The drowning sun

I'm lost in the beauty 

of the drowning sun

my eyes, steady to the horizon

watching the sun cast it's golden rays

upon the clouds

as it leaves its bleeding marks in the sky

and begins to descend 

into the ocean

the colors changing fast

as the drowning sun

soon disappears

its warmth fading

leaving a cold feeling

within me

Reviews

[Joanna Matilda Barlow]

Such elegant emotion. A feeling of calm and yet a little sad. Nice poem. It really is a swell poem. Maybe i should start getting into doing some poetry. Stuff like this might do me some good. Letting out what it is that i feel deep inside. It'd be a rather good read. Wouldn't you think? Keep up the good poetry. there might be something deeper coming from you yet. Wouldn't you figure? It's always good to read a nice made poem. Always uplifting. Never a drag. Poems like these... i'd read anytime.

[Mr.Writer]

Poetry indeed lets us pour out what we're feeling inside of us, maybe like something really deep as you said!
I'm really glad that you might start doing poetry! :) Thank you so much Joanna!

[Great Aunt Astri]

Although this is a beautiful poem, at face value, it can also be rather a good metaphor for the ending of anything that has been valued. But it is important to get those cold toes warmed up again.

[Mr.Writer]

I agree with you!
Thank you so much!

[Phill Oz O'fee]

According to the ancient myths, the Sun was put in a chariot and everyday God Helios would drive the chariot all along the sky. That is how the Sun would rise and set. However, I found your interpretation just as uniquely effective in stimulating the imagination.

[Mr.Writer]

Ohh, that's cool to know!
Thank you so much Phill :)

[Ana B.]

Very serene feelings, with the final touch of melancholia. Many things can happen between the birth and death of a day...Beautifully done :)

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Ana! :)

[apennylate]

I was lost within the beauty of this... Ethereal, haunting... Drowning, crowning... A crown of fire or ice... Wonderfully penned...

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Silente!! :)

[apennylate]

You are so muchly welcome

[Sofia]

Great imagery! It seems truly magical. Really very nice. Relaxing and calm :)

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Sofia! :)

[Poetic Beauty]

Sunsets of all kinds are magical but when they set behind the ocean they are gloriou, leaving us a bit saddened when the show is over.

[Mr.Writer]

I agree, they indeed are glorious on the ocean!
Thank you Poetic! :)

[writ rajat]

Seems you live in beach....

[Mr.Writer]

Haha, I actually don't :p

[writ rajat]

Ok............

[Ethan]

Grammar corrections/optional edits:

I am lost in the beauty
of the drowning sun.

My eyes, steady to the horizon,
watching the sun cast its golden rays
upon the clouds,

as it leaves its bleeding marks in the sky
and begins to descend
into the ocean,

the colors changing fast,
as the drowning sun
soon disappears,

its warmth fading,
leaving a cold feeling
within me.

Comments:

Okay, off of the grammar section above, "it's" is the contraction for "it is." You're looking to use "its", meaning it possesses. Also, your first two lines are nice. However, what follows is one large, run-on, incomplete sentence. You need to fix that.

Within this long, incomplete sentence, you create some very nice imagery. "Drowning sun" is a particularly beautiful touch. However, in certain places, you leave things too quickly. For instance, "into the ocean." The ocean is nice and all, but the reader wants to know what the ocean is like in the scene. Is it calm? Is it wild? Who knows ¯_(ツ)_/¯
The same applies to "the colors changing fast." Earlier in the poem, you only cite one color: gold. So, if there are multiple colors changing, you need to describe them. Is there red? I still don't know.

So, other than that, you've got a very nice piece here. You just need to tweak it a little. Good job :)

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Ethan for the review and feedback! :)
This actually really helps and I rlly appreciate it

[Relic]

Nice description. The image is clear and the feeling of coldness could be compared to someone close leaving. :)

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Relic! :)