Pieces

Kind of a feeling of the parts of us

 

 

Laying around

Broken and shattered

Torn and beaten

Old and tatterd

 

Alone and lost.

Forgotten and scared

Always the one

Never to be spared.

 

Cold and tired

Constantly taunted.

Nightmares returning

Continually haunted

 

Burned to ashes

Feelings never showed.

Pain irrelevant

Time always slowed

 

A girl

A guy

It’s all the same

Gender isn’t the cry

 

You are me

And I am you

We feel the same

This pain isn’t new

 

Tear unheard

Etched creases

Time goes on

For us we remain in pieces

Reviews

[Wolfe Greytome]

This is one of your better pieces in terms of feel and flow. Very well done!!!!!

[Senseless whatever]

Great one. love the flow and feel of this.

[GunMetal]

@Sabbath_Nikole: agreed
Also, I felt the way you phrased "Never to be spared." should be "To never be spared." It'll help with the flow a bit, and be a more fluid read.

Overall, this was good, the rhyming worked.

[Sabbath_Nikole]

"Feelings never showed." This line stuck out at me, i think you should use shown, or perhaps Feelings veiled, showed just doesn't feel right grammatically. I really liked this poem, the rhyme was good, not in your face. Very nice.

[*Always be Me:)*]

i like the ryhme. good job.

[Tara♥Undefined&h..]

I liked your details and descriptions it was very well written !!!!! Great write!

[LynLee]

ahhh this gives me a sad vibe. but i love it. i can feel the emotion. this is another very well write. just one thing to point out. when im reading it to my self the lines
"Alone and lost"
"Forgotten and scared"
"Always the one"
"Never to be spared"

i think that for a poem it kind of needs to have the constenants sort of the same so i think it should be
"Alone and lost"
"Forgotten and scared"
"Always the one"
"NOT to be spared"
but this is just my opinion so im going to stop typing because a spider just floated down from my cabinet
AHHHHHHH!!!!

[AmeliaMae]

Wow that was very good. I really liked the flow of the rhyme scheem. The wording was also very good. Good write. Keep it up!

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This poem is really sad. You painted a portrait of every broken hearted soul.

[Keevan]

i really liked this. for some parts, to me, the rhymes seemed forced. but all in all, wonderful poem :)