The Vampire

The Vampire

A Poem by Diane

A hot thick breeze ruffled his hair
A drop of sweat she could smell through the air
She licked her lips lightly and sighed in despair
The urge to taste what was already hers
To taste his blood would make her serge

He smells so good
But she must wait
Perfect timing is everything 

He's now alone and walking the streets
She stalks his shadow
Waiting to leap
Anticipation is making her bitter

She arcs her back and her fangs appear
She rises so swiftly into the air
Lands softly behind him
no normal ear could hear
She so excited
for what she's about to score

She went in for a taste
But to her surprise 
He turned so fast 
And there she lies
Her body a mess 
And all blood ran dry

He stands up tall and wipes his mouth
Smiles down at his pray 
That he purposely led out

© 2018 Diane


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Featured Review

Nature is such a cruel place… you believe you are the predator but you end up being the pray!
The same can be said also about the super-natural world: a vampire, a frightening and yet elegant predator, here is pictured in the act of hunting an apparently weak human, only to find out in the very end that she was the pray all the time. If it were a prose, it would be an effective horror fiction but with rather simple concept. But you chose to compose a poem, a beautiful poem with a rather intricate and astonishingly fluid metric, with words that sound like music. And THAT is the greatest value of this poem.
Only one thing: could it be that you made a typo on the 8th verse? Here, you wrote:
"Perfect timing his everything "
but I believe the correct verse should be:
"Perfect timing is everything ".

In short: great gothic poem with great poetic sctructure. I really enjoyed :)
If you have wrote other gothic poems I'd be glad reading and reviewing them (just let me know).
I'd even suggest you to submit this poem to an horror magazine: it would be Worth publishing ;)
Best regards

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Diane

6 Years Ago

Well, that was a awesome review. I am very pleased you enjoyed it. I have a few other poems you migh.. read more



Reviews

What a nice twist. I liked it overall, but the structure could be more solid. I liked how it came across, but it was a bit twisted. But aside from that small thing, I loved it

Posted 4 Years Ago


Nature is such a cruel place… you believe you are the predator but you end up being the pray!
The same can be said also about the super-natural world: a vampire, a frightening and yet elegant predator, here is pictured in the act of hunting an apparently weak human, only to find out in the very end that she was the pray all the time. If it were a prose, it would be an effective horror fiction but with rather simple concept. But you chose to compose a poem, a beautiful poem with a rather intricate and astonishingly fluid metric, with words that sound like music. And THAT is the greatest value of this poem.
Only one thing: could it be that you made a typo on the 8th verse? Here, you wrote:
"Perfect timing his everything "
but I believe the correct verse should be:
"Perfect timing is everything ".

In short: great gothic poem with great poetic sctructure. I really enjoyed :)
If you have wrote other gothic poems I'd be glad reading and reviewing them (just let me know).
I'd even suggest you to submit this poem to an horror magazine: it would be Worth publishing ;)
Best regards

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Diane

6 Years Ago

Well, that was a awesome review. I am very pleased you enjoyed it. I have a few other poems you migh.. read more
Ugh I love vampire stories. This poem was very well written! Nicely done capturing the vampire persona. Loved it!!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Diane

6 Years Ago

Thank you for the good review.
A nice twist at the end. I don't normally read about female vampires so this was different and refreshing.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Diane

6 Years Ago

Thank you for the review.
I really enjoyed this poem. A great twist at the end. We all think we are the pretender when often we are nothing but the little mouse about to be devoured.

Well done

Posted 6 Years Ago


Diane

6 Years Ago

Yes and thank you for the review.
Uh-oh. Someone chose the wrong target. This is titillatingly good, scary fun.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Diane

6 Years Ago

haha thanks for the review hun.
"She went in for a taste
But to her surprise
He turned so fast
And there she lies
Her body a mess
And all blood ran dry"

It was a fun read and I enjoyed the creativity that you through into this poem!
You have a unique writing style! I really like the story telling... It was a poem that captured every detail flawlessly!
keep up the incredible work!

Your friend,

C. Lee Battaglia

Posted 6 Years Ago


Diane

6 Years Ago

Thanks for the great review hun!
C. Lee Battaglia

6 Years Ago

Your welcome! :)
Nice twist ending.intently suspenseful and thrilling to read

Posted 6 Years Ago


Diane

6 Years Ago

thank you a bunch.
A great vampire write with a fast turning twist..I enjoyed

nice work

Posted 6 Years Ago


Diane

6 Years Ago

Thank you very much for your review!
I highly enjoyed this thanks

Posted 6 Years Ago


Diane

6 Years Ago

Thank you for the review.

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Added on March 13, 2018
Last Updated on July 28, 2018

Author

Diane
Diane

MI



About
My name is Diane Garner and I live in southeast Michigan with with my husband and two young daughters. I grew up in Gaylord, Michigan, with My mom and brother. I moved to the Detroit area in my late t.. more..

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