Love of my life (Poem) Best one yet...

There was a time when we used to play with each other everyday

Jumping on the trampoline on your birthday

We drank sips of wine from our parents cups

We lit our report cards so they could blow up

We were friends in the beginning

Until love started winning

Soon we found the pinata and started spinning

Years later, we exchanged rings

As the guests started to sing

You helped me into your Ferrari as I wore my sari

You drove us on an adventure to a place called the Safari

Back on the Ferrari, you took me home

So we could watch movies all night on the browser you called Chrome

I curled in a ball as I got cold

But you told me to be bold

After this, all our happiness faded away forever

Making me have to pray now or never

It was as if a piece of you flew away

In the beautiful, warm sunny day

You sat on my lap as you cried

And I told you to confide

But all you did was lie

As you sat as a bride

And I told you how your father died

By: MrWriter (Shaan)

Reviews

[matrixmark]

From the off, you crated images of such a joyous and happy scene.WITHOUT even saying it, you could hear the laughter and almost see the happy faces around. I thought that the second verse was really cool and brought us right up to modern day times. I liked your play on words and how the verse itself worked so well. And then came along the end .
The line of 'it was as if a piece of you had flown away' was very touching and yet beautiful in a weird kind of way.

Overall a very emotional read and some thought provoking lines.

Mark.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you very much Mark!! :) I've been practicing for quite a while to show more than tell. I'm spammed lots of poems I wrote today, but from all of them, this one I felt stood out more to me and you proved that by writing an amazing review

Shaan

[matrixmark]

Show rather than tell is essential and you have grabbed the bull by the horns and grasped the understanding really well.

My review isnt amazing. It's just me ssying it as i see it. But thank you for the comment.

Mark.

[Mr.Writer]

No problem :)

[matrixmark]

Keep writing

Mark.

[Mr.Writer]

I will for sure

[Wajiha Nayeem]

omg!
mr.writer you've written it so well...every moment so well defined and so gracefully written!!
beautiful work:)...keep going!

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Wajiha! :)

[Wajiha Nayeem]

my pleasure! :)

[Tabby Mac]

This was a very emotional piece! The imagery was great. I loved how you were able to paint a powerful picture for us all to see with your words!
Well done!
Tabby

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Tabby! :)

[Tabby Mac]

My pleasure!
Tabby

[Kittenincake]

I love the beginning and how it sounds like Lana Del Rey lyrics, capturing beautiful yet simple moments in life, reflecting happiness and love. I am a sucker for dark twists, so I enjoy the ending too, though I honestly felt sad after the elated build up. Still, I think that was the intention.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much Kitten!! :)

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Well, the ending really got me, well done Mr. Writer

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Sir!! :)

[Great Aunt Astri]

At first I thought prhaps senility had set in......then I read it again in a different voice and of course, I suddenly saw it for what it was ..... a well perceived and executed poem! very poignant too ... good read.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you! :)

[SJ Mullins]

A very poignant write, as well as an enjoyable read. Wonderful imagery.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you!! :)

[SJ Mullins]

You're welcome. :)

[apennylate]

Smart rhymes, relatable lines, ease of pace... Yet frantic with taste... This was like a spiral of memories being spun before me... Artfully penned...

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Silente!! :) I'm really glad you enjoyed!! :)
"spiral of memories" sounds interesting :)

[apennylate]

Well... You sparked the thought, haha... Spiral as in down, from child-like trampoline jumping, to graves... At least to me, it was a spiral of memory... You are welcome!

[Mr.Writer]

Lol, nice thinking! :D

[Surya]

Words here are honest, I can feel the enotions behind your beautiful imagery and words...I enjoyed..:)

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Surya!! :)

[Jessica Lima]

Mr. Writer, I quite like it!! Just watch those rhymes... at times they are a bit forced. But like Matrixmark said... the emotion is there! I too could feel it.

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you Jessica! :) I really appreciate it! :) Nice profile pic ;)

[Jessica Lima]

Thanks... I went all out and added photos to this thing... If not my work, hopefully my beauty will get me followers! LOL JK JK JK!

[Mr.Writer]

xD Lol :PP

[Charlotte]

its good. but i hate life right now

[Mr.Writer]

Thank you so much! :) Lol I try to enjoy life whenever I can

[Charlotte]

i did to but now..

[Mr.Writer]

Awe, what happened

[Charlotte]

stuff i dont want to talk about it here