Forsaken

Saw a trailer for Watchmen and then thought of someone who is betrayed and put it into poem about a hero whom is a savior, but never receives gratitude.

His mind is like a pendulem swaying between right and wrong,
dancing to the beat of life's song.
The choices he makes affect those in his life that he cares about,
But sometimes their choices make his pendulem mind full of doubt. 
Doubt that oneday our world can be civil and true,
And that in the future, we will all be in evils brew.

Our cities will crumble, our civilazations will fight,
and our people will pray for that heavenly light.
The light that once was vibrant in all of our hearts,
but now is as dark as the gothic arts.
people will kill, steal and plunder for their own survival,
and the innocent and pure will weep for their loved ones abscent revival.
When the world is nothing more than a toxic barren wasteland,
and the corpses of the largely deceased eroded in the earth's sand.
The Downtrotten and the weak will look for a savior,
to save them from their greedy behavior.

The savior used to sacrifice his life,
saving and giving to others, not caring for his own strife.
He brought laughter and entertainment to lifes table,
being known to everyone as a marveled fable.
Yet everyone his heart did seek
would always run and turn the other cheek.
To a another who were so uncaring and unkind,
but yet to them the beuties crawled back oh so blind.
while a kind, loving and lonely man stands waiting,
But now his loving heart is full of hating.

So when the world turns to nothing more than ravaging flames,
the lonley man might turn his back, and forget all their names.
For the pendulum still swings in his mind,
thinking about his past through the sands of time.
But as the pendulem swings more toward sin and evil,
it brings his emotions and judgement to a rampaging upheavel.
And as the the world spins into a violent riot,
The world will beg for peace and quiet.

And amongst the chaos and confusion, the hero will stand tall overlooking his decision,
his decision that will make or break mankinds future envision.
He will think back on his life which was once forsaken,
And now his emotions and choices run free and awaken.
The people will look to the skies and beg for their savior to show,
and he will ever so casually whisper back.......no.

Author's Note

i know the rhyme is off and it is based off a commercial i just saw.

Reviews

[OceanTropic]

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, THIS piece I really enjoyed. Especially the last line "...no". Brilliant! Just with that two-letter word you brought the entire piece together, and I loved it.

To be honest, I feel that you care too much about rhyme. I think that if you tried writing a poem without having to rhyme everything, you would be surprised at what amazing stuff you can come up with.

I liked this piece way more than the other one. I liked that you showed the desperation and the restlessness. I got a really good vision in my head about how the world was collapsing all around in all aspects, people crying because of "loved ones absent revival" (loved this line).

Also, there are a few minor spelling errors (pendelum = pendulum). It's not a big deal, but it can distract a reader if there are spelling errors.

Keep writing my friend. You have talent, I just feel that you focus too much on technicalities and that hinders your creativity. Please share more work when you have it!