Broken Mirror

A Poem by Beaudyn

This is a very close account of my day to day life. Living with BPD.

When I look in the mirror, it's not quite me I see
Only fragmented pieces hanging delicately
My emotions are broken by slivers and shards
Like "52 pick-up" with a full deck of cards

Today a Queen, tomorrow a Jack
I'd give anything to have my "normalcy" back
The next day a King, then follows the Ace
Each day I wear a brand new face

I'm broken, I'm fractured, I'm shattered and torn
I'm busted, I'm faded, I'm balled up and worn
My hindsight's 20/20, but everything else is grey
I don't even remember yesterday

Waking up is a mystery, who will I be?
An angry, cold person? Or finally me?
Will I remain this stranger with the dangerous past?
Never quite sure, personalities change fast

I've lost my capacity to know how to cope
And my patience is frayed to a much shorter rope
The only way I manage to feel calm and sedate
(is to) Take it into my own hands and self-medicate

Dope, painkillers, beer or liquor
I'll take whichever one is quicker
Which works the fastest to dull out the pain
And brings me much closer to feeling sane

In drunken euphoria, my mirror looks new
No longer fragmented glass gone askew
The person reflected looks whole once again
Mental dysphoria is nearing it's end

But hours later, when I've finally come down
What I see now is a distorted, sad frown
Sobriety allows me to see my reality
I must continue living my life in duality