" I think you meant lose. I like the contrasting forces of good and evil, interesting that you name god but not his opposite. interesting.

[*Always be Me:)*]

I like it good job! :)

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Nice poem of redemption. It has a special sincerity to it.

[Senseless whatever]

I liked this. great message and imagery. I must admit that I did get a bit confused in the next to last stanza with the 'you' repetition.

[deeps]

I enjoyed this write, very well written

[The Water Queen]

I like the concept and imagery that you portray in this poem. Great job.