Black Birds Message

Feeling alone in a dark place

Tears fell down the face of stone

no one to wipe them away, completely alone.

Birds watch silently sitting shoulder to shoulder,

each answerless tear making the broken heart colder.

 

Fly away birds tell of the tears

cry your message loud so that every soul hears.

Show them the heart that's breaking

make them listen allow no more faking.

 

A shaking body sits with nobody to see,

constant awareness but no chance at being free.

Peircing eyes watch unable to speak words,

unable to help for they are the souless black birds.

 

Fly away birds tell of the tears,

cry your message loud so that every soul hears.

Show them the heart thats breaking,

make them listen allow no more faking.

 

No more tears fall down the stone face.

No more cries can be heard from the birds in the dark place.

The message was told but not a soul heard,

because the face of stone died silencing the bird.

 

Reviews

[Fallacy Pharmacy]

Wow, this is absolutely amazing. The flow and the rhyming is immense, and you portray the feelings and emotions well. Like Kit Kat commented below, this poem is really deep and tug the emotions right out of the heart. Very well done, keep up the amazing stuff!

[The Perfectionist]

Sigh, I feel like a broken record here. You can essentially go look at another one of my reviews, it'll be the same. Your content is good and your rhyming is fine, but your rhythm is off. Rhyming lines should be the same length (roughly) or at least have some type of pattern to them. All you've got is a haphazard flow and random line lengths. If you wanna write free verse, write free verse, don't set up a structure and then not follow it.

[Subjective Sanity]

WOW! I'm speechless...

[Eric Cox]

Very cool. Also sad. So very well done. Great job.

[J. Alexis Balaguer]

Wonderful, rich symbolism. This poem is a treasure full of flowery metaphors and colorful analogies. A rather sad summary of a flightless hope.

My favorite lines:
Fly away birds tell of the tears,
cry your message loud so that every soul hears.
Show them the heart that's* breaking,
make them listen allow no more faking.

Wonderful rhymes. Thanks very much for sharing!
-Alex

[The Water Queen]

Amzing piece. great flow and well written. I agree with the others. You have great talent

[Brandon]

This is a great piece. Very good flow, very well written. Great job.

[c.m.]

This is so amazing. You can feel the emotion flowing from your words. You did really well with the rhyme too. Very nice work.

[Sabbath_Nikole]

I like the image of the birds, stone, and tears. I feel like you don't have to repeat the second stanza again, but it does make the poem feel more lyrical. I think the last stanza second line, instead of 'the birds in the dark place' it would be more powerful if you said 'that dark place' But i like it either way, it just sounds more specific that way. A pretty amazing write. Keep it up!

[lawrence bear]

wow, great piece you have written.