The Vampire

A hot thick breeze ruffled his hair

A drop of sweat she could smell through the air

She licked her lips lightly and sighed in despair

The urge to taste what was already hers

To taste his blood would make her serge

He smells so good

But she must wait

Perfect timing is everything 

He's now alone and walking the streets

She stalks his shadow

Waiting to leap

Anticipation is making her bitter

She arcs her back and her fangs appear

She rises so swiftly into the air

Lands softly behind him

no normal ear could hear

She so excited

for what she's about to score

She went in for a taste

But to her surprise 

He turned so fast 

And there she lies

Her body a mess 

And all blood ran dry

He stands up tall and wipes his mouth

Smiles down at his pray 

That he purposely led out

Reviews

[Nerio]

Nature is such a cruel place… you believe you are the predator but you end up being the pray!
The same can be said also about the super-natural world: a vampire, a frightening and yet elegant predator, here is pictured in the act of hunting an apparently weak human, only to find out in the very end that she was the pray all the time. If it were a prose, it would be an effective horror fiction but with rather simple concept. But you chose to compose a poem, a beautiful poem with a rather intricate and astonishingly fluid metric, with words that sound like music. And THAT is the greatest value of this poem.
Only one thing: could it be that you made a typo on the 8th verse? Here, you wrote:
"Perfect timing his everything "
but I believe the correct verse should be:
"Perfect timing is everything ".

In short: great gothic poem with great poetic sctructure. I really enjoyed :)
If you have wrote other gothic poems I'd be glad reading and reviewing them (just let me know).
I'd even suggest you to submit this poem to an horror magazine: it would be Worth publishing ;)
Best regards

[Diane]

Well, that was a awesome review. I am very pleased you enjoyed it. I have a few other poems you might like. When you have time take a peek. I will look in to entering this one some where. I am not sure how, I haven't done it before.

Thank you for pointing out the typo, I went back and fixed it.

[Boxcat]

What a nice twist. I liked it overall, but the structure could be more solid. I liked how it came across, but it was a bit twisted. But aside from that small thing, I loved it

[Correspondence]

Ugh I love vampire stories. This poem was very well written! Nicely done capturing the vampire persona. Loved it!!

[Diane]

Thank you for the good review.

[Relic]

A nice twist at the end. I don't normally read about female vampires so this was different and refreshing.

[Diane]

Thank you for the review.

[H.L. Cerveise]

I really enjoyed this poem. A great twist at the end. We all think we are the pretender when often we are nothing but the little mouse about to be devoured.

Well done

[Diane]

Yes and thank you for the review.

[Samuel Dickens]

Uh-oh. Someone chose the wrong target. This is titillatingly good, scary fun.

[Diane]

haha thanks for the review hun.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

"She went in for a taste
But to her surprise
He turned so fast
And there she lies
Her body a mess
And all blood ran dry"

It was a fun read and I enjoyed the creativity that you through into this poem!
You have a unique writing style! I really like the story telling... It was a poem that captured every detail flawlessly!
keep up the incredible work!

Your friend,

C. Lee Battaglia

[Diane]

Thanks for the great review hun!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Your welcome! :)

[KCthelastboyscout]

Nice twist ending.intently suspenseful and thrilling to read

[Diane]

thank you a bunch.

[Fran Marie]

A great vampire write with a fast turning twist..I enjoyed

nice work

[Diane]

Thank you very much for your review!

[User]

I highly enjoyed this thanks

[Diane]

Thank you for the review.