I'm all gone (Poem)

Expressing thoughts...

Treated like a ghost, I cry;

tears falling from my eyes

The loneliness, hard to bear;

wishing that somebody would care

Feeling so lost from inside;

my feeling's no longer can hide

No more joy or spirit in me;

I'm not the person I used to be

Always in a place with no light;

so that I can be out of sight

Away from the crowd of haters;

who make me think I'm a traitor

But, I've never done anything bad;

to the people who've made me so sad

All I want is to feel loved and cared for;

not to be thrown out the door

If this can't happen, that's it;

I may as well fall down a pit

'Cause in truth, no one will care;

it is false love that they declare

 

Reviews

[Saumya]

Often when we lose, there comes a phase when one almost doesn't like anything, and anyone around..that faith, that excitement, everything's is as if taken away, and what's left is a void..When mostly neither the suffers, nor the people perceive.People too start behaving wierd and that seriously becomes terrible...It is actually times like these when one yearns for a quality care, and the importance...But people hardly understand...And take the one for granted.

You've beautiful described that state of loss and despair in this piece 😊 I admire the very simplicity, innocence and honesty of this piece.

Well done!

[Mr.Writer]

Yeah, that void, it gets bigger and bigger and comes in our emotions and changes us to someone we're not...
Thank you so much Saumya! :)

[Saumya]

You're welcome 😊

[deathwish]

I love it. Its deep. Keep up the good work

[L.C. Jarrette]

this is just so sad. i can feel the pain...

[Hope]

This poem touched me to the core!
You wrote very well Shaan;)
Thanks for sharing this!!

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Neetha! :)

[pia]

this was amazing. loved the word choice and the whole concept. the rhyming made this amazing as well !!

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Pia! :)

[apennylate]

Powerful... With sweeping expressal of thought that makes me FEEL it, rather than read it... This is the mark of a true poet, and the more infinite the abyss... The longer the dabbler will be lost in dark inspiration... Woefully penned... (That is a good thing)

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Silente!
I'm really glad you enjoyed it! :)

[apennylate]

Aye, expand on the meter a bit, and I think you have a real tear-jerker... Excellently done, man

[Mr.Writer]

Haha, for sure! :D
Thank you! :)

[apennylate]

Aha, sorry if that was vague... I meant if you mess with your line sizes a bit... It can kind of create an up-down feel for the reader, which, in my opinion, helps create that valley of despair for the imbiber to then lift themselves out of as the poem climbs... As opposed to the choppy, sorta cut-short feeling you get with repeating meter. I dunno, take it worth a grain of salt, hah...

[Mr.Writer]

Ohh, lol, gotcha!
In my next piece, I'll definitely change the line sizes for a better effect
Thank you once again! :)

[apennylate]

Of course...! Hope it is something that agrees with you

[Mr.Writer]

Yeah, for sure :)

[Wajiha Nayeem]

i remembered this stanza from justin bieber's song, ''baby''.....toh usme it had this line like...am all gone!...
the poem was wonderful...keep it up shaan.....

[Mr.Writer]

Oh lol yeah, I think it did :D
Thank you so much Wajiha! :)

[Sofia]

I loved the rhyming! It was well written.. wonderful indeed.. Keep writing!

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Sofia! :)

[Sofia]

My pleasure!

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad journey in the poem. It is heartbreaking when we learn. Our love was wasted. Thank you my friend for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Coyote! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[Priyanshi]

Well expressed your thoughts..the rhyming of words is very good...
a beautiful poem..keep it up.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Priyanshi! :)