Unfit (Poem)

A fictional piece of something that may happen in the world

I don't feel alike in this world

I feel so different, it's just like a swirl

But, I need to stay and bear with it

Who knows where I may fit?

But the differences increase everyday 

It's like a nightmare, except it's reality

Swaying me far, far away from society

Forever and ever...

Couple years later, I'll be living on the streets

Soon my body will be covered in white sheets

As I take a razor blade and cut both of my wrists

And bleed to death in a bath tub, not caring of what I'll miss

Author's Note

This is totally fictional and is something that happens in the world, to people who feel like they don't fit in the world.

Reviews

[Hope]

I can relate to your poem....
But I have learnt to be myself rather than trying to fit in and do something drastic.
Your poem is strong and captures the emotions of people who are unfit(as considered by others...)
Loved your work shaan.......:)

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Naat!! :) I really appreciate it :)

[Poetic License]

Whoa I did not see that coming!! So eloquent and musical for a hopeless violent end. The contrast makes the message even more stark. So well done.

It makes me wonder about those lives, where their private poem started and whether they ever saw the last stanza coming. Deeply thought provoking. Loved it.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Poetic! :) Really appreciated :)

[JessyJacob]

I am sorry, what your name might be, but I want to thank Poetic license, really very interesting review, from a person(lady), gave rise to, "stark" I like the word(new word for me). Deeper was He, and me moved to that deeper than before, it just Him, evevrything made for me, for my flatened remark, to show the truth, still being stupid, not even voice, is being missed, only a social profile pic, not complete family pic, I will be missing your birth day, and how long, and what should I miss, waiting, waiting, and again waiting, tired, tired, and tired, calling, calling, and calling, yyyyyyyouuuuuuu, even you is linked with love, why not we both, till now, separate, when it be called my family, missing, missing and missing!!!!

[matrixmark]

Well, this was a brutal piece about the brutal world which we live in. As you know, I'm not much of a poem reviewer and more words are few. But what I do have to offer you is that you're message came across loud and clear. Short and graphic in its words but the message of depression was clear to see.
You have written a very poetic powerful piece, I can't critque on any of the lines because as you know - reviewing a story is my strong point. So sorry my review can't be any longer than this.

Mark.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Mark! :) I'm glad the message came out
No problem Mark :)

[matrixmark]

Strong piece Shaan.

Mark.

[Mr.Writer]

thank you Mark! :)

[Mel Jayne]

deep. Graphic. Interesting. it's kind of sinister how you managed to fit gross imagery into a rhyming pattern reminiscent of nursery rhyme. You captured depression well through your words.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Mel! :)
I really appreciate it

[Dr. YumnaKay]

We see a lot of misfits around us, probably that they aren't, but we make them so.. Which leads to them taking their own lives the hard way. A brutal truth, honestly penned.
While the message you convey is clear, still I found something which didn't seem right to me. In the last stanza you say the person would be living on streets yet they'd bleed in a bath tub? That sounds off..
But, I liked it overall. Poignant write up.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Yumna! :)
Ima glad you liked it overall :D

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You're welcome, Shaan. A pleasure always 😊

[Jessica Lima]

Brutal reality... But one must not be weak. What lies after death maybe be good or bad or non-existent but we cant say for sure. I hope this is simply poetry and nothing you truly feel in your heart.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Jessica! :)

[Surya]

Yeah sometimes we have to see such people, but fighting against odds in life is the best adventure one could have but who quits they truly do not desrve any place in this world...Just my thought Shaan on life...anyways, your poem dropped an unseen light on a needy life...
I loved it..:)

[Mr.Writer]

Very true Surya :)
Thank you so much!