Helpless

Shock.

Vision gone, the future curtains

Sight, the events about to play due

From this catastrophic moment.

Cold, broken, frightened, alone.

Heart nose-dives from ribs, plunging

to depths of guts and terror.

Time’s hands switch to feet

Strolling away, dreams tucked in pockets.

Blood pumping icy shards beneath bumpy flesh.

Reviews

[OceanTropic]

"...dreams tucked in pockets." I especially loved this line, I don't know why. What I got from this piece was something of a huge blow, and what you wrote is the 'coming to' that follows. Maybe I am wrong, but that is the impression I got.

I think you could add more detail simply because I had trouble pinpointing a few things. For instance, when you said "the future curtains" I wan't sure if you mean the curtains close, as in the future is no longer certain, or if the curtains open and your life flashes before your eyes.

It's a nice piece, but in my personal opinion, it could be even better with a little more detail.

Thank you for sharing!