A beautiful lie

I was thinking of innocent people who die and how we try to sugar coat our world.

 Such a beautiful face

Such a beautiful mind

With a heart laid in pieces

no pieces to find.

Such a beautiful person

Such a beautiful sight

With tears all around us

Giving up without a fight

Such a beautiful thought

Such a beautiful disguise

The world spinning around us

filling our hearts with lies.

Such a beautiful face

Such a beautiful mind

With a body laid in pieces

no pieces to find

Such a terrible person

Such a terrible lie

our world not as beautiful

filled with people who watched her die

Such a beautiful face

Such a beautiful mind

her brilliance always with us

but her life left behind

Author's Note

sorry if there are errors if there are and sometimes I don't use punctuation because i don't like to think of poems and sentances more as just one big things unless i try to use it as a complete thought. Thank you :)

Reviews

[karmic]

Great flow and your right we do try to sugarcoat things, but something’s (sadly) we have to censor, because a lot of people out there can not handle it. Sometimes it’s better to feel safe and naïve. I myself don’t like to sugar coat thing, but there are a lot of consequences being that. This is not a black and white issue. Anyway great poem.

[The Lone Wolf Prose]

I really liked the flow of this poem as well as the rhythm...Oddly enough after reading it through the first time...I looked at it and read it backwards by each stanza...like the poem was rewinding. I found it very interesting like watching shards of broken stain glass being slowly reconstructed but still there is the tell-tale crack at the beginning, letting us know that all is about to fall apart, again. It really ties in with the cyclical pattern you have with your poetry...

Good write

LW

[Eric Cox]

So sad. So very well penned. Nicely done.

[Sabbath_Nikole]

This line is striking "With a body laid in piecesno pieces to find" The second stanza last line "filled with people who watched her die" I think you might want to use those in place of people just cuz that line seems a little wordy than the rest of your piece. I like the contradiction of beauty and the revelation you pose in your last stanza, the realization hits the reader like a slap in the face. Great write, keep up the good work.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Harsh truth in the words here. The rhythm moves along like lyrics.
Refrain is frowned upon by many poets because it can become boring
and predictable, but you somehow use it as your strength. It creates
a violent unforgiving message that relentlessly pounds the theme of
your work into the readers mind. I think this makes you special.

[Brandon]

Very nicely done. Great piece.

[deeps]

This is so wonderful and ever so emotional.
It''s also very well written. Of course you have talent
So it would be well written. Love the write.

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

i love the way your words just flow out with ease, another great write.

[C.J.G.]

Very sweet. I like this a lot. Thank you for sharing it with us!

[MJ Durston]

Overall, I think the repetitive words here didn't help the poem at all, I felt it took away from any creativity. However, there is some good to this poem lol : ) you had a great idea, when you think "beautiful" you never think "broken" I thought that was an incredible thought.

As I tell everyone, it's lacking commas here and periods there, but most poems do - it's never the main focus I just like touching base, so us writers don't forget. because it's important in the publishing process.

the idea or concept of the poem was truly beautiful, the approach - not so much. But keep writing.

Melissa

[The Water Queen]

Wow. This is great. I have to agree with Karmic on how we try to sugar coat things that happen in our world. Great ryhme and flow of the poem. Perfect balance of emotion and strcuture.