Prologue

Shawn contemplates the value of his life.

Shawn Martin stood atop the Allegheny Apartment complex staring down at the tiny dots of people as the hurried about their daily lives. Every small noise, every gust of wind made him flinch, not only from the cold, but from the anticipation. Every night for three months he had found himself standing here, watching, waiting for a sign. Shawn had given up on that weeks ago, however, and now he had only to find the courage.

He stepped up onto the ledge, his heartbeat audible in his ears. He wondered how loud the quickening drum might sound to someone other than himself. Surely, it was loud enough. Though only seconds had past while he contemplated, it had felt like an hour. With the fear, or was it excitement, coursing through him, every sense was sharpened, and every short moment dragged on as if time itself had slowed to watch.

Even when doubt arose in that singular corner of his mind, Shawn pushed it aside. Reason stood no chance against the hatred consuming him, and with every passing minute, it grew more apparent. The gentle breeze whispered tiny words of encouragement into his ear as it danced around him, rustling his wrinkled suit jacket and cooling the beads of sweat forming on his skin.

This was it.

Suddenly, Shawn was hyperaware of everything around him, from the feeling of the concrete under his feet to the sound of the voices seventy feet below him. The realization that one step meant the difference between life and death drilled its way into his mind and every breath became deep and labored. As he stood upon the ledge, he could feel the prickling of tears forming behind his eyes and, for the first time in months, he didn't fight it.

Shawn knew that now was the time. The months of sadness were behind him; he no longer had the strength to fight the horrible voice in his mind telling him it wasn't worth it. He swallowed. Mere seconds stood between him and freedom. He was shaking, shaking horribly. He opened his mouth as if to speak his thoughts aloud, but the words were caught and silenced in the dryness of his throat. The only noise he had the strength to make was a quiet, choking sob. He was incoherent with the saltiness of tears, now flowing freely, staining his lips. His head was pounding, his stomach tying itself over and over into knots. It was now or never, he told himself, clinching his hands into fists. He had subconsciously made the decision every night for months, but the courage had always left him. Now, however, he knew he couldn't take it. He tilted his head up to the sky, wanting to scream out. Again, the words left him and all he could do was cry.

The doubt was louder now, louder than it had ever been, but Shawn closed his ears to it. His untrimmed fingernails were cutting his hands, but the physical pain was only a temporary distraction from the emotion ruin. Now or never, he repeated to himself, shutting his eyes tightly as if to keep the emotion from pouring out of him. He thought, contemplated, and made up his mind, once and for all. Taking one last look at the concrete six feet below him, he wiped away the tears and snot and saliva on his face. If he was going to die, he was going to die dignified. At least, that's what he told himself.

Now or never.

Shawn's breathing refused to even out, and his body continued to shake no matter how he commanded it to stop. He couldn't fight anymore. The pain and exileration and anxiety and hopelessness mixed together deep inside of him, leaving a volatile cocktail of emotions. He knew. Shawn took as deep a breath as his ribs would allow. And with his heart beat pounding in his ears, he lifted a foot, took a step, and remembered how it all began.

Author's Note

This is the prologue for my novella. Honest thoughts? Should I change the style of my writing or keep writing it this way?

Reviews

[Megan Step]

I think its wonderful!!!!! You should never try to change your style, because that is how you write and when people read your books they will know exactly who wrote this! It is your personality your twist on things. Keep it up!!