Love of my life (Poem) Best one yet...

There was a time when we used to play with each other everyday

Jumping on the trampoline on your birthday

We drank sips of wine from our parents cups

We lit our report cards so they could blow up

We were friends in the beginning

Until love started winning

Soon we found the pinata and started spinning

Years later, we exchanged rings

As the guests started to sing

You helped me into your Ferrari as I wore my sari

You drove us on an adventure to a place called the Safari

Back on the Ferrari, you took me home

So we could watch movies all night on the browser you called Chrome

I curled in a ball as I got cold

But you told me to be bold

After this, all our happiness faded away forever

Making me have to pray now or never

It was as if a piece of you flew away

In the beautiful, warm sunny day

You sat on my lap as you cried

And I told you to confide

But all you did was lie

As you sat as a bride

And I told you how your father died

By: MrWriter (Shaan)

Reviews

[matrixmark]

From the off, you crated images of such a joyous and happy scene.WITHOUT even saying it, you could hear the laughter and almost see the happy faces around. I thought that the second verse was really cool and brought us right up to modern day times. I liked your play on words and how the verse itself worked so well. And then came along the end .
The line of 'it was as if a piece of you had flown away' was very touching and yet beautiful in a weird kind of way.

Overall a very emotional read and some thought provoking lines.

Mark.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you very much Mark!! :) I've been practicing for quite a while to show more than tell. I'm spammed lots of poems I wrote today, but from all of them, this one I felt stood out more to me and you proved that by writing an amazing review

Shaan

[matrixmark]

Show rather than tell is essential and you have grabbed the bull by the horns and grasped the understanding really well.

My review isnt amazing. It's just me ssying it as i see it. But thank you for the comment.

Mark.

[Mr.Writer]

No problem :)

[matrixmark]

Keep writing

Mark.

[Mr.Writer]

I will for sure

[Paul]

Beautifully written of love. I very much enjoyed reading this poem. Keep up the good work!

Paul

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Paul! :) Twas really appreciated :)

[Paul]

My pleasure. Thanks for sharing.

[heartspeaks]

I don't like this poem ! Why do you have to end it so sad?????!!! :( I loved the starting ... I could imagine all those things in front of me .. the laughing the weather , playing, jumping,! It was mood lifting and then came your bouncer! which put water on the candle. I don't like good times to end. I actually felt sad when it ended like that , which simply proves how extremely touching your poem was .. I liked the rhyming and words are great
this line was my fav... amazing infact
"Back on the Ferrari, you took me home

So we could watch movies all night on the browser you called Chrome"

that was sooooo cool!
... Keep it up .

[Mr.Writer]

thanks!! :))

[Mr.Writer]

Im really glad you enjoyed!

[Farhan Shaikh]

This is very good poem, those happy moments you mentioned its quite nice as well, I like this poem.
Thank you for sharing it
Shaan

[Stacy Purvis]

The beauty and imagery is incredible here. Love, Life and Everything In between. Thank you for sharing!

[Mr.Writer]

No problem! Thank you for reviewing! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A amazing poem. You told a beautiful story of love and friendship. I liked the journey and the honest tone of the words. I wanted to know and read more. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much!!! I'm really happy that you enjoyed

[Coyote Poetry]

I did enjoy and you are welcome.