Ripped life

Timid self

feeling lost

needs the way

back home

blurry vision

cannot see 

needs to ask

someone 

shaky hands

cannot hold onto

the trees 

for support

injured legs

warm blood 'n sweat

drippin down

cannot move no more

cannot stand up

falling 'n stumbling

'n crashing into

everything 

broken bones

to never mend

and show

the way back

Reviews

[apennylate]

*Welcome to "Pure Rhymes" Thanks for joining, great to have you...!*

Sup, Mr. Writer...! Long time no see...! Hope you have been well.
A well constructed and sounded out sense of despondency... Crash... Stop... Crack... Stop... The flow moves with comforting sway of discomfort... With blurry eyes I finish this one... Someone show me something to hold onto... A tree will do...

[Mr.Writer]

Heyy Silente! Thnx so much! :)

[apennylate]

My pleasure...!

[BBP]

Like the desperate nature here. A ripped open soul spilling truth

[Mr.Writer]

Thanks!! :)

[Inda]

I like the struggle portrayed in this, it's physical and visceral and emotional as well. It's also very well structured, not a word wasted. Good job.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Inda!! :)

[emipoemi]

"cannot move no more" is redundant (the "not" and "no"). "cannot move more" is how it should read.

This is otherwise so profound and thought-provoking, I really have nothing more to say about this. Well done!

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Emi!! :)

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.

[Hope]

I thoroughly liked the short but catchy lines:)
sadness reflects in your poems...
Good at portraying feelings.
Thanks for sharing:)

[Mr.Writer]

Thanks Neetha! :)

[Hope]

Welcome dear!

[CAPOLAVORO]

This is more than just physical pain. You made the readers dig into the mind of the person's feelings and emotions that arises from what causes it to be. Well done Mr. Writer.

Sincerely,
CAPOLAVORO

[Coyote Poetry]

Powerful and strong words shared my friend. I liked the realness of the words. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[zaisham9393]

Every one of us is or feels broken in some way!
That feeling is a part of being human!
thank you for sharing :)!

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you and no prob! 😆

[zaisham9393]

You're welcome!
I hope you liked my philosophical review lol :D

[Najam Us Saher]

I liked the expression of one's self in each stanza. The way you described and wrote about 'need' clearly shows that you yearn for someone to be with you.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Najam :)

[Najam Us Saher]

You're welcome :)

[Priyanshi]

THe way you presented it is good. and the poem is also very well written...
keep on writing.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Priyanshi! :)