Visions (Chapter 1)

Heart gripping story

Chapter 1:

Visions

I woke up to the sound of the evergreen trees embracing each other, leaving almost no space between the branches. As usual, the leaves had their process, as they rippled away from their home, landing on the damp, dusty road. It was Monday, which meant school. I leapt off my bed and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I propped open the tube, the amount of toothpaste left was only for a one time use. I let out a sigh and decided to leave it for mother or… perhaps Seera, my sweet, affectionate baby sister. Having bad breath for a day or two wouldn’t matter, until mother would get her next earning from sewing. I dressed into my navy-blue uniform, gave my hair some look to it, and strolled to the kitchen to eat breakfast. I opened the cabinets in hope to find dozens of eggs which would magically turn into spicy and flavoursome omelettes, topped on baked, crispy naan in a basket for all of us to eat. Instead of mouthwatering omelette and naan, there were grains of rice filled with mold and 2 dippers of water. “Only if magic did exist…” I whispered in Urdu.

I had a sudden urge to wake up mother and hug her. I wanted to cry in her lap and utter “thank you” a million times for all the sacrifices she’d made for Seera and I after father died from malaria. I had no idea how she managed to pay the rent of the house, and to top it off… my school fees, with the salary from her sewing business. I felt like Allah had been extra merciful on us. I quickly drank half a dipper of water and left for school. I decided not to wake mother up and say goodbye since she was up late, soothing Seera as she cried restlessly. I walked to school in the boiling, hot sun as cool wind flurried past me from motorcycles and cars.

That reminded me of the days of enjoying the cool wind on father’s motorcycle as we went to the market to buy jalebi (pretzel shaped sweets) or also when he dropped me off to school on his way to work.  At night, when I was asleep, he and mother would utter a couple of words and then blow at me. I would then hold their hand, and they would give me a sweet, delicate kiss on the forehead, signalling me to go back to sleep.

My thoughts ended abruptly as a motorcycle went over a puddle, drenching my uniform. I gasped and vigorously jerked my head to find the driver muttering words under his breath in Urdu. “Careless kids these days… always lost in their bloody thoughts. Ignorant, illiterates…” I frowned. Tears sprung off my eyes, making my vision blurry as I walked. My dusty bag bumped onto a man’s coat.

“Are you mad?! My coat got stained because of your foul, dirty bag! You wretched, lower-class, worthless animal!” He then pushed me to the rigid ground and walked away, muttering as well.  Blood burst from my forehead, my back ached and more tears fell from my soggy eyes. As I tried to get up, I fell back down, moaning in pain.

“Help me, someone… I-- need-- help--” I stuttered. People passed by, gazing right at me, but not even one, attempted to help lift me back up, they just chuckled.. With help from Allah,  I slowly got up, and clutched on a pole for support. After 15 minutes of painful walking, I finally reached school. The gates were shut. That was solid proof for being late.  I spotted a guard and waved at him.

“Salam. Can you open the gates for me? While walking to school, I tripped and injured myself.” He looked confused as If I had woken him from a deep sleep. He replied. “Walaikum salam, okay, I will open them up for you.”  I sprinted in as he opened the gates. I found my class and entered. Everyone started to peer at me, especially Mrs. Shaikh.

“Why are you so late today, and how did your uniform get so dirty Saleem?”

“I… I… t-t-tripped on the ground and got injured.”

She shot me a stern look. “I can see that! Trying to make excuses for coming late to class aren’t you?

“ What? N-no, no, not at all, m-m-miss.”

“Then, why are you stuttering like a psychotic person, eh?”

I opened my mouth to speak but she raised a hand. “Just stop! You and your mother are both liars! I tried to be merciful to your mother and give her 2 extra weeks to pay your school fees and now, It’s been 3 weeks! I can’t handle this anymore! Until I don’t receive payment, you won’t put your foot in the school, forget this class!” she spat. “Oh and also…”

She came to me, raised a ruler and started to hit me with it. I yelped in severe pain as it dashed over my fresh wounds, producing more blood. A couple of my classmates grinned and whispered to each other about me. “Look at lower-class Saleem getting beaten by Miss! His mom hasn’t even paid his school fees.  This should be front page on the newspaper! It really should!”

After giving me a tight beating, Miss Sheikh pushed me back with disgust and signalled me to go out of the class. “Get lost from here!”

I didn’t move an inch. “Please… Miss… I-I-I will tell my m-m-mom to pay b-by Friday, just four d-d-days, just l-let me stay in class. Please... “

She looked at me daringly and slapped me on hard on the face. “What did I say SALEEM! NO MEANS NO! GO OR I’LL CALL THE GUARDS!”

My cheeks burned red in embarrassment. I slowly paced away from class, wondering why mother didn’t tell me this? She could have told me and I wouldn’t have gone to school for the past 3 weeks without paying.

Everyone hated me for being lower-class, no one liked me, only my family did. I sobbed at this. I wondered if anyone knew how it felt to walk in class and say salam with no reply, just more chatter and laughter. Or to see others hanging out together, talking continuously, smiling and enjoying themselves, while one person got left behind. There was one individual who felt this, and it was the one who got that treatment. Me, myself, and I.

Author's Note

Please give me feedback on my story.
How are the dialogues in the story? Are they choppy? Too long? Boring and stretched? Please feel free to tell me.
Rate out of 10
More chapters are soon to come

Reviews

[heartspeaks]

woah! mashallah...the work is great...i look forward to read futher of the story...dialouges are really nice.. the reader can feel the pain saleem is going through...in one word the chapter was PAINFUL....(good way) i would give this chap 7/10.... good luck.

[green212]

This is a good chapter. The dialogue was good and it shows the character. The oppression the character suffers is well displayed.

[Charlotte]

i like it. i like the way you read

[Embryonic]

The dialogue really brings out the character in your, well, characters. The chapter was kept short and sweet, the details and thoughts easy to take in. Love it, keep it up!

[Farhan Shaikh]

Very good dialogues and sentences..I love this chapter forward to read the next one

[Alice Maria]

I loved this story and I think it's written quite professionally. It made me want to read more.

[matrixmark]

The dialogues were really good
You have finely tuned the sentences to just the right length and were VERY easy to follow and flowed really nicely. Packed quite a punch with most of them and didn't divert the readers attention. I had a real good sense at how angry Mrs Shaikh was when Saleem entered into class - really good.

Time and effort has gone into this and it shines through.
Good work.

Mark.