TURTLE MOON

I know I will never again see her
But I saw her once
High in a dark red haze of effervesce
Amazed by her own existence
In a perfection of blinding sparks
A newborn reaching for her father
Pleading with all it’s blatant bother
Saying please don’t ever be lonely
She watches over me
Ever so slowly floating

 

It was the wild sea
And light cascading through an open hole
A rainbow of Heaven igniting my eyes
Like fireworks out of control
Was the bubbles of laughter from a Child's plea
In the carnival of life after
She said please don’t ever be lonely
She watches over me
Ever so slowly floating

 

It was the birth of the girl I watched over
It was when she first reached for my hand
It was when she first wore glasses to school
And used words only Daddy could understand

Daddy did there watch her cry
As sea foam tickled my ankles
Daddy did then watch her die one day
As mother ocean then pulled back away
She watches over me as I pray
Ever so slowly floating in the sky

Reviews

[.........]

One of my favorite characteristics of poetry is when it is written in a past tense view, which seems as if you have now already gotten past the feeling of longing or wishing. That way I can connect with you and be kept guessing on exactly where your emotions lie, even if they're faltering and switching back and forth.
I'm not completely sure the relevance of the title but your poem is extremely descriptive and it flows moderately well, but there are a few stumbling points such as in the first stanza where you go from, "in a perfection of blinding sparks" to "a new born reaching for her father": sometimes it's a little difficult to place it back where it should be because of your lack of punctuation, but other than that I think your ideas are written descriptively and easily relatable. Also, the repetition of "saying please don't ever be lonely She watches over me Ever so slowly floating" was interesting because I was not expecting to see that line again but when I did it was placed well and I enjoyed it twice. I am questioning the meaning of your poem because I am unsure about exactly where it's trying to lead me: did the daughter die or did she simply grow and change into something undesirable by the father?
I suppose this is what I was meant to question and your writing was very well and lead me right to the ending of it. Good write

[Dahlia Phoenix]

Let your emotions out. That's the way to go. The sadness felt though makes your heart sting at the thought of it. Deeply surreal.

[light and ashes]

This pulls at the heart strings of the reader hard. It is beautifully done and I can imagine that it would be incredibly hard to get through singing such an emotional and tragic song.

[Viper Phoenix]

It's a song and I've yet to sing it without crying.

[Poetic Beauty]

This is surreal but beautifully done. The reader could take many different things from this poem. To me this seems like passing of childhood into womanhood. It seems like a traumatic even that forever changes the woman and that there are many emotions swirling and surrounding the narrator of this poem. The imagery is clear and the ocean is a powerful force.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

The wonder and innocence of childhood recalled and the sadness at its passing.....Wonderfully written

[emmajoy]

Whether from your heart or imagination this paints such a sad picture, your words, especailly at the end really touch the reader; before that point you slipped from time to time as Child grew older and each brief scene left its print ..

This is beautifully tho sadly created ..

[deeps]

This is sad, so very emotional,
Also very well written.